Curious 17

This is a two-part story but both parts are included.

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PART 1

"Let me see if I've got this right," said Simon Salkind. "You want to have sex."

"Yes," said Felicity Carter.

Simon leaned back in his creaky office chair and held up a hand. "Please, I haven't finished. You want to have sex. For the first time. At the age of twenty-four. And you've decided, out of all the people you could have possibly chosen, you decided I am the right man to devirginize you."

"I don't think that's a word."

Simon raised his hand again. "Ah-ah. Wait. And it is a word. You want me, a man of below average height, somewhat out of shape, struggling to make a go of what some people might laughingly call a career, to introduce you to the joys of sex. Have I got the gist of it?"

Felicity sat up in the chair and nodded. "That all sounds correct, Mr Salkind. Oh, and you're right, it is a word." She held up her phone and turned the screen towards him. "I stand corrected."

Simon looked at the young woman sitting on the other side of his desk in his small office and tried to think in a calm, rational manner. This had to be some kind of trick -- it just had to be -- but he couldn't quite figure it out. Or figure her out.

"You do realise if I went to HR, this would constitute some kind of inappropriate behaviour, probably bordering on sexual harassment?"

"Yes," said Felicity. "But men are 84% likely to see a sexual proposition from a female in a favourable light even if they don't act on it, according to a paper by Eggbert and Dole, 2014."

"Well, it's nice to see you've done your research."

"Yes. Yes, I have. It was published in the New England Journal of Behaviours and Social Sciences. To be honest, I did find some of their methods rather questionable, and the sample size was a little on the small side, but even if their exact findings aren't reproducible, I think the underlying trend is credible."

"Credible." Simon nodded. "You know, Amsons has over 6000 employees."

Amsons was the firm they both worked for, with branches in twelve countries. Simon had worked for them for nine years but this was the first time a colleague had approached him with an offer of sex.

"6,123, as of last week," said Felicity.

"Thank you. And of them, I'm sure at least half must be male."

"2,890, actually. As of last week."

"Oh, I didn't realise we were so outnumbered." He paused but there was no response. "And of those two thousand..."

"Eight hundred and ninety."

"You chose me?"

"Yes."

"Hmm," said Simon. "And what makes me so suitable for this honour?"

Felicity stood up and cleared her throat. She was a slim girl wearing a long-sleeved sweater, a short tartan skirt and black leggings. Her hair was long and straight and topped with an Alice band.

"You don't have to stand up, this isn't a presentation."

She sat down again and cleared her throat once more. "You stood out."

"I did?"

"Yes. Of all the candidates on the list, you were the only one to tick every single box."

Simon let out a long breath. "I see. There was a list. Was it a long list?"

"Not very. I limited it to men in this building. I used an algorithm to sort through them."

"That's very... efficient of you. And in what way did I stand out from the crowd?"

"In a number of ways, actually. First, as you stated, you aren't exactly a perfect physical specimen which means I am unlikely to develop any kind of superficial infatuation with you."

Simon nodded as though this made perfect sense. "You don't want to fall in love with me."

"That's right." She smiled, pleased to have been understood. "Also, I feel confident that you are safe to entrust with this kind of request. You aren't the kind of person to become aggressive or violent. From my observations, you are a kind and gentle person."

It took some effort for Simon not to roll his eyes at her. At least she hadn't called him nice.

"How do you know I'm kind and gentle? We've never even spoken before today. And I very much doubt you've heard good things about me from anyone who works here. I doubt you've heard anything at all."

"Actually, people speak about you quite often."

"They do?"

"Yes," said Felicity. "In particular, they refer to the incident with Mrs Chambers."

"They still talk about that, do they?."

"Yes. How you forced her to make a public apology, after which she transferred to another department, in another country."

"Well," said Simon, "that wasn't my doing. And she was the one who made false allegations against me."

"I agree. Although threatening her with the police unless she sent a company-wide email detailing her wrongdoing must have been quite embarrassing for her."

"Sadly, people don't learn from their mistakes unless you make them." Simon couldn't help but wonder if this wasn't part of some sort of belated revenge plan by Margo Chambers, former Chief Operations Officer. Could she be pulling Felicity's strings all the way from South Africa?

"Most people believe you ended up in this office because of what you did to her. But from what I've learned, you requested this office."

"Are you a stalker, Miss Carter?"

"No, I just like to know who I'm dealing with. I believe you requested this office away from the main floor so you wouldn't have to interact with the other employees. I think you find most people annoying and quite boring."

Simon looked her up and down. She was remarkably astute. His office was situated in a corridor used mainly for storage and supplies, which allowed him to get on with his work with minimal interactions with his work colleagues, who he generally found incredibly annoying and mind-numbingly boring.

"Are you saying my reputation for being petty and vengeful is what drew you to me?"

"No," said Felicity. "But I do find your insistence on being treated fairly to be an admirable quality. Another reason I consider you the ideal candidate is that you are clean and unlikely to pass on any diseases."

"Thanks very much."

"From what I've been able to ascertain, you haven't had many sexual partners, so you are less likely to be infected with anything."

It was a bit of a backhanded compliment, but not far from the truth.

"Wouldn't a condom avoid that issue?"

"I don't want you to wear one. I was hoping for the full, authentic experience, including the sensation of ejaculate entering my uterus. Don't worry, I have started taking birth control pills."

"Good to know."

"And in addition, I would like my first time to be with someone who doesn't have a very large penis."

"O-kay," said Simon. "Can't say that didn't sting a bit. Out of curiosity, how do you know I don't have a large penis?"

"Educated guess. Like you said, you're below average height, for a man, so statistically that would suggest a penis around six inches in length when fully erect. I could be wrong, of course, but I haven't seen any indicators that would suggest otherwise."

"Indicators?"

"You know, excessive self-confidence, a high level of sexual activity, multiple concurrent female companions."

"And you prefer this because you think it will be painful enough without a giant dick punching its way through your hymen?"

Felicity smiled again. "Exactly. So it makes sense I would choose someone like you."

Simon smiled back, gritting his teeth. "Yes. Perfect sense. Remind me, what's your job title?"

"Data analyst, 5th floor. I studied statistics and data science at university."

"Of course. Miss Carter, I'm going to ask you a couple of questions, I hope you will be candid with me."

Felicity edged forward on her seat. "Ask me anything."

"Okay. Good. Are you on the spectrum by any chance?"

Felicity sat back. "No, Mr Salkind. I assure you I'm in complete possession of all my faculties. I admit, I am not as excitable as most girls, which has meant other women find me difficult to relate to, and vice versa, and which also means men find me somewhat challenging. But like you, I find it hard to feign interest in people who are unnecessarily enthusiastic about trivial everyday matters." She shrugged.

"That's fair enough. Then can I ask you, are you recording this conversation, on your phone or some other device, perhaps to play to others later as part of a prank of some kind?"

Felicity shook her head and held out her phone. "You can check my phone if you like. I'm pretty sure if anyone else found out about our conversation, I would be just as embarrassed by it as you."

Simon waved her phone away. "That's fine. I just wanted to make sure. Well, as I understand it, you want me to pitch up at your place, have sex with you for between ten and twenty minutes, depending on how smoothly it all goes, and then leave, never to mention it again."

"That would be perfect."

"Yes, it would, wouldn't it? Look, I can sort of see why you want to do this and, sadly, also why you would choose me, but what I don't understand is why you think I would agree to it."

Felicity looked confused. "Well, I mean, you're a man and... you like sex, don't you? Most men do, is my understanding. Most men..."

"Will fuck anyone?"

Felicity's eyes narrowed, uncertain for the first time. Her lips were pinched together. "I don't mean to be presumptuous, but yes. If they're single and haven't had a partner in some time, most men won't turn down an offer from a woman, even if they don't like her all that much. The data is quite clear. In fact, even if they're not single and have regular sex, they're still almost as likely to take the opportunity if offered."

Simon could tell she had thought long and hard about this. She wasn't acting on a whim, she had it all planned out. It was all so odd, he was tempted to agree to it just for the experience. He didn't want to go through life without at least one or two insane experiences. But something felt off. And that thing was him. Nobody ever picked him. Especially not for his sexual abilities.

"You can refuse, of course," she added.

"What I mean is, what's in it for me? I know the offer of sex with a young woman is high on the list of desirable ways to spend an evening for most men, even for someone with as small a penis as me, but simply sticking it in someone and leaving isn't all that enticing, to be honest. You certainly won't be enjoying it, your only goal is to get it over with, and I find it quite difficult to relax and have fun at the best of times, let alone when I'm being used like a plunger to clear out someone's tubes. Have you considered just using a dildo?"

"I apologise," said Felicity, her hands balled up and resting on her knees. "I can see the thing about penis size has offended you. Which is understandable, I know men find it a sensitive topic. I truly did not mean to hurt your feelings. But studies show that penis length has little to do with actual sexual fulfilment. The feeling of low self-esteem you are currently experiencing is merely a societal construct designed to make you insecure and more prone to spend money to alleviate those insecurities."

Simon leaned far back in his chair. "That's alright. You weren't wrong. Callous, but not wrong."

"As for the other matter, you are correct that I did not put much thought into the benefits for you. I simply thought you might have agreed because you had nothing better to do. If there is something you would like in exchange for your time, I'd be happy to consider it. I will of course reimburse you for any expenses."

Simon rubbed his face with the palms of his hands and sat back up. Quite frankly this was the strangest thing that had happened to him in a long time and he wasn't sure how to react.

"Can I think about it?"

"Certainly. How long do you need?"

"Until tomorrow?"

Felicity stood up. "Yes. I'll come back tomorrow. It was nice meeting you." She put her hand out over the desk.

Simon stood up and shook her hand. She turned around and left his office, closing the door behind her with a small but final slam that bounced around the room. He listened to the clip-clop of her shoes on the wooden veneer flooring fade and then it was quiet again.

Simon sat down and stared at his computer screen. He looked around his small office, the harsh fluorescent lighting, the windowless walls, the filing cabinet with an electric fan on top of it. He was pretty sure there was nowhere to put a hidden camera.

He liked his office. He liked that no one came here, no one bothered him. He did his work and left early if he felt like it, no one ever noticed. The money he made was more than enough for his needs, which he kept to a minimum because having extra needs that weren't met would be depressing. He was content. He was complacent. His life was humdrum but not excruciatingly so. If he'd been a Buddhist, they would probably award him the title of Zen master. But he wasn't a Buddhist, he was a faceless employee of a faceless corporation and he hadn't been laid in seven months.

He leaned forward and grabbed the mouse and looked up the office directory on his PC. He picked up the phone, hit four buttons, and then pressed the speaker button and put the handset down.

The dial tone rang twice and then someone picked up.

"Hello."

"Daniel? This is Simon."

There was a pause. "Simon?"

"Simon Salkind. The guy you threw up over at the Christmas party last year."

"Oh, Simon! Hello there." He chuckled. "Sorry about that. I was totally wasted."

"It's fine."

"How can I help you, Simon?"

"Just a quick query. You have a Felicity Carter working in your department, don't you?"

"That's right. Caught your eye, has she?"

"Not exactly. She just visited me out of the blue and I wanted to check she was on the up and up."

"Oh. I understand. Was she a little odd? Kind of freaked you out?"

"Actually, yes. Is that normal behaviour for her?"

"It is. She's an odd duck, let me tell you. But also, brilliant at her job. Couldn't run this place without her. But she does tend to get a bee in her bonnet every once in a while and then she starts bothering people with all sorts of personal questions. Doesn't mean anything by it. To be honest I think she might be on the spectrum, if you know what I mean. What did she want from you?"

"Oh, nothing very interesting. A lot of personal questions, like you said."

"Don't worry, just tell her you aren't interested and she'll leave you alone."

"Yes, I'll do that. Thanks. See you at the next Christmas party."

"What? Oh, yes. Ha ha ha. I'll try not to aim in your direction next time."

Simon ended the call. As far as he could tell the girl had been sincere in her request. She wasn't much of a looker but she wasn't unattractive. A fairly decent body, as far as he'd been able to tell. He decided to go home and jerk off and then see how he felt about it when he wasn't thinking about fucking her from behind in that tartan skirt and nothing else.

He went home and thought long and hard about it. Then he jerked off and thought long and hard again but fell asleep before coming to any decision other than that he didn't find her boring and only mildly annoying.

He arrived at work the next morning still not sure but thinking he had a few hours, assuming she would turn up around the same time as the day before. But within a few minutes of sitting down at his desk there was a knock on his door.

She was dressed in a similar outfit but with a different tartan skirt and a burgundy top instead of the blue one. She looked expectant. So prim and proper, so very fuckable.

"Come in. Sit down."

She sat on the edge of the chair, legs together, hands on knees. There seemed little point in delaying matters with small talk.

"I thought about it."

"Yes."

"And in principle, I'm not against the idea. But I would like to change the arrangement a little."

"That's fine."

"I had a good long think about what you said yesterday, and it seems to me, as well as the stuff you mentioned about why you chose me, I think, and this is just my speculation so correct me if I'm wrong, you also selected me -- or your algorithm did -- because you don't want your first time to be with someone who's particularly good at sex. And you could extrapolate from my lack of sexual partners that my level of performance will probably not be all that high. Is that fair to say?"

Felicity kept her mouth closed, a slightly worried frown, and nodded once, curtly.

"Don't worry, I think I understand. I assume you don't want it to be too enjoyable because you want an authentic first-time experience, but also because you plan to have other partners in the future and you want to leave space for them to take you to higher levels of ecstasy -- a handsome guy, a rich guy, someone with a full-sized cock and so on."

Her frown deepened. "You make it sound like I'm some kind of..."

"Slut? Not my intention at all. Having numerous partners is perfectly normal and healthy for a woman of your age. Don't worry, the feeling of low self-esteem you are currently experiencing is merely a societal construct designed to make you spend money to alleviate your insecurities."

Her eyes narrowed. Slowly, her face relaxed. "I suppose I deserved that."

"No, you didn't. But it does serve as an example of what happens when a kind and gentle man gets his feelings hurt. I hope you never find out what happens when an unkind and ungentle man gets his feelings hurt. As harmless and bad in bed as I may appear, I'm still a man and you should be a little more wary, even of me."

"Noted."

"So, basically you have a list of things you want to try, right? This is just the first."

"Yes. There are a number of things I'd like to experience. I am curious." Her eyes seemed to sparkle, which Simon found a little disconcerting.

"That's understandable but if you're so curious, why have you waited so long? I mean, twenty-four isn't that old but you could have started a lot sooner."

Felicity lowered her head and took a moment before speaking. "Yes, you're right. The truth is I didn't feel ready. Physically or psychologically. I wasn't confident I'd be able to handle things if they didn't go according to plan. If something went wrong." She raised her head and looked at him.

"And with me, you feel confident you could handle things? If something went wrong?"

She seemed to struggle a little to get her words out. "Sort of. At least, I think so. But also, I want to get married and have children at some point, and I would rather satisfy my curiosity before that. I used to think I had plenty of time and now it seems less so."

"Yes, it does creep up on you quite fast. And you don't think you'll be able to have these experiences with the person you intend to settle down with?"

She shook her head, clearly already having thought about it. "One person can't do everything. I'm happy to settle down with the right man at the right time but before that, I would like to try everything that's on offer."

"To satisfy your curiosity." Everything seemed a lot, but who was he to judge?

"Do I sound unreasonable?"

"No. Quite the opposite." Simon got where she was coming from, he just had never known a woman to come from there before. "The thing is, apart from all that, I'm guessing you also don't want to come across as too inexperienced or awkward, making it an unpleasant experience for these future partners. You get it out of the way with me, and then they can enjoy the smooth and effortless conjunction of bodies with them. However, the first time doesn't really count, it's going to be completely unrepresentative and you're still going to have no idea what you're doing the next time."

She was listening intently, nodding along.

"So, I'd like to suggest this: We meet on whichever day suits you and do the deed and then I leave and you can deal with the cleanup. Then, a week later, we meet again, and this time we have normal sex over the course of an evening and the following morning, so that you get the full experience of just regular, unimpressive, two people giving it their best shot, sexual relations. That way, you will have a solid if bland foundation to build on. Then we go back to work and act like it never happened and we never speak of it again."