It had been several months since I began my new job. After taking nearly 10 years to raise my children to an age where I felt comfortable re entering the working world, I found that much had changed since the last time I was employed. I'll give you a little of my background so that you can understand my story a better.
My name is Dawn and I'm a 30 year old divorcee with 2 lovely daughters. I met my husband less than 2 years after I graduated from high school. Having always been mature for my age, I chose a man quite a few years older than me, thinking we would have more in common than the younger guys closer to my age. Of course, I later found that this was foolish and flawed logic.
When Michael and I met, the newness of being in love carried us through the first six months or so. The 'or so' happened when I found out I was pregnant. I have to give it to him, he was a thrilled and devoted father. However, this it meant whatever dreams I had of having the career I wanted were momentarily obliterated. At first, I had mixed feelings. I was overjoyed at the thought of carrying our first child-the result of the love we shared for each other. On the other hand, I was a little less than thrilled at the thought of putting y life on hold. Eventually the joy of being the mother of Michael's child won out and I happily carried our first child to term. A few days before Christmas, our daughter Nicole was born.
When Nikki was 4 months old, I broached the subject of me returning to work. For the first time, I saw Mike lose his temper. HIs response was a resounding, "Hell no!" And he went on to explain that he didn't trust ANY daycare with his baby. He said that I was her mother and it was my responsibility to be the nurturer in our family. Inside I rebelled, outwardly I thought that I could placate him for the moment and try the subject again with him later.
Later turned out to be a year and a half. What made that year and a half a living hell was the fact that HE never stopped going out or living like a single man.
Why put up with it? I'll try tell you. I had never known another man besides him. I didn't want to be one of those women whose marriage had failed. I thought it meant something to be married to the man whose child I bore. There were many reasons at the time, but looking back I don't see one that could make me want to ever do it again. I'm not soured on marriage, just the thought of staying with a man for the wrong reasons. Anyway, back to the story...
The second time I tried to put the subject of starting a career to Mike was at breakfast right before Nikki's second birthday. I opened my mouth and had to rush to the bathroom before I could even get the sentence out of my mouth. I cried as I emptied the contents of my stomach. The only time I ever got sick in the morning was when I was pregnant. While washing my mouth out, I heard Mike enter the bathroom.
"Are you okay, Dawn?" he asked.
I glanced his way for a second. "What do you think?"
In my mind I was mentally tallying the number of days that I was overdue for my period. The days eventually turned out to be 2 months. I moaned and closed my eyes. "I think I'm pregnant again."
He let out a loud whoop and came to embrace me tightly. "Maybe this time it'll be a boy!"
I just stared at him. "I'm not ready to do this again. I'm just starting to look halfway decent again and I really want to start my career."
