There's something about that delicious little zing you get running up your spine when you do something wrong that's hard to beat. When I was little, I waited until sundown to throw a leg over the neighbor's low fence, creep across the yard, and gently cup and twist from the branch that low-hanging, sun-ripened apple I'd watched fatten and blush all week long. It wasn't any sweeter than an apple you could get from a store, but that little 'you could SO get caught' thrill made braving the autumn chill and those blasted motion-censor porchlights worth the risk.
Perhaps that's why it was so easy to ignore the cramp in my calf or the unnatural twisting of my spine last week as that busty little brunette whose lopsided nametag said "Sabel" was squirming with lusty fervor semi-astride my lap, each stroke of my hard-on gliding into her smooth, hot snatch in the dressing-room at a local department store's menswear section. Even now, the memory of each bounce of those round, soft tits, the way her pouty, pink mouth made that silent, gasping "OH!" when her head tossed back makes me half-hard just thinking about it.
I hadn't in the store there long- I'm a speed-shopper by nature and furthermore, a creature of habit, so I knew right where to go to get exactly what I wanted, and who to talk to about getting it done. In and out, bam, done fast, right? I'd already decided on a couple Kenneth Cole shirts in flattering colors and a nice tie for work, now I was just dithering over a couple pairs of trousers, for work, or going out someplace nice afterward.
Not that it'd be with a girl, though (nor with a guy- to each his own, but I only swing one way, thankyouverrehmuch). I'm one of those thirty-something dudes all the grandmas try to push their bank-teller or dress-shop saleslady grandbabies on when they see me at work in my bookstore, or the grocery store (which is why I shop late at night). These sweet ladies always believe that everything in the universe has that perfect match, that attractive opposite that makes two haves a whole. At first, it was all I could do to keep my eyes from rolling when I got cornered, but now, it's easy to give them one of those dimpled, crooked half-smiles I've practiced over the years, tuck my hands in my pockets with an indulgent boyish "aw, shucks, Mrs. Whoever" shrug, then offer a rain-check when I'm not quite so tied up with working on The Novel- you know, that beautiful, ever-unfinished, completely non-existent scapegoat of convenience.
It isn't that I don't like girls. I just don't like *those* girls. They're boring. So they have silky hair and smooth, golden skin and smell great. What do they read? What's on their iPod playlist? When they go out, are they going to have a steak with me, or one of those peasy little salads and a Diet Coke? "Oh, my Isabel is just *darling*! Such a smart, sweet girl- perfect for you! A real go-getter, too!" one would coo, trying to push a photograph toward me, or pen poised over their kitten stationery to get my phone number or e-mail to pass along to whatever bachelorette was in the running that week. Sigh.
I don't care much for bad girls, either. The kind who are all lady on the streets, freak in the sheets after two Cosmos and some vertical grinding in a seizure-lit smelly club on the Southside. The kind who travel in packs, have more tattoos than the Harley crowd, have the forced Southern accent over a vocal pitch of an eight-year-old, and who are in their thirties but still shop at Charlotte Russe for their hooker-wear. So you can suck the paint off a '79 vette without smearing your Bobbi Brown. Super. They're fun, they're cute, they look nice looped over my arm above my Fossil watch or over my cock after a couple drinks at their place, but I get tired of waiting on them primping, of trying to figure out which Jonas brother they're talking about, and it's useless to try to keep up with Whose Wedding of Whose Best Friend Sucked Because So and So's BFF Fucked the Groom A Week Before They Got Back Together and Married. Oh- I forgot- And Put The Pics on Facebook.
Then again, all of these stipulations and fine print in my mental set of standards kind of fell out my ear when Sabel slithered into the tiny dressing-room with me, closing the door with a click of her nails, sliding the latch over with a devilish grin. One red-laquered fingernail was toying with one of the pink pearl buttons on the front of her shirt, and I couldn't help but notice that she'd doffed the scarf she'd had around her neck earlier and a few of those buttons had come undone, gapping the increasing V down her chest a bit more than was probably in the employee handbook's dress-code section.
"Ah- I'm f-fine, I'm just ah..." I stammered uselessly, caught with my hand down my pants. Shit- was that a pink bra, too, or off-white? Just what? Pinstripe or charcoal? Make a decision already, Marc, geez! Then again, if my brain had been on top of things that day, I might never have gotten the best customer service of my life beneath that foxy, brilliant brunette.
I'd been dawdling over tucking the tail of my shirt in when, for just a moment, my thoughts wandered over the form of the new sales-girl, the one with the slick twist of hair all wadded up with two chopsticks, her cleavage popping out of that "responsible girl" tailored pink blouse tucked smoothly into that black skirt that stopped about mid-thigh on those fabulous caramel stems. Oh, my god, and those extra-pointy black heels... those get me *every* time... How could someone so clean and professional looking also appear so naughty librarian, turn me over your knee and spank my bad boy ass good?
She was still standing there, inches away from me, the scent of her cologne drifting up past my sweaty upper lip to tease my nostrils along with body wash and warm skin. "No, you look like you need a little help, sir," she smiled sweetly. "I've been watching you move around our store, and I think you have something that belongs to me," she added just as innocently, the toe of one shoe grazing up the smooth calf of her standing leg.
I blinked dumbly for a second. "Um... no?, I just- ah..." I cleared my throat, jerking my hand out and buttoning my own trousers around my waist. "Th-this shirt, I was trying on- but these are mine, Ma'am. Is this a new policy? Hands-on changing-room surveillance?" It was lame, I admit, but kept my mind off the sudden spike in temperature, and the odd shape assuming itself down the top part of my left leg. Oh, shit...
Sabel took another step, until she was closer still. Even with heels on, the top of her head just barely came up to my chin, and I noticed that her eyes weren't hazel, but a fascinating green with deep flecks of brown radiating out from the gradually-dilating pupils. There was a small mole higher up on her cheek, and... and...