Dear James,
How are you? Why do I even ask that? This is a confessional, to you. Written only to bring to light what I want to say but never could. You know you knew only a fraction of what I felt towards you... If you don't want to hear it I understand, but please read anyways. How I miss you, All of the people I have ever met I miss you though the ache has died now. You died in my heart the day I knew you left. I can tell you every dream I ever had and all the hopes I have had that you would see me again, if only as a distant friend. My first love? yes you were that. You know that I have had a wild past not quite like yours maybe a little more blood filled.
I wanted you so bad that even when I turned your offers down; I dreamt about what might have been... I tell you that I dreamed of tying you up and leaving you to the elements while I watched on, admiring how the rope burned your skin as you writhed to free yourself. this would have happened were no eyes could peak and no ears could listen save mine and yours. Ah, then the way the wind would parch your skin and the night air freeze you to the bone, still you writhe. Or maybe under the sun so that you would darken and become parched from the heat... Maybe you would never cry out may be you would be a real man and be stoic in your punishment?
Maybe I would go against my morals and do things to make your toes curl. That makes me feel flushed at the thought of punishing you for imagined crimes. oh the shivers of excitement... I shudder. To whip you as a traitor to your morals, do you had any... I would have you as my slave, using you to use others. That is what you are good at, isn't it, Using others to get what you want? To try and use them, abuse them, make them toys to play with. Like a cat and a mouse... your nubile flings the mice; you the cat... I would have you wait at my feet, begging to be whipped, begging to be free of your bindings... Maybe, I would turn you into a sissy maid, To have some one to make my afternoon tea, have manicures and pedicures... To see you that way would be most fulfilling... I would have love to tie you to a post and whip you until you were bloody and bruised. I would later tend your wounds and tell you how strong you are. do ou miss to hear more?
