I fell in love with Sam the first moment I saw her. She was in a bar, sitting on her boyfriend's knee and looking like everything I ever wanted in a woman; beautiful, happy and very sexy. To this day my vision of her at that moment is as clear as if it was only minutes ago. I'd been invited to my new employer's company night out. It was shortly before I joined the company and the objective was to "get to know" a few people before I arrived in the office. The evening served its purpose but the only person in the room I really wanted to get to know was Sam.
It took a few months, but I slowly got to know her. In fact, she became one of my best friends as we worked together on projects and shared the occasional lunchtime. Thing was, as much as Sam's happy personality, gorgeous flowing hair, vibrant blue eyes and silky smooth skin was attractive to me, there was no room for me to become anything more than a friend as she was living with her boyfriend. I'm not the type of person who's either confident or stupid enough to get into that whole tug-of-love thing. Deep inside though, I kept hoping that one day Sam would be single again and that we might be able to explore our relationship on another level.
Sam and I got along just fine as friends though. We talked about everything, our hopes, dreams, and fantasies and learned all about each other. As our friendship grew I shared more and more with her, but never went as far as sharing how much I wished she was mine. There were days when sitting across a table from Sam was the toughest thing in the world, knowing that I couldn't simply reach out and touch her, kiss her. Being with her was an exquisite pain.
Sam was the only good thing about that company though and in the end I moved on after a couple of years, sadly leaving our lunchtimes together behind. We kept in touch, mostly through phone calls and e-mail with the occasional drink after work, but we weren't able to remain as close as we'd been when we worked in the same building.
The day we met for lunch and she told me she had left her boyfriend was an emotional roller coaster ride. First my spirits soared as I thought of us possibly dating, but the plunge was awful when she enthusiastically informed me she'd already moved in with another guy she had met. It was hard to pretend I was happy for her, but I tried.
That particular meeting took away all of my expectations that Sam and I would ever get together. I couldn't convince myself that she would ever see me as a potential boyfriend rather than simply a good friend. How could she if she hadn't even called me to let me know she was single before starting another relationship?
For the next few months my disappointment was easier to deal with without seeing or talking to Sam. Her new relationship was also occupying most of her time and we began to drift apart for the first time since we'd met.
Then I unexpectedly ran into her in the street. It was a great feeling to see her smiling face and feel her wrap her arms around me for a tight platonic hug. Having to face up to the truth, I realized that nothing had changed about how beautiful she was or how I felt about her. We stopped for a coffee and talked a little. It was hard to contain my accelerating heart when she told me how her situation had changed again. The relationship was over and she had recently moved out of the new boyfriend's place and was back at home with her parents for a while.
"Hey," she said enthusiastically as she finished her coffee, "I need to run, but why don't we meet up one evening, catch up over dinner? Call me. I'm free all this week."
I wasn't about to pass up on a chance to spend time with Sam, especially as the possibility of getting closer to her was again alive, so of course I called her. We arranged to meet for dinner and take in a movie she wanted to see. As her parents lived close to town I would drive to their place and we could walk the rest of the way.
Over dinner I consoled her and we laughed at our own self-centered jokes about nether of us being in relationships. As I sat and looked into the eyes of the woman I'd fallen in love with all those months before, I knew I would have to make some kind of move now that she was indeed single. I thought it prudent to leave at least a few weeks for her to get over her latest failure, but I felt a new determination to find out if her feelings might run deeper than our strong friendship.
As much as I was used to the phenomenon by then, sitting next to Sam in the movie theatre was its usual torture, not being able to reach out and touch her, hold her hand. But I was being my usual honorable, respectful self. That's one of the things about a long-term friendship; it can be so difficult to get over that "lovers" hurdle when you've been friends for so long, even if you know that's what the other person wants.
The evening was still warm when we came out into the twilight, enthused by the movie and energized by the fresh night air. We walked along the sidewalk towards her parent's house with an idling gait and enjoying spending the time together, pretty much as we always had. Time with Sam was always valuable.
"I wonder where we'll be in ten years," she thought out loud as we passed a couple pushing a stroller. "You think we'll still be friends, hang out together with our kids, my husband and your wife?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I have no idea where I'll be, just like I had no idea I'd be here ten years ago. Hell, four days ago I had no idea I'd be here with you tonight."
"Aren't there some nights you just want to dance down the sidewalk?" she said out of the blue. Her face beamed at mine, as alive as I've ever known it. I watched as Sam broke away and pirouetted several times in front of me, her summer skirt spinning out and revealing her slender legs. When she stopped I saw nothing but the huge smile she was wearing, mirroring mine. I loved to see her so happy.
"Thanks for such a lovely evening. It's been a long time since I've had a night without some relationship strain or other." As much as Sam's spontaneous hug warmed me, her words warned me off asking her to get more serious about our relationship. It seemed like I could not bring myself to ruin Sam's freedom, not even to feed my own need for her.
"We need to do this again, soon."
"Sure." It wasn't like I was ever going to turn down an evening with her. "Let's do something next week."
There was no more dancing in the street as we meandered away from the town center and up the hill but our stride was comfortable and our conversation fun. Then, as we neared her parent's house, Sam impulsively grabbed my hand and pulled me to run across the road. I didn't have time to realize that there was no traffic, I just followed her and enjoyed the jolt of electricity that shot through me at the touch of her skin. Crossing the road holding hands with Sam was the moment my whole life changed.
Once on the other side of the road we slowed down, but she didn't let go of my hand. I didn't think much of it at the time, but with every step we took closer to the house the realization of what I thought was happening dawned on me. Such a simple thing, holding hands, but it was something we'd never done before, a step in a direction we'd never taken before. My mind ventured onto new ground, just wondering...
