We end up in a rented 4 wheel drive driving between appointments, I know the weather in the north east is difficult to predict and I'm growing more and more concerned about the darkening skies. "smells like snow don't ya think?" I ask her as we drive in silence, seemingly in the middle of nowhere.
She sits there looking so unconcerned, so distant, lost in thought, and I take a few chances to look at her as I drive. Pale, long hair, smooth skin, long neck, How I'd love to kiss that neck, the swell of her breasts, the tight sweater following the curves that disappear beneath her unzipped coat.
"A penny for your thoughts..." and she looks at me, her eyes snapping to the here and now... "oh its nothing... Just...." And I wonder what the conclusion of that thought is, patiently I wait, knowing that she can't just let that moment of silence last.
"Thinking good things? Erotic things?" and I giggle trying to break the mood.
"Just things" is her reply. "I'm kind of worried about what's been going on at home. He doesn't seem to... "a frown crosses her faces as she searches for the words, "... want me anymore."
How can any one not want this woman I wonder. So sweet, clean crisp features, always smiling, always the featured performer of my fantasies. But then I think about home as well, Shit, let's not go there. "Have you tried to... ummm entice him?" I ask.
"Yes I've done everything but a bump and grind wearing nothing at all and can't seem to interest him, our.... Ya know... life, was so great and exciting before but he has just gotten bored with me I guess..."
"Maybe that's what he needs, a bump and grind in nothing at all" is my response with the hint of a smile on my face. I really wish I could hope that her relationship goes sour, that it will give me a chance with her but I just can't quite bring myself to wish that pain on her.
"He's a great father to the kids, and we have fun together, I couldn't leave him because of the kids but... I can't live the life of a nun anymore."
"I know what you mean, I love the kids but can't stand the fights, the discontent all the time, but I'll never leave... Maybe what we need is an affair," Oh my god I can't believe I just said that! I kind of giggle hoping that she'll interpret it as a joke, afraid that she won't, my worst fear is that she'll say ok right here... My heart thumping in my chest I sneak a glance away from the road and see her slight smile, just an upturning of her lips, that far away stare in her eyes looking right at me... she shakes her head once, almost violently as if she has really been contemplating it and decided no, she grins and says "it would be fun and if it was ever going to happen it would be with you, but I just can't see myself doing that" and she puts her hand on my leg. I'm afraid to move, afraid that she will take it away, afraid that it will stay there... I really want to take a breath and finally do as her hand slides off to go back in her lap. My leg burning where her hand has been.
As my attention goes back to the road I see that snow has begun falling. "shit.. I hope this ends soon or we'll never make the train home"
"We've got one more stop to make and then we'll make a bee line to the train station"
Almost as if on cue my cell phone rings, and our next appointment is cancelled. "its snowing so hard they're letting all their people go home early. And we have to go past them to get to the train station."
"Let's stop at the café on the corner and see if we can get to see the weather" she suggests. Sounds good to me.
The weather report is bleak. I expect the 60 mile trip to the train station is going to take us hours. We head back to the pick up, and start back, the snow starting to blow. "Let's find a hotel, want to call home?" and I listen as she explains things to home. It's a painfully short conversation and I know she's hurting by the time it ends. My turn, I spend a few minutes explaining to the kids that daddy won't be home tonight, the brief exchange of unpleasantries that conversations with the wife have become and I'm done. The snow is now getting uncomfortable to drive in, darkness is falling.
"I think we should stop at the next hotel and get a couple of rooms" is her suggestion, I can see her smile in the darkness. I pull into the next hotel and the parking lot is packed. The desk clerk tells me he has one room left, king size single bed, I ask him to hold it as I run back out to the truck, watching two more cars trying to make it to the hotel.
"One room, one bed is all they have, do we try to make it to the next exit? What do you want to do..." We hear a thud and look at the car trying to make it bounce at the bottom of the ditch. She laughs and says "go get it before we lose it"
Bill paid, I ask her if she has anything to carry to the room, "no I didn't bring anything, we were supposed to be home tonight, did you?"
"I always have my gym bag with me, I haven't hit the gym since I did my laundry so I have... ummmm let me see... two T shirts, a pair of good shorts and my favorite shorts" I hold up the torn rag that my favorite shorts have become like a dog showing the mouse he just caught in the back yard, a goofy grin on my face, we grab my bag and head upstairs to the room.
"Do you want to go to dinner?"
"Not really couldn't we just do room service?" and I laugh... "what's home going to think?" I can't believe those words came out of my head, with thoughts of trying to seduce her running rampant and I say the exact words I don't want her to think... Can I be more stupid? I'm sure I can be but I'm also sure I'd have to work pretty hard at it. "I'll tell you what... We are going to have a vacation... No thinking or discussing anything home related... Deal?" Ok!
You know what I'm thinking... (I am a full blooded male stuck in a hotel room with a beautiful woman I have been fantasizing about for years with only one bed...) My half smile gives me away... "Hey! None of those thoughts! You've been a friend and coworker for years, you're like a brother to me... it would change our relationship forever." a blush creeps into her cheeks
"Ooooookaaaayyy" I say in that sing songy I'll give it a shot tone of voice with a shit eating "not a fucking prayer of that happening" grin on my face. "You take the bag and pick what you want, I'll take second choice" I tell her and she picks up the bag and heads into the bathroom. I'm thinking... "hmmmm so she has thought about it..." and with a giggle I shake my head... "stop thinking stupid shit... she just told you no in as nice a manner as she could... You lose... She uttered the kiss of death words, the dreaded and always to be avoided words, the "you will never have a fucking prayer words," the words all men hate, the "like a brother" in any form words"
When she comes out, holding her skirt and sweater in that way that only women can, she is the picture of beauty, of eroticism, of desirablility, and I can't help but look her over up and down, my eyes drawn to her. Her long slender and smooth legs traveling up and getting lost in the gym shorts, a satin soccer style pair of shorts, the T shirt hanging loose, her nipples poking against the cotton fabric of the white T shirt, her hair backlit in the light coming from the bathroom, I can almost make out her nipples, just a darker shading of the shirt, or is it my imagination?
I mutter under my breath "sis never looked like that!" as I grab the bag and breeze past her so fast that she wonders if I'm angry, I find my old shorts and a ratty T shirt left in the bag. I'm thinking "I sure hope she's in bed... fuck. How am I going to maintain control? What the fuck am I going to do..." Standing in my shorts and T shirt looking at myself in the mirror.. the voices start... "Fuck her! You know you want to!" "No don't take advantage of her... she's hurting, she thinks of you as a brother" "Aw bullshit! She's a big girl fuck her if you have half a chance!" The inner battle rages... "Well shit... I've always thought of myself as a good guy... I have to keep my distance..." and I resign myself to a long and frustrating evening...
