Dear Diary

Music: Hello

Mood: Alone and Horny

August 7, 2005

MISSING YOU

So, diary, as you can guess, I've moved you to an online location. My friends are telling me that everyone has a blog and that I simply MUST have one as well, so here you are online!

You know I talked to John today, like every fucking day... It's always the same with him, asking me if I've forgiven him, if I'll take him back, if we can have phone sex...

He's such a jackass sometimes, with the phone-fucking... Even though it does satisfy me for a little while after we do it, I just don't like it to come up EVERYTIME we talk, you know?

I did make the mistake [I guess] of telling him that I masturbated and thought about the time we were in the jacuzzi together in the hotel suite.

I really couldn't help it, as that's the most erotic thing that has ever happened to me in a relationship.

I wasn't using the butt plug like last time, but I was fingering myself with one hand and frigging my clit with the other and before I knew it, I was back in that moment when we were stumbling back up to our room from the blackjack table, him holding me steady and me more drunk than a little bit.

I remember laughing and kissing him in the elevator, rubbing his cock through his jeans and tasting his tongue, feeling his breath on me...

He looked so sexy that night, in his fitted tee and dark denim jeans. He really is sexy, even though I hate him with a passion. I can't deny how sexy he is in my eyes.

It was inevitable at that point, for me to be transported heart and soul into the past, into the room we shared.

I remembered how I drunkenly asked him to run a bath in the jacuzzi and fill it up with bubbles so we could sit and soak together. HA! [I remember that he actually checked with me because he knew how fucked up I was.]

He still ran the bath for us though, while I laid on the bed, half-passed out and half-awake, listening to the water pour into the tub. It was black marble and there were low lights on, with mirrors on every inch of the walls so we could see ourselves.

He helped me take off my clothes and he kissed my tits, sucking on my nipples a little bit while he helped me wriggle out of my pants. He held my hand and let me wobble to the tub laughing and joking, though now I can't remember what made us laugh so much.

I really can't stand him, but every time I think about slipping into the steamy tub with him, naked and oh so sexy, I can't deny my nipples get hard and my pussy gets wet.

I remember asking him coyly if I could give him head, as I hadn't done it yet at that stage in our relationship. He smiled so big and asked me if I was sure. – Perfect timing!

I closed my eyes and sunk down under the water and put my mouth on him, I remember feeling how warm his cock was in my mouth and how warm the water was all over me.

Then his hand went on my head, he knows I like a little struggle during playtime. When I wanted to come up for air and he felt me lift up, he pushed my head back down and held me there, with my mouth on his cock.

I knew he would let me up, so I just continued sucking his cock, being patient but still thinking that I needed to come up for air. Just to fuck with him, I remember running my tongue from left to right while sucking harder on him, knowing that he loves when I do that to him.

When it got to the point I needed to come up, I lifted and he pressed down harder.

I remember feeling helpless, you know? That moment under water when you realize that you absolutely have to breathe and that your only choice if you don't come up will be to breathe in water, that's where I was at when he pushed down on my head.

I struggled for what seemed like minutes but was probably only 10 seconds or so, and then he let me come up for air.

I looked at him, and I realized the water was dripping from my braids, from my eyelashes, from my lips and I thought, "How sexy I must look right now."

I knew he felt the same way by the half-smile that played on his lips before he looked down to tell me he wanted me to do it again.

Damn him, that bastard, he knows how I feel about our fucking, he knows how he made me feel when he grabbed my face under the water and started fucking my mouth.

I thought I would have time to play around and suck his cock until he couldn't take it anymore and we would journey to the bed and fuck our brains out, but that's not how it happened, and he knew I wanted it the way he did it to me.

He held my head in his hands and slammed his cock into my mouth, until it touched the back of my throat. He pulled my braids tight and fucked my mouth faster, until I started struggling to come up for air again.

This time, he cocked his head and looked down again, telling me there was no time to be had for games and stares.

I went back down and that last time, put my hand down between my legs and fingered myself while he fucked my mouth. I felt the veins in his cock sliding against my lips, and I tasted the soapy water and the spongy feel of his skin pistoning in and out of my mouth.

I swear I heard him moan while he fucked my mouth, or maybe I was hearing myself moan from the finger fucking I was giving myself. I know that knowing I was masturbating was just pushing him closer to the edge, to shooting off right in my mouth, under the water.

I needed air, and he knew it, but he kept going. After a few seconds, I couldn't even masturbate anymore, I just needed to breathe, but he kept shoving his cock in my mouth, as deep as he could.

He finally let me up, when I thought I was going to drown and he smiled at me and looked at the bed.

Damn him, it's driving me crazy. I need to fuck him again. I don't want to fuck him again, I need to do it. I need his cock in my mouth, in my pussy, in my ass...

Damn him.