I'm a teacher. This was my first year teaching at Lawndale High. My first year teaching at any school, for that matter, but you have to start somewhere. So the big mid-year event came as a nasty surprise.
It turned out that it was tradition that Lawndale High held a cross-country run each year. Attendance compulsory. That was fine by me. Gets the students out of my hair and gives me a peaceful day.
That was until I found out exactly what attendance compulsory meant.
"You mean that we, the teachers, are all supposed to go on this run as well?" I gasped. He had to be joking. Dear god, let him be joking.
"That's right," Mr Pierce, our Principal assured me. "I expect all our teachers to be there, leading the way. It shows school spirit and helps to build morale."
"It's going to be a very slow run if I'm expected to be one of the leaders," I pointed out and Mr Pierce gave me a slow once over.
I knew what he was looking at. Standing five foot tall I resemble a pixie, not a cross-country runner. He nodded thoughtfully.
"I'm sure you have the stamina to do the distance," he said dryly, "but I will concede that you are a little on the short side. Instead of leading you can be one of the sweepers bringing up the rear."
"I believe the correct description is vertically challenged," I muttered, bring a choked snort from Meg, sitting next to me.
"Ah, what does a sweeper do?"
"Some of our students show a lamentable lack of school spirit and tend to drop out of the race early. The sweepers gather them up and encourage them to complete the course."
OK. I could do that. Stroll along behind the pack and yell at anyone going slower than me. Piece of cake.
The day of the cross-country came along and a very fine day it was. I had the route memorised and it was supposed to be well marked with flags. I was dressed for the run in a fetching pair of yellow shorts and an official school t-shirt. I also had a tracksuit in my car to change into after the race.
The first chore of the day was to hunt the students out of their various hiding places. I wasn't much use here as I didn't know the normal hideaways, but I went along with Meg. She's been at Lawndale for years and knows where even the smallest student might hide.
Finally satisfied that the school was gathered the Principal gave the nod and the whole herd took off at a slow trot. I will admit that at least Mr Pierce had the courage of his convictions and was doing the run with the rest of us.
I and the two other designated sweepers followed along behind. We were spread out to a fair degree to make sure no-one sneaked off to the side and away.
We came across the really lazy ones quite fast. A few growls tended to get them moving, resigned to the fact that they were between a rock and a hard place. They either ran or got ground up.
Now when the school took off, at the rear of the pack I spotted Michael. Michael is in the sixth form. He's eighteen, graduates this year, though I don't know how, and is a star on the football team. He is also a very big boy.
When I say big, I mean big. He's over six foot tall and I'd hate to think how much he weighs. He's all meat and muscle. I heard some other teachers discussing him. Big as an ox and just as strong, one had observed. Yes, but also just as dumb and just as stubborn, was the reply.
Now I had Michael in one of my classes and although he was quiet he always seemed to hand in his assignments on time and got good marks for them. If they were really his work he couldn't be all that dumb, so I was reserving judgement.
The reason I mentioned Michael was because while he was ahead of the stragglers, just running along at the back of the pack, when we passed through a little wood he wasn't at the back of the pack any more. Or with the stragglers. Or anywhere in sight.
I jogged over to one of the other sweepers and mentioned that Michael had turned up missing. He didn't seem surprised.
He'll be lurking in the woods until we've gone. I'll let you go chouse him out."
I sighed and trotted back to the woods. The joys of being the junior teacher.
I trotted along the path and finally spotted another path leading away. Guessing that Michael had slipped down there I headed on down. The path ended at a little grassy clearing, and there was Michael, reading.
"What do you think you're doing, Michael," I asked, feeling like a Chihuahua bailing up a Great Dane.
"Reading," he said flatly.
"Really. And what may I ask are you reading."
"Ah, it's a book. That's what most people read, you know?"
"And may I ask the name of the book?"
"You may."
There was dead silence. He was waiting for me to ask, the swine. Was he really that dumb or was he having me on?
"And the name of the book is?"
"It's Odyssey. By Homer, you know. I'm reading it in the original Greek. I find it loses too much in the English translation."
I blinked and looked harder at the book. Damned if he wasn't telling the truth. Somehow the phrases 'dumb ox' and 'reading the Odyssey in the original Greek' just did not fit well together.
"Do you know what you're supposed to be doing?" I asked pointedly.
"Attending a place of learning so I can further my education," he replied.
"You're supposed to be running in the cross-country," I reminded him. "So why don't you put the book away and get going?"
"Better yet, why don't you, Miss Jackson, go chase those who need the exercise and leave me in peace?"
"As far as I'm concerned, you're one of them. Now let's get moving." I snapped that out very nicely, demonstrating that I was in command.