Dating In These Times

CHAPTER 1

Tim Cooke had a wet lunch with some other young attorneys and returned to his office, satisfied in general with his life but sour two of his lunch companions were married and the other two had enduring partners.

At the moment Tim didn't even have a steady and the two who were on tap were not the kind of girls a guy could take home to mother and expect to survive mother's hostile attack with her gin bottle.

Tim ran for a departing elevator and just made it in and faced a gorgeous brunette dressed in blue.

Aware the babe could leave the car any time soon, Tim smiled at her and said hi and gripping low on her scooped neckline asked, "Do you mind if I take a look at your great-looking stack?"

She smiled and said icily, "Will this be your first experience in jail?"

Tim instantly accepted this woman had too much horsepower for him. Devilish behavior had no place out of college and was particularly inappropriate for anyone working for a law firm so morbidly stiff in the manner in which it projected itself publicly it almost gave the appearance of operating out of a crypt.

Perhaps it was.

Gee he hadn't thought of that before this.

He remembered he had an apology to make.

"I apologize miss. I mistook you for someone I know."

"Bullshit."

"Well spotted miss. Perhaps what I had for lunch over-boosted my testosterone levels?"

"Well watch what you eat in future."

God what he off the hook?

The elevator stopped, Tim saw it was at the 11th and scuttled out and turned his face away from reception as he flitted past. He was almost at the door of his office when big tits, er Tiffany, called, "Oh Mr Cooke, your 2 o'clock appointment, Miss Carla Stone has arrived."

He turned with a professional smile but that evaporated when his saw Miss Stone was the brunette with curvaceous tits.

She hissed, "No way, I'm not being attended to by that jerk."

The other two women in reception came to the counter.

Tim, operating back in professional mode, said smoothly, "Don't worry ladies, it's a case of mistaken jerks. Come along Carla, I'm the only one here authorized to release your bequest."

"Is it money?"

"Yes and quite a tidy sum."

She walked to him muttering, "Keep your hands of me you jerk."

"Mr Cooke, should I call security?"

"No thanks Tiffany. Obviously some jerk has upset Miss Stone. I can handle her... er... I can calm her."

"Hi Carla just calm down and come through and get your check. Your breasts are safe from me with a guarantee they'll not be touched."

"Is that a promise?"

He smiled and said yes providing he wasn't provoked.

She snorted, he opened the door and she went past him warily.

He waved at the receptionists and said, "I feel safe."

"Please sit," he said and reached over his desk to pluck the folder on top of the pile and looked at Carla as he sat facing her and noticed she'd not pulled down her skirt. Hmmm well obviously he was free to admire her lower thighs but it appeared she was sensitive about her tits.

"Two forms of ID please."

She handed him her passport and Social Security card.

The twenty-eight year old said, "Hmmm you are twenty-six. Are you interested in dating me?"

"I have a boyfriend, well he lives next door."

"But would he be as exciting as you might think I could be?"

"H-he's a little timid."

"Oh like me?"

He laugh was more like a cackle.

"And he's not nearly as talkative and confrontational."

"And what is the situation about sex with this guy who lives next door?"

"Mr Cooke, I believe we are supposed to be discussing a legal matter."

"Oh yes Carla. Here are your documents back. I have established you are indeed Carla er...?

"Stone."

"Very good. That was a sly test."

He pulled out his cell phone and entered her name in his phone book. Your cell phone number please?"

"Why?"

"I can't date you unless I can contact you."

"I shouldn't be doing this... will you promise to be exciting?"

"I promise."

Tim entered the phone number as she called it out.

Carla's phone went. She dug into her bag for it saying, "Excuse me please."

"Carla Stone."

"Just testing."

She looked at Tim and laughed, showing great teeth and her breasts moved a bit. Very nice.

The transaction was completed and Carla prepared to leave with a check for $50,000 from her late Uncle Cecil.

"Um do we shake hands," she said uncertainly.

"No we kiss."

She kissed him lightly on the lips and appeared surprised she wasn't groped.

Reaching to open the door he said, "Don't date me unless you are willing to have sex on the first date Carla."

Her icy look returned.

Back at his desk, Tim checked the time and completed the file and placed it in the out tray.

He'd gone too far. Tim rated his chances of Carla dating him as being doubtful, possibly very doubtful. He'd probably have improved odds if he hit on her mom.

Wondering if Carla was a brunette between the legs, Tim called her.

"Carla Stone."

"Hi it's Tim Cooke."

"Who?"

"Um I'm Tim Cooke the attorney who's dating you this week. Some clown dubbed me Tim at high school and the name stuck although not with my family who wanted me to be known as Timothy."

"Well I suppose you can have any name you wish to keep."

"You are so wise Carla. When are we doing it?"

"Excuse me!"

"Dating?" he said, back-pedaling to recover ground. "What did you think I meant?"

"God you push to the brink Tim. My parents are expecting us for lunch on Saturday. Mom can't believe an attorney attempted to have sex with me in an elevator. She wishes to audit you to see if you are suitable to date her youngest daughter."

"Um I'm not sure I can make it."

Carla said grittily, "I was testing your humor. It appears to be thin. Seriously, I was thinking a movie and dinner on Saturday evening?"

"Oh great. Bring the guy next door if you wish."

"Thanks that thought had occurred to me and I'd feel safer."

"Eh?"

"Tim other people are entitled to possess humor. Do you want sex with me or not?"

Tim was sweating. So he tried diplomacy. "I'd love to take you to a girly movie and then to dinner. You can also bring you entire family if you wish."

Carla laughed and said to just book at a restaurant for two and for him to choose the movie. He wrote down the address where she said to meet her.

"That address is in the center of downtown?"

"Yes dummy. It's a multiplex movie house. I'll meet you just inside the entrance. I don't wish to be walking down Constitution Street with you mauling my breasts."

He laughed, hoping that was a joke.

On Friday at office drinks from 5:00 to 7:00, Tim was walking to the men's room when the receptionist Tiffany came out of the ladies toilets. She grabbed him and pulled him into the ladies room and pushed him into a booth and slammed the door.

Within seconds Tim realized what this was about and when Tiffany offered sex, he took it.

Tiffany was already kneeling on the seat of the bowl and her open pussy looked pretty big but Tim, rolling on a condom, thought he could manage, and did.

Combing her hair before they left the booth Tiffany said, "That was delightful Tim. Most guys feel rather loose inside me."

"Yeah great fuck Tiff. Keep your mouth shut about this eh?"

"Yes of course."

They emerged and found the office manager glaring at them.

"Off you go Tiff. I'll deal with this."

In the booth, Mrs Pennington sat on Tim's legs and he pinched and pulled her tiny tits and she screamed into an orgasm. The bitch kept him busy for another twenty minutes. She waved him off, saying she needed time to recover.

He slipped away before any more of the firm's over-sexed females got at him.

Tim shared an apartment with two gay female flight attendants and a guy who was doing a doctorate in public health. He'd told Tim his girlfriend didn't like sex but really enjoyed discussing public health policy.

Uh-huh.

Duncan was out and judging by the mess at least one of the airline girls was in.

Missy called, "Hi is that you Duncan?"

"No it's Tim."

"Meg is doing an extra shift. Do you want to play?"

"No thanks."

Gee what was she on about. She was gay.

He'd just flopped on to his bed when Missy came in wearing only a half-bra corset and white stockings.

Oh boy, when sex of this quality was on offer, he must take it, Tim thought. Her tits were up above the corset like too small over-inflated balls and her bald pussy was glistening.

Uh-huh.

Missy purred she was sick of only being penetrated by artificial cocks and she hungered for the real thing.

Tim was into her in a flash and soon had her screaming like a knife-stuck pig. They demonstrated their versatility, although not having an audience, going at it hard in eleven different positions.

Next morning Tim regretted going at it almost out of control. He walked around like a zombie, almost asleep on his feet and his dick appeared shrunk as small as the supersized clit of some females. He only had sufficient energy to lift one foot after another and to open the fridge and drink half a pint of milk before he collapsed on to a sofa damp with the fluids of excessive sex. He felt tired, depraved and in deep need of sleep.

An hour later after napping, he dragged himself off to his bedroom.

Meg banged her way into his bedroom early afternoon seething mad.

"You asshole, you've been at my lover. Missy is almost comatose and awash in semen."

He dodged the blows and yelled it wasn't him.

"Ask Duncan if there was anyone else here?" he groaned.

Meg went off screaming, "Duncan you asshole, and beat him with her overnight bag judging by the din.

"I didn't fuck Missy, you know I don't fuck women or for that matter men," he blubbered.

"Then you masturbated over her, you asshole," she screamed.

Duncan must have smacked her because Tim heard the thump of someone hitting the ground.

"Oh Duncan," she whimpered. "I deserved that. I've been out of control with jealously. Make love to me Duncan my darling. I've always admired your skinny frame and I really don't notice your spectacles and skin blemishes."

Tim felt guilty he hadn't confessed. But then he heard the sound of bed-springs creaking in the familiar pattern of one-two, one-two, one-two and then heard Meg groan, "Oh Duncan."

Jesus, the shit would hit the fan sooner or later.

* * *

The outing with Carla was a disaster.

He felt wan and was almost shuffling and she said, "Omigod what happened to you."

"I had some Asian food last night that disagreed with me, violently," he lied. "Twice I didn't make it to the toilet on time."

"Oh I'm so sorry," she said sympathetically and hugged him.

"I-I don't think I can m-manage sex," he said.

"I can see that. Just finger me off during the movie and that will do."

"I-I best call the restaurant and cancel. Being Saturday they will have casuals wanting a table."

"Yes," she said, adding she could make do with a burger.

The movie was awful, mostly about females kissing and saying men were assholes. The females around them appeared delighted with it.

Tim concentrated on getting her off. As soon as the lights went out he'd worked a hand down over her stockings and back up under her short skirt.

Carla wasn't wearing panties and so that was handy.

He got her off five times and she came out of the cinema weaving and yawning and looking almost as bad as he felt.

"Put me in a cab and I'll eat later," she yawned. "I'm sorry I feel so tired for some reason. You must be disappointed in me."

"No I need to empty my bowels," he said, and for a moment thought she was about to vomit. But what else could he have said?

The sorry couple parted with Carla yawning and saying they must get together soon; she was so much looking forward to having sex with him and added, "But we'll need to be in better condition than this."

"That's true," Tim said, giving her a weak kiss goodbye.

Tim arrived at the apartment and Meg knocked him flat to the floor, hitting his head with the heavy skillet.

"You bastard, you bastard," she screamed. "Missy confessed you fucked her ten times."

"I can't dispute that," he groaned. "I failed to keep count."

That earned him two hard kicks to the ribs by the bad-tempered bitch who was wearing shoes.

Missy and Duncan came running, awoken by the commotion.

"Don't hurt him," Missy whined and Duncan said, "Don't kill him."

"Right we need to discuss this whole mess," Meg said, taking charge and helping Tim to his feet.

Missy pulled four beers out of the fridge and the conference was underway.

It ended in agreement. Missy would go to Tim's bedroom at 6:00 each morning whenever she wished to be fucked and Meg would jump into Duncan's bed each morning when she wanted it. Meg and Missy would continue sleeping together and would have their sex each evening. Everyone was to respect each other's sexuality.

Tim, the attorney, thought the agreement was a load of rubbish, obviously promoted by an emotional female incapable of seeing the big picture, and it would be unenforceable. But it was worth playing along with it because it meant at the moment at least he didn't have to find new accommodation and the only one he was permitted to fuck was Misty. Actually the agreement wasn't too bad.

CHAPTER 2

Tim's mom called him to complain her was ignoring his family. He agreed with his mom and said he'd visit them at the weekend, arriving on a flight on Saturday morning with his new girlfriend.

"God you have managed to find a woman who will go out with you more than once?" said his mom, obviously in an uncharitable mood.

Tim ignored the put-down.

He called Carla.

"Hi. I didn't know you worked in finance."

"There is a lot you don't know about me. I'm assistant internal auditor with this enterprise."

"Mom wants to meet you."

Carla appeared to reply carefully and asked why.

"I'm not sure. Perhaps I may have said something about you were the greatest female I've ever met."

"Meaning?"

Quick thinking was required and Tim snatched at it. "You warned me not to advance otherwise you'd see to it I was jailed."

"Oh you remember that? I thought guys would have memory of that buried within a few hours of the offence."

"I'm not your ordinary guy."

She laughed and said that appeared obvious and for some reason she was thinking of the term borderline dysfunctional.

He told Carla his mom had called saying he was ignoring his family and he said he would visit this weekend. "I then ran out of conversation and said I had a girlfriend and she said that was nice and invited me to bring her. Without thinking I said yes... um before consulting you."

"Am I your girlfriend?"

"Well the invitation is there."

"You know Tim, I would have bet you were the kind of guy who'd want to have sex with a woman before you decided about entering more than a one night stand with her. I'm surprised to have been so wrong about you."

"Well yes none of us it perfect," Tim smiled, wondering how could she be so wrong about him when initially she'd been spot on? Women should trust their instincts although he'd certainly not tell Carla that.

Carla said, "Yes I'll accompany you and thanks for the invitation."

He said excitedly and relieved that he'd call for her at 6:15 for a 7:00 am flight that would take just under three hours.

Carla said she'd collect him because she had to come into the city to get to the airport.

Tim, dressed in a university sweat shirt and old jeans, stood outside the apartment building looking out for a white Ford Explorer. He saw the lights flash.

He boggled when he saw Carla was in full make-up with her blonde hair in a ponytail and she was wearing top-shelf shades and high-fashion shoes to go with a dress that looked as if it were made out of kitchen foil.

""Um may I kiss you?"

"You are allegedly my boyfriend aren't you?"

He took that to mean yes and kissed her.

"You look great," he said, telling the truth and felt a little ruffled when she said she couldn't say the same for him."

"Please do up your fly and here you may borrow my comb."

Tim was horrified that he'd made an enormous mistake in asking Carla to be his girlfriend. Jesus she was acting as if she were his mother.

"Um why are you dolled up as if going to a royal wedding?"

"Your mother will be expecting me to make a good impression. You know what mothers are like."

Well he had news for her. His mom wouldn't care what Carla wore or what she did provided she kept her feet off the table, didn't pass wind at dinner, wore a clean shirt and didn't mess up the bathroom... oh and yes, didn't give his mom a hard time.

The flight was okay although Carla refused to be mauled, saying she didn't want her dress creased. She chatted away and before long he reached the opinion she was intelligent, lively, friendly and talkative without giving the impression she was a fucking know-all.

Good stuff. He liked his new girlfriend.

She asked incisively, "Why did you study law?"

"Dad wanted me to do a health administration degree and mom wanted me to become a physician."

"I don't see any connection and wouldn't you have been more of a public liability as a doctor than as an attorney?"

"Answering the first part of your question Carla, dad is CEO at one of our city's hospitals and mom is a doctor's nurse. My buddy Tubby Chong decided on law and said healthcare administration was all about fighting for funding and being sued while medicine involved too much training and being expected to be on call 24/7. So I went through college and law school with Tubby who now works in Hong Kong. I graduated and my Uncle Royce got me a position where I work now."

"Ah I see the connection."

Tim's 25-year old married sister Lorraine met them at the airport.

She gawked when introduced to Carla and said, "How on earth did you come to meet my brother?"

"Through a mutual friend," Carla lied. "I found him smart, engaging and fun to be with and to be so sensitive."

Lorraine went into a laughing fit and apologized but gave no explanation.

"Where are the folk?"

"Dad had an emergency at the hospital and mom had an early appointment at the hair salon."

"Ah are they going out tonight?"

"No you fool. She wishes to make a good impression on Carla. Mom thought since Carla is your first girlfriend since college, she must have special qualities."

"Why hasn't Tim had girlfriends before this?"

Lorraine shrugged. "He's preferred banging sluts."

The women clasped each other, shrieking in laughter and had to yell to Tim to hold up because he'd surged away muttering angrily.

He didn't stop and so the two women slowed, walking arm-in-arm and waited at the exit for Tim to emerge with the checked-through bags.

When they reached the car, Lorraine called, "Take the front seat Carla. I don't trust Tim with my car because he's such a lousy driver."

Lorraine unlocked the trunk and said, "How on earth did you manage to land her, and be truthful."

"I fucked her and she couldn't get enough of me."

Lorraine nodded and said that was so unlikely it probably was true.

They entered the imposing house fronting a lawn that ran to the edge of a big lake.

"Mom said to give you the choice of the guest room or sleeping with Asshole, er I mean my brother. She said to say she doesn't mind what you choose."

Tim waited, holding his breath and wondering if this was another humiliation for him.

"I'll sleep with your brother. I can't get enough of him."

Tim tried not to smirk when his sister glanced at him.

"Then you'll both be in the guestroom at the other end of the house so you don't keep mom and dad awake."

"Oh does the head-board bang?"

The females were at it again, laughing with mouths wide open.