Dana's relationship with Dave becomes physical, to her great satisfaction. She's approached by her neighbor, June, who has questions about Dana's sex life, and who makes an unexpected suggestion....
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Sleeping with Bobby was not as easy as all that. While he'd certainly given her signals that he was interested, he hadn't come right out and said he wanted to have sex with Dana. And she was not prepared to walk up to him and ask, "Wanna fuck?"
Oh, she fantasized about it. The Dana of her daydreams was a bold little minx, but the reality was quite different. What if she'd misread the situation? What if he
wasn't
interested, Zoe's assurances notwithstanding? What if he turned her down? She felt a powerful empathy with George McFly from
Back to the Future. "I don't know if I can take kind of a rejection."
She'd spent her whole life hiding her innermost feelings from everyone, for fear of rejection, of being teased, or scoffed at, or laughed at. Revealing her interest in someone was a risk she was too often unable to take. It was terrifying to think of confessing her desire for someone only to have him reject her.
How did guys do it? She didn't even have much second-hand experience of it. Two or three fumbling attempts to ask her out from guys in high school, and that was about it. Even here, she'd only gone on a blind date with Darren at Zoe's urging, and while that had worked out, she hadn't had to do the heavy lifting.
And Randy—she'd been more than happy, eager in fact, to fall into his bed on short acquaintance. But it wasn't as if she'd marched up to him and propositioned him. Oh, she had since. Given clear and convincing evidence of his continuing interest, she was perfectly willing to be the aggressor.
But just walking up and asking Bobby to share her bed? No.
Maybe Zoe could help?
"Sorry, roomie," Zoe had said with an amused smile when Dana ever so gently hinted at the possibility. "I'm willing to share Bobby with you, but I'm not going to actively push him into your bed. That's up to you."
"Besides," Zoe had continued, "you found your way into Randy's bed all by your lonesome. You can do this."
Dana had sighed, disappointed but not surprised. "Root little pig, or die."
"What?" Zoe laughed.
"Something my parents said when we were kids. Their subtle way of telling us that when we were grown up, we'd be responsible for ourselves."
"Your parents come up with the most...interesting turns of phrase."
"Small towns," Dana said with a shrug and a grin. "They're full of 'em."
"Well, I wouldn't put it quite that way," Zoe said, "but yeah.
* * *
The next morning Dana had other things to think about. Monday was the start of the last week of classes for the semester. Then a couple of weeks of study time and finals before Christmas break. The prospect of final exams wasn't as frightening as mid-terms had been. Zoe had been a very good tutor; Dana was confident in her ability to study effectively now. Taking an exam didn't feel like rolling dice any longer. She knew now that if she put in the work, she'd do well.
Dana's classes were done by midday, leaving her whole afternoon free. She considered her options while she ate lunch. Thoughts of Bobby kept her entertained, but she didn't have his number so she couldn't have reached to him even if she were willing to be so bold. Going by his room was also a non-starter. The last thing she wanted was to have Darren ask why she was knocking on his door.
She considered jumping Randy's bones instead, but his schedule would keep him busy until nearly five. Then she got an email from Kevin announcing that the game was on for that afternoon and evening. With no other plans, Dana decided to join them.
For once, she got there before everyone else had arrived. She knocked, then entered when someone replied, "Door's open!" Eric sat at his desk, a rule book and papers spread out before him. Kevin and Leanne were cuddled up together on his bed. Dana sat down on the foot of Eric's bed and pulled her gaming notebook from her backpack. She was joined shortly by Nick and Dave.
Kevin took his seat at his desk and the game commenced. They played all afternoon, and Dana enjoyed it a lot, even when her player character got killed in their first combat. She rolled up another quickly enough and leaped back into the game. They broke for dinner around six, the group walking to a nearby deli, chattering about the most recent episodes of their favorite shows. They bought sandwiches and sodas to go before returning to Eric and Kevin's room to resume the game while they ate.
They played for hours longer. As usual, it was Leanne who first suggested calling a halt to the game, pleading an early class the next morning. Dana didn't miss the looks between Leanne and Kevin, or between Kevin and Eric. She wasn't surprised when Eric joined the exodus, claiming that he was going to hang out in the dorm lounge for a while, leaving Kevin and Leanne alone in the room.
Dave was alone on the sidewalk when Dana came out. He offered to walk her home again, and she accepted. The night was cold but dry. They talked about the game, though Dana was giving the conversation only half her attention. She was nearly certain he intended to ask her out again, and realized with a jolt that she wasn't sure she wanted him to any longer.
In theory, Dave seemed like boyfriend material. They had a lot in common. They were both fans of sci-fi and fantasy, and had read a lot of the same books, seen a lot of the same shows and movies. They could have—and had had—long conversations about their mutual interests. But the same could be said of Eric and Kevin, as well. And Dave was attractive, of course, which helped.
But. He'd made it clear that having sex with her would be a big deal, to him at least. Not something to be taken lightly. Was it reasonable to think that he'd be okay with her continuing to sleep with Randy at the same time? No.
And that was a problem because she had no intention of giving up sex with Randy. He was a terrific lover, giving her immense pleasure whenever she shared his bed. She also enjoyed his company quite aside from the sex. They had few interests in common but nonetheless had entertaining conversations during breaks in the action.
"Penny for your thoughts," Dave asked, and Dana realized she'd gone silent.
"Uh...."
"Or not," Dave backpedaled. "If you'd rather not."
"No, that's not it," Dana said, though that was a lie. That was exactly it. She was reluctant to reveal her thoughts, her feelings—her desires, especially. And yet, that was exactly what she needed to do.
"It's just...." She trailed off. "I mean—I've been... thinking...."
Dave stopped, and Dana did as well. He studied her face for a moment, and Dana felt as if he were seeing more than she wanted him to see.
He stepped closer and took her hands. "This is beginning to feel like a 'we need to talk' moment," he said. He smiled as he said it, but the smile didn't mask his genuine concern. "Is there something you want to tell me?"
Dana swallowed hard, feeling the tightness in her throat, the reluctance to speak almost physically painful. Revealing herself to him was scary, and yet it wasn't fair to either of them to remain silent. Nonetheless, the silence stretched between them until she had to speak.
"I've been thinking," she said. "About...about sex."
The look of dawning comprehension on Dave's face was a relief. Dana smiled, pleased by his understanding. He squeezed her hands gently. "I understand," he said. "I don't want you think I'm pushing you—"
Dana pulled away, annoyed and abruptly angry. She'd practically
thrown
herself at him—twice! And he'd turned her down both times. Yet he thought she was feeling pressured by
him?
"No," she said sharply. "That's not it."
"What, then?" Dave asked. "I don't understand."
Dana sighed, her anger leaking away. Dave really was exactly the sort of polite, respectful guy her mother would have loved for Dana to date. But she knew now that he wasn't the sort of guy she wanted. How to explain that to him?
Tell him the truth
. Don't do to him what you did to Darren.
Easier said than done. Dana hamster-wheeled for a moment, auditioning possible responses. Finally she asked, "If we keep dating, would you expect to have sex with me eventually?"
"I wouldn't say I'd
expect
it—"
"Fine," Dana said, feeling a renewed flicker of annoyance. "Would you
want
