As Cynthia left the therapist's office, she was determined and optimistic. She had said little in that last meeting, only listening and absorbing what was obviously good advice. She was resolved to be more aggressive, make herself approachable and, if the opportunity arose, to carry through. The sessions with Dr. Butler and the intensive introspection of the last few months had cleared her mind and let her see what she really wanted. The genesis, of course, had been David's thoughtless and humiliating behavior, leading her to consider an affair in retaliation.
Now, however, she realized that she wanted extramarital relations for the experience, for her own needs and personal desires. She still wanted, badly, to have the romantic closeness that she was not getting at home, the lack of which had started all of this, but she now was more aware of other potential sexual pleasures. Adultery and bisexuality, or their combination in a threesome, which would have been an anathema two years ago, now were tantalizingly attractive and not even particularly sinful. Certainly, the first of these was no longer taboo, and, as she prepared for the state-wide administrator's meeting, it was not school business that occupied her mind.
It was an all-day conference on Saturday, with an evening dinner and social session Friday, and, while she normally went to those things with another woman, this time she deliberately planned to go alone. Looking over her clothes, she realized that virtually everything she could pack shouted "high school principal," conservative and safe. Her underwear was serviceable, covering her very adequately, and was quite suitable for that "high school principal" outerwear. A quick trip to the local mall produced a much lighter, semi-frivolous dress for Friday night, unlike anything she had worn in years. A visit to Victoria's Secret resulted in a selection of lingerie that she normally would have considered to be scandalous, but now suited her desires exactly! These, along with a brief and completely sheer nightgown, the same one that had failed to tempt David, prepared her for what she hoped (and, a bit, feared) would be a memorable night. Unfortunately, the night was memorable only for disappointment.
She dressed for the evening with great care and with trepidation. She stood in front of the mirror, wearing a sheer, lace bra and panty set, coupled with a matching garter belt (instead of her usual pantyhose) holding up long, dark stockings. She was startled at just how sexy she looked, hardly like a mature married woman with three college-age children. When
she put on her dress she, unfortunately, but inevitably, was not as sexy, but she was still a very appealing woman. When she went down to the reception, she unquestionably was the most attractive woman there and admiring glances followed her into the room. Women she knew complimented her fulsomely on her dress and her appearance, with just the right amount of envy (or jealousy) in their voices.
Male reaction, however, was peculiar, basically dividing into two types of behavior.
Some acquaintances made a pro forma compliment on how nice she looked and, then, that out of the way, treated her as just another colleague, talking about school budgets, discipline problems, etc., soliciting her opinions and recommendations. Feminists would have been delighted, but, right then, Cynthia did not want to be seen as "one of the boys!"
Other men she knew just didn't seem to know how to deal with her. She was a high school administrator with a good reputation of handling difficult situations, a woman who most definitely was not a shrinking violet when dealing with administrative heavy-handedness. She handled herself well in the rough and tumble battle for limited resources. Yet, here she was, pretty, even delicate, dressed in a light, flowery, very feminine dress! They just didn't know how to relate to such contradictory views of the same woman, so their reaction was to back off and, in effect, ignore the paradox.
So, between those who, for practical purposes, dismissed the differences as unimportant and went on with "business as usual," and those who couldn't deal with it and turned away, Cynthia was left frustrated. There was no magic contact, no eyes across the room, no proposition ...... no anything! After the dinner and meeting, she went back to her room, removed the pretty dress, removed the sexy underwear, put on a mundane sleeping-type nightgown, and went to bed, alone.
Describing the disappointing occasion with Cathy later, she had to admit that she had been both disappointed and relieved. If someone had been overcome by her new sexy allure and swept her off of her feet, she would have loved it! Being undressed, her Victoria's Secret revealed, and carried off to bed for a night of erotic sex play, would have been perfect! However, she had to admit that no one there that evening raised her blood pressure or caused her juices to flow. "I honestly don't know what would have done if someone had suggested something! I really want something to happen, but, I guess, I want something more than just having sex....heaven knows. I do want that, but I just couldn't see being that close to anyone who was there! It was fun, though, being dressed like that, thinking how they would react if they had been able to see under my clothes. Boy, would they have been surprised at what I had worn underneath! It was funny enough to see how a lot of them reacted to seeing me 'out of uniform,' anyway!"
"You'll have to show me that underwear sometime
--
it must really be something! As far as the people at the meeting are concerned, I'm not surprised at their reaction. School administrators are not the most 'with it' people in the world! Still, it's too bad that things didn't work out. Unfortunately, I doubt that you will be satisfied to have a one-night 'fling' with someone you really don't know. What you want is a relationship, and I don't think you can get that at a conference unless you just are with someone you know and something spontaneously develops. A friend with whom you can have sex, like with Don Anderson and me, is perfect. Just pleasant, intimate fun with no hang-ups, but there is no way that you can arrange that. On the other hand, I think that you could enjoy the physical excitement of having sex with a virtual stranger if a spark did fly between you. Maybe you'll have better luck when we're at the NEA convention this fall."
