I don't know how much more I can take of this rejection. Job after job the answer is a resounding "no".
Today had started out ok. Things are changing and I thought they were finally looking up. That was, until I took the trip to the mailbox. Inside the tiny box held two letters. One being car insurance and the other a note from the City. I was nervous but as soon as I touched it I wanted to cry. It was as if my body already knew.
The world slowing down as I opened the letter. It unfolds before me, my eyes scan down the paper... and there it was "regret to inform you". My heart sank and I tried to catch my breath.
Something I knew I was more than capable of doing and again they tell me to fuck off. Seems as if military members can only do minimum wage paying jobs. So much for giving a girl a chance.
I make my way back in the house. Tending the girls. Giving them lunch and then putting them down for a nap, time seemed to blur together. I did all I could, not to cry in front of them. My spirit was completely crushed. How am I ever going to be able to provide for them if I can't get a job?
I check on them to make sure they are sleeping and turn on the baby monitor. Closing my door and turning on some music I collapse on my bed and cry. Tears streaming down my cheeks, hope seemingly lost. Thoughts of suicide surface but I only shake them off. I have to be there for my girls.
The tears and exhaustion taking a toll, my mind slips off to sleep. A calm darkness surrounds me. The fan in my girl's room can be heard over the baby monitor. Their steady breathing I know they are sleeping soundly.
Slipping deeper into sleep I can hear my own breathing deepen. Lost now to exhaustion I never hear him enter. My blanket still wet with my tears, there is a pressure on the bed beside me. Strong arms reaching around and pulling me to his chest. I moan softly thinking I am still dreaming, enjoying the love and warmth in his arms.
His hands trace down the side of my body. My eyes still closed I move closer to his touch. I can almost swear I see him smile as I cuddle closer to his warmth. As I move closer my eyes barely open. I can see his shirt, his scent clear to me as I turn and bury my face in his chest.
"Ssshhh, my little one. I will always have you." His voice was soft and reassuring as he pulled me closer. Our chest close together I place a kiss on his heart and relax more under his touch.
His hand slides gently under my shirt. His touch sending shivers through my body. My mind completely spent I just lay there and accept his touches. He traces up my side and grazes the side of my breast. I take a deep breath and slowly let it out.
"Yes, that's it relax." His warm breath tickles my ear as he whispers.
His hand now tracing to my back, he finds the bra strap. With one hand he expertly releases its grasp as he slides his hand under the now loose strap. Slowly his hand makes it to my breast. My breathing now more alive as his finger barely traces over my nipple.
Taking a deep sigh I feel his hand make its way to my other breast, loosening the bra more. How can I be so turned on when life is so wrong? Is there something wrong with me? His fingers trace the other nipple and I can't help but to moan.
"Up." is all he says. My body moves immediately. Sitting up in bed, his hands tug the hem of my shirt and with one slow pull the shirt slowly reveals my body to him. My eyes never making it to his. I am his and always will be.
