Dear Professor I Love You

Hey guys its Ariel again! I have some good news…. I think I’m finally ready to settle down. I’ve been with Ben for a year and a half and he proposed to me the other night; I accepted! I am so excited. I have heard several love stories like mine but none that began with good intentions or ended happily. Mine does both so I thought I’d share it with you.

Let me start at the beginning. Seven years ago I was a sophomore in college. The chemistry teacher had quit at the end of my freshman year. His replacement, Mr. Pierce, was to start this year. My best friend Shannon was in love with the biology teacher, Mr. Licent. Mr. Licent was in charge of the science club, so naturally Shannon and I joined. She became president and I was vice president. Every year our college takes 15 or so of the science club students on an overnight field trip to a convention dedicated to cleaning up the rivers in our area. Each school creates a presentation for the convention.

Mr. Licent, Mr. Pierce and about 15 students, including Shannon and I, headed to the conference on a Wednesday afternoon. They threw a big banquet dinner for all the college students and teachers that night. Mr. Pierce, Shannon, Mr. Licent, and I all sat at the same table. That night at dinner Mr. Pierce revealed another side of himself I’d never seen before. He was a man; I’d never particularly thought of him that way before just as a teacher, an educator, nothing more, yet there he was in front of me as just a man. He was beautiful, intelligent, articulate, funny, sweet, everything anyone could want. I couldn’t believe that no one had snatched him up yet and I thought for sure that God had made him just for me. The butterflies fluttered in my stomach whenever he would talk to me at dinner. Later that night there was a dance for the students and staff of the convention. Shannon and I decided to skip it and just go back up to our hotel room. The elevator doors swung open and there was Licent and Pierce. “Where are you young ladies going?”

“We are headed back to our room! We’re skipping the dance.”

“Why would you girls do a thing like that? I bet you two can really shake your stuff on the dance floor.” Mr. Licent said eyeing Shannon up and down. I caught Mr. Pierce’s eye and gave him a nervous smile. He asked if we’d like to hang out with them in the community room. (Our university reserved an extra room that was to be used as a community room that everyone could meet in.)

“Of course!” Shannon quickly agreed. “Let us just get out of these dressy clothes and we’ll be down.” Shannon and I went back to the room she changed into her blue pajama pants that had a little princess bending over kissing a frog pattern all over it and tank top with the same picture on the front.

I couldn’t wait to get to the community room to be with Mr. Pierce but at the same time I couldn’t be more nervous. Mr. Pierce and I always had plenty in common and conversation was never in short demand with the two of us, but now, it wasn’t just Mr. Pierce; it was a man. A man that, I was sure, would see right through the thinly veiled feelings I had for him. Then what would I say to him? How would I act? After all he’s a man, yes, but still a teacher and having feelings for a teacher is wrong. What’s even more wrong would be him having feelings for me. I was sure that my feelings would be unrequited, so I might as well put on a happy face and go down there. “I’m sure these tight little pants will make Mr. Lic… Everything OK?” Shannon asked.

“No.” I was lost in thought. “Shannon,” I spoke in bits. “I don’t know if… you saw… what I saw… tonight… at the banquet, but it just seemed like Mr. Pierce turned into a… an… actual human right before my eyes. I mean he’s not just a teacher anymore he’s…” My voice trailed off.

Shannon wrapped her arms around me and gently said, “Oh honey, I feel like I should welcome you to the club or something. He is a spectacular man isn’t he?” I nodded in agreement. “Let’s get you undressed so we can get down there and be with our men Ariel!” Shannon took my hair down and it hung in kinky curls about half way down my back because of how it was put up. I changed into my pajamas; the short black shorts with hot pink stripes down the side and black tank top with hot pink piping. Shannon looked me up and down, “He’ll totally swoon!” We both giggled and headed out of the room.

We got down to the community room and it was just the four of us. From the looks of it the guys were just as anxious to get out of their penguin suits, as we were to get out of our dresses. Mr. Pierce was wearing flannel pants and a tight-fitting white undershirt, and Mr. Licent was wearing flannel boxers and a white undershirt. At first, I couldn’t even look Mr. Pierce in the face. I felt like he’d just know; see through whatever façade I was putting on. As the evening wore on and a few students drifted in and out I became more comfortable and started to loosen up. We chatted well into the night.

Shannon and I finally got back to our room at around 12:30 in the morning. We both fell onto one of the beds next to each other and let out a sigh. We dissected every bit of conversation, every hand gesture, and every eye movement of the evening. We fell asleep in the same bed as we were talking.

I woke up that morning and looked around to find Mr. Licent buttoning and adjusting his shirt and the shower starting in the bathroom. That was that first time I thought that Shannon and Mr. Licent’s relationship extended beyond friendship. After all he was married with a child. I asked Shannon about it later and she said that nothing happened, and that last night in the community room when Mr. Pierce and I went to the soda machine to grab some cokes she gave Mr. Licent a key to our room so he could make sure we were awake. The rest of the convention was relatively uneventful.

When Shannon and I were juniors we talked almost every night fantasizing about what could happen when we were out of college. I could finally be with Mr. Pierce, just the thought gave me butterflies in my stomach, and Shannon could be with Mr. Licent. We resumed our positions as President and Vice President of the Science Club, with Mr. Licent and Mr. Pierce as the staff advisors. We worked on our presentation for the annual science trip to the convention, but we also went on several mini trips all over Illinois and Missouri that were open to anyone in the Science Club. Most of the trips we took were scheduled on weekends to weed out the genuinely interested from the kids just trying to get out of classes. That tactic, as you might have guessed, made students scarce at the time of the trips. Often times it was just a couple of boys and the four of us. They would do their own thing and the four of us would more or less stick together. We became good friends, but on those trips only. None of us wanted to fuel the fires at school.

Sometime around the beginning of that year rumors arose about inappropriate relationships between Mr. Licent and Shannon and Mr. Pierce and I. (For the record, they were completely FALSE!) No matter, the four of us kept our friendship covert. We worked after hours together on science club and convention material. I spent many mornings before my classes in Mr. Pierce’s office getting some extra help in his class that I desperately needed. That only added to the rumor that there was something going on between us but I didn’t care because the door was always open and other students would come and ask for help. Besides, NOTHING was going on.

Mr. Licent didn’t come back for our senior year. Him, his wife, his daughter, and his newborn moved out of town. As you can guess that stirred the fire at the rumor mill even more. Speculators believed that he had quit his job at the university to be with Shannon. That, of course, was completely untrue, however, Shannon did keep in contact with him and eventually in January of that year they ended up getting together. (That was three and a half years ago and they still hook up whenever he’s in town without his wife.) Mr. Pierce resigned as staff advisor for the convention, but Shannon and I remained president and vice president of science club. I still went into Mr. Pierce’s room most mornings but only sometimes would he help with my work other times we’d just talk.

One morning towards the end of the first semester I went in to talk to Mr. Pierce and he said he wanted to talk to me, but after his last class. I wandered what he could possibly want to talk to me about. What would make him to freaked to tell me now? Why did he want to wait until the building was mostly clear of students and staff? It killed me not to know what he was thinking. I had butterflies in my stomach the whole day and his just words burned in my mind. I was sitting outside his lecture room when his last class dismissed. I went in and he went in his office without a word. I stood there not really knowing what was going on. A million different thoughts ran through my head. Maybe I was failing his class and it was time for the you-can-do-better lecture, maybe he found out I liked him and wanted to lecture me on the many reasons it was wrong, maybe he felt the same and wanted to tell me, of course I was just hoping he’d start kissing me.

I stood in his room confused, thinking. Then, he called me into his office; when I walked in, he walked out. I was totally confused then I realized he shut the classroom door, walked back into the office and shut that door. My heart jumped into my throat and started pounding. This was it; he wanted me as badly as I wanted him and he was about to make that perfectly clear. I didn’t, however, anticipate another option. When I looked at his face I realized he was totally furious. He must’ve seen that I sensed this because explained that it wasn’t me he was irate with it was the administration. Apparently, they had bought into all the rumors flying around about the two of us and Shannon and Mr. Licent because the dean, Mrs. Nefarious, set a meeting with Mr. Pierce in her office after his classes yesterday and asked if he’d like to say something at the SAP meeting on Thursday. Obviously, my face gave away what I was thinking; because he went on to explain that they formed a Student Assistance Program to decide how to “deal with” the growing rumor mill problem.

He questioned whether they were doing it to eliminate the rumor mill or pretend to eliminate it but in actuality would be allowing it to thrive by giving it yet another avenue. Mrs. Nefarious assured him that the staff assembled for the task only had the best of intentions and would, indeed, like to see the rumors going around the university silenced. She continued, dryly stating that she only extended him this courtesy because even his colleagues were starting to lose faith that a “professor in their institution” could never carry on a relationship with a student.

Just seeing his face when he said that, I could tell how enraged and saddened he was by what she told him. He thought that I should know and he couldn’t really talk about it with anyone else. His circle of friends outside work didn’t know anything about it and, from what Mrs. Nefarious said, he didn’t have any friends at work either. All thoughts of getting down and dirty with him flew out the window. I couldn’t speak, I could only stand there and look; my heart just went out to him.

Being with Mr. Pierce so often, I was used to him surprising me with parts of his personality that I wouldn’t get to see in class. This time I saw something I never expected him to show to anyone, ever. He opened up; he was vulnerable. I looked into his eyes and saw the emotion, the hurt, the betrayal, the lack of respect he worked so hard to earn, and how it was affecting his job. His eyes that once burned blue were now sad and tired. I knew exactly how he felt. I felt the same things. I couldn’t walk through the halls without whispers and giggling behind my back. I wasn’t allowed to go to the convention this year and was asked to resign from science club. I could feel my eyes welling up with tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of him but I couldn’t help it. The tears started flowing down my cheeks, my eyes burned, and I quickly turned away from Mr. Pierce.

I heard him take a deep breath and then felt his hand on my shoulder turning me back around. I looked down and buried my face in my hands. He took another deep breath and let it out slowly. His hand raised my chin so I was looking him in the eyes. The reason he was taking deep breaths was because he was crying too. “Don’t tell anyone I cry.” A slight smile crept across his face and I managed a little laugh. I felt so safe right then. He took a big risk telling me all that then allowing his feelings about it to come out. I collapsed against his chest and he wrapped his arms around me. After about ten minutes our breathing slowed, our tears stopped, and we were finally able to talk. We let out our frustrations about the whole situation and chatted about everything under the sun. It was getting late and I was getting tired. I was telling Mr. Pierce how tired I was getting and the next thing I knew I woke up. I was sitting on the floor in his office propped up against him and his arm was around my shoulders.

I freaked out what time was it? How long were we asleep? I still lived at home while attending college and my mom was going to freak out. I looked up at the clock; oh thank God, it was only 8:15. I woke Mr. Pierce and he started to panic too, I calmed him down and told him it was only quarter after eight. I thanked him for letting me get all this off my chest and he, in turn, thanked me. He said, since it was dark, he’d walk me to my car. He opened the door to his office and allowed me to go first. I walked out of his office and into his room staring out the windows. I started laughing, “The clock in your office must’ve stopped; it’s not even dark yet.” We both laughed.

Just then the door to his lecture room jiggled and there was a loud bang. It took a second for it to sink in, but when it did we both panicked. The clock wasn’t wrong, it wasn’t 8:15 at night; it was 8:15 in the morning! We’d slept through the night. I could hear the students gathering outside the door for his first class at 8:30. PRAISE THE LORD, the door was locked!! He told me to go into the office and stay there. He grabbed the keys to his room and walked through his office into the lab and out into the hall. He unlocked the door and the students filed into the room and sat down. “Guys I have tons of papers to grade, but I can’t let you go without a lesson so, pop quiz, take out a piece of paper and name 15 elements on the periodic table put them on the table as you leave. Open book.”

He came into his office and told me there was no one in the hall so I should go out his lab. I snuck out and ran to the bathroom. I checked my cell, there were 3 missed calls only two numbers. My mom called, then, Shannon, then, my mom again. I listened to the messages. My mom wandered where I was; Shannon told my mom I was spending the night with her and that I’d better have a damn good story in the morning; my mom was pissed that I still hadn’t called her back. I changed into the extra shirt I kept in my oversized purse, brushed out my hair, wet a paper towel and wiped my teeth, swished some water in my mouth, washed my face, threw on some eyeliner and lip gloss, popped a lifesaver breath mint in my mouth, and ran to class. During choir I told Shannon everything, and she totally flipped out. Fortunately, the meeting went off without a hitch; or at least mention of Tuesday night.

At graduation I wanted to tell Mr. Pierce that all during college I had admired him from afar. After all he was moving to Texas for a teaching position at another university and I wouldn’t see him again so what did I have to lose? Needless to say I couldn’t do it, I just walked away and I went on to college and he moved to Texas. I had lost him forever.

A year and a half later, right after turning 24, I was down south at a friend’s college to visit her and I thought this guy coming down the hall looked a lot like Andre Agassi and as he got closer I realized he looked like Mr. Pierce. IT WAS HIM!!!

“Jayde?!?!”

“Mr. Pierce!”

He laughed, “Call me Ben.”

“OK, Ben. Wow, how are you?”

“I’m great. What are you doing here? Do you go here?”

“I’m just visiting. I thought you went to Texas.”

“I was going to. Man, it’s good to see you.”

“Yeah you too.” I started to walk away, again. I couldn’t. I couldn’t let the opportunity pass more than once. So I turned back. “Ben!” He turned around.

“Yeah?”

“I know this may seem like it comes out of nowhere, but trust me it doesn’t. I’ve always been interested in you more than just a professor. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen you and there isn’t a day I get up that I don’t kick myself in the butt for not telling you that when I had the chance. I just figured now that I have the opportunity I’d take it.”

As I turned to walk away he put his hand on my shoulder and motioned with head, “My office.” I followed him into his office and he closed the door. “I can’t talk about it right now, but we will tonight over dinner. 7 o’clock?” I nodded. “There’s a great little 24-hour diner just down the street, Parker’s.” I smiled and walked out of his office without a word.

My friend let me borrow a short, brown skirt and a low cut, baby blue shirt that matched my baby blue sandals. I was so nervous that my friend had to do my makeup for me. She dropped me off and I walked into the diner. There before me was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, Mr. Ben Pierce. He was 34 with a sculpted, athletic frame that stood about 6 feet tall with smooth skin lightly tanned from playing soccer all summer. He has dark brown hair barely visible because he shaves his head; clean-shaven, blue eyes so sparkling and so beautiful there are no words that quite do them justice and he wanted to be here with me. I was glowing. We were talking, catching up, revealing and before I knew it, it was 1 am. “I’m not ready to for this night to end yet, are you?”

“It’s been wonderful so far, Ben, I’d prefer if it didn’t end right now.”

“The only place I know that’s open at this hour is mine.” He said with a smile. Oh, his smile could melt any heart.

I laughed, “AHH! I’ve heard about that place! I’ve always wanted to go. I hear it’s quite the hang out!” I joked with a wink. He grabbed my hand and we went to his apartment. When we got there he gave me the tour, we picked out a movie, and started watching it. He sat next to me on the couch, my heart was beating through my chest; this is the man I have always wanted, always loved, even before we met. I leaned into him and he put his hand on my leg, I grabbed his other hand. Relaxation swept over my body and all the tension in the room dissolved. I could feel a hot, pulsing pressure on my lips, I opened my eyes and all I could see was Ben’s eyes closed. I kissed him back.

I’ve never felt lips so soft or tasted them so sweet. His tongue invaded my mouth and a wave of electricity shot throughout my body. I realized at that moment that I would never want to be with another man or could never be with another man without thinking of him. My love for him, true, deep, unwavering love was sealed in that moment.

I wanted him so badly that my whole body was burning with heat. His hand traced my spine down to the small of my back and back up inside my shirt and unsnapped my bra. I ran both my hands down his sides and pushed his shirt over his head. He removed my shirt, then my bra. He stopped kissing me, looked down, and cupped both my boobs with his hands. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to see what was under that shirt? I can’t believe that I am actually here with you.” With that he took my left nipple into his mouth. I thought I was burning before, but to feel him in such a sexual way lit me on fire. I couldn’t think, or speak, or move. I sat there for a few moments then started rubbing his back and kissing his neck.