After waking up late for work, and managing to get showered, Tina and I managed to stumble into work. We each called, she claimed car trouble, I claimed that I over slept. Luckily, there are two different doors, not visible to each other to enter the office. We went through our respective doors, and went about our work. Seeing each other was strange. I am sure that everyone could tell that we were acting strangely.
She managed to not call me at all during the day, and avoided looking in my direction. I sent her an email asking her if we could talk that evening after work. She told me that she was going to work late to make up for lost time, but after that we could. She was walking by when my boss asked me to stay to finish up a project that he could not get done. I did not question it. I considered it punishment for being late. At least I did not have to tell her I was working late, and have her think I was making it up.
When everyone had left, I walked to her desk. She looked a little agitate, but I just told her to let me know when she was done, and we could talk. She nodded, and said OK, and I let her get to her work.
Walking back to my desk, I realized that I had gone from seeing her as a little off looking that very first time I saw her, to underlying sexuality, to beautiful. This is dangerous territory. Just let her set the pace, if there is a pace to be set. I needed to not push anything on her.
After a couple of hours, she shyly walked towards my desk. I watched her the entire way, and I could tell that it embarrassed her. She started blushing. I did not want to make her uncomfortable, so I finished what I was working on quick, and shut my computer down.
She pulled up a chair, and sat down. She tiredly rubbed her hands over her face, and looked at me. I saw a resolve there, and I expected that nothing would happen between us, and I felt saddened by that feeling.
Right away, she starts explaining that she has a son that she is raising on her own. She is not sure where a man fits in her life, and on and on. It started to sound like she was trying to create excuses, but I let her finish. When she was done, I took her hands in mine, and I looked at her. I told her that she was absolutely beautiful. My brain was screaming at me to not say it, but I did anyhow. She tried to interrupt me, but I asked that she wait to let me finish. I told her that I understood how it was. I had dated single mothers before, and ultimately I left because there was no room for me.
I told her that I expected nothing from her. I could not just walk into their lives, and everything work. I would like to be friends, or at least not ruin our professional relationship. If she had room for a lover that she could kick to the curb, I would take that. In my brain, that sounded desperate and chauvinistic. Yeah, let's be fuck buddies.
I rallied quickly, and told her that I felt that she deserved the physical love that we shared, and that it seemed like she needed it. Oddly enough, she started letting her guard down, sensing I was attempting humor. She started a grin, so I went forward, and told her that she was fabulous last night. She laughed at that.
I sat back, and said that I would like to see if there is anything here at all. We do not have to date, or move in together, or even be lovers, but I did feel an attraction to her, and had for some time. I even told her that though she carried herself in a proper way, that there was an underlying sexual presence there that drew me to her.
I stopped, as I was afraid I was digging a hole. I asked her when she had to pick up her son. She said anytime really, but she had to call her parents to let them know. I asked her if we could get a bite to eat, going Dutch, and see if we can ease the strain. She agreed, and called her mom to let her know when she would pick up her son.
Dinner went well. We managed to avoid talk of last night, and sex in general. I told some old stories that humored her and a joke a two that made her laugh outright. When we left, I gave her a peck on the cheek, and told her I would see her tomorrow. She thanked me for a nice evening, and we both went our own ways.