Community Involvement Ch 06

"What happened to you?" Michelle asked as I finally returned.

I had gone home (next door to be precise) to change out of my wet clothes following the torrid squirting orgasms I had produced in Michelle. The sight, taste and smell of her deep orgasmic fluids filled me with immense satisfaction, not only because I had stimulated her to that level, it was a satisfaction gained from sharing the moment; being there with her and for her as she exploded and gushed so gloriously all over me.

"I was going to send out a search party. It's been over half an hour." The twinkle in her eye told me she was trying to give me a rev up.

"I decided to break the news to my wife." I said grinning. "About the tour I mean."

"Oh, well done." Michelle's congratulatory expression filled me with a rush on joyfulness.

"It had to be done eventually, so now is as good a time as any. How did she react?" Michelle added in a voice full of excitement. She was busy pouring a glass of Margaret River Shiraz for us both. "I know you're a fan of W.A. reds."

"Just what the doctor ordered." I said taking a sip. "I think we have a winner!" I put the glass on the table and sat, like our first meeting, around the corner from Michelle. Her knee rested against mine, as had previously occurred, and our hands entwined on the table. I gave her a full account of the phone call to my wife and how she reacted.

"The clincher, though, was when I told her that I am to be paid for it. I am so happy I have told her and she is pleased from the money side of things as well." I leaned back in the chair, gazing at Michelle with a broad smile of self-satisfaction.

"That is one item ticked off then I guess." Michelle replied as she raised her glass to toast the milestone achievement. "Do you think she will ask more questions?"

"Shit yes." I replied, squeezing her hand. "She probably won't let up. But at least I have broken the news early on, which, together with upcoming Clare meetings and the like, puts it all into the same perspective as the build up for the other music tours, so it's all good."

Michelle drank deeply and nodded her agreement.

"Bastard!" Michelle exclaimed, smiling cheekily. "You have one up on me. I suppose I had better get my finger out." I knew what she meant.

"I can replace your finger with mine if you want?" I ran my hand lightly along her leg.

"I don't think so mister." She said, lifting my hand back up onto the table. "I'm too sensitive for any more of that today, but thank you very much for your offer."

We sat and drank and chatted about nothing in particular for a few moments. The sun had slipped below the roof line and now streamed onto the deck area where we were sitting. The warmth on my back felt soothing, like a soft caress. I felt so relaxed and cosy and my mind was wondering through all sorts of random thoughts and ideas.

"Why are we doing all this?" I mused out aloud, not really knowing why I had made the comment or even verbalised it.

"What a strange thing to say. Are you having regrets?"

"Hell no. I was just thinking out aloud."

"Do you have any answers?" She asked.

"I'm not sure...um, probably not."

"You know you can tell me anything?" She tenderly caressed my arm. "You would not have raised the subject if you didn't want to say something?"

"I wouldn't want to burden you with my crap." I said into my glass.

'Ray, look at me please." I turned to her, her beaming smile and beautiful features beseeching me to divulge whatever it was that I had on my mind. "Take your time but if you have anything that is troubling you, now might be a good time to get it off your chest. I am here for you and I know you would do the same for me. You never know, I might feel the same way as you do about certain matters."

I nodded, taking solace in the words she had spoken. I looked to the heavens for some divine guidance and with a heavy sigh I attempted to give an answer or answers. I did not know where or how, precisely to begin, so I just uttered the first thoughts that came to me.

"She seems to resent everything that I do, everything I am... I feel in..." my words stuck in my throat, the deep well of my emotions, emotions I usually kept firmly suppressed, felt like they were on the verge of overwhelming me. I swallowed in an attempt to regain some composure.

"There is a lot more to this, isn't there?" It seemed an obvious question for Michelle to ask, but a necessary one.

"Oh God yes." I agreed forcing a smile.

"Is this because of your telephone conversation?"

"Partly," I replied, "she was not as overjoyed as I would have liked..."

"It was something which she was not expecting to hear, so I can only guess she might have been a little surprised and shocked. Plus it means you will be away and that will put the onus on her to fill the breech." Michelle offered.

"Are you trying to defend her?" I asked, a little perplexed by Michelle's comments.

"No. I am just reminding you that breaking news of this sort obviously came out of the blue."

I nodded, realising I was being over sensitive. I apologised for over reacting and Michelle gently scolded me for saying sorry. I smiled at her and continued after a moment of reflection.

"No matter what I do, no matter what I say, I ultimately feel inferior...of little worth." I swallowed hard again and looked at the floor. I could feel the swell of the emotional tide brimming right behind my eyes. Michelle's words had sunk in; they made sense, but the hurt would not go away. Michelle was offering me a chance to talk about these deep feelings and as I had started on this path of divulgence, I did not want to deviate or waste the opportunity.

"Your self-esteem has taken a battering. Still is by the sound of it?" Michelle suggested.

I could not look at her but nodded in agreement. I could sense Michelle understood just how close to the mark she was on that point.

"I feel as though I live under constant scrutiny; like I'm constantly being appraised and measured against her male work colleagues and in her assessment, albeit based on very narrow inputs, is that I come up short every time. As a result I am the target of her disrespectful judgments..." I started shaking, the pain of expressing these long withheld thoughts pushing me close to tears and I was struggling to keep them at bay.

"You're right about it being disrespectful, Ray." Michelle said, comforting me. "It is very disrespectful to try to change a spouse's thinking by way of lecture, ridicule, threat, or negative aspersions and so on."

I looked at her surprised.

"Are you a counselor?" I asked, smiling weakly, although my question was meant with the deepest regard for her, both physically and emotionally.

"I have had some training during my nursing days. I always knew it come in handy, little did I know who with though." She kissed my hand, before continuing.

"You see, these 'attacks' on your personality, your character, your intelligence and values and the like, undermine the mutual respect that forms the basis of love. The tendency is then for you to retaliate in some way, in your case to withdraw and not share your ideas. Therefore, it becomes hard for you to love or give of yourself when you feel unfairly judged."

Michelle's assessment was spot on and put in words, precisely what my actions and my reactions had been and were.

"I suppose we have been drifting apart of quite a while." I said after a few more moments of silence. "I blew my stack a few weeks ago. I mean really blew my stack. I am not proud of it but at the time it made sense."

"Did you hit her?" Michelle sounded a bit shocked.

"No! No, Nothing like that. I could not live with myself if I did that." I looked Michelle in the eye and she smiled warmly. "She had done a few things over the preceding week or so, like arriving home and just walking past me as I opened the door, no hello, kiss my foot or anything, and I was feeling annoyed about it. I admit she was under a lot of work stress but...Well, these sorts of things plus a slow build-up of everything else, took me to the brink."

"Had you been drinking?" I looked at Michelle stunned.

"Were you there?" I asked, with a slight laugh.

"No." She beamed her brilliant smile at me. "I was just guessing. But, I think I am right? No?"

"Yes." I replied, feeling remorseful over the whole incident yet again. "I totally lost perspective. Don't get me wrong, most (or possibly some) of what I said needed to be said. My timing was not great and the circumstances were appalling and my conduct was totally out of line. At one point I told her, after she started to tell me, yet again, all that she does etc., I told her that what I was saying was not about her..."

I had to stop for a moment; it was too hard to articulate what I wanted to say. I was shaking again. Michelle offered me my glass from which I drank deeply, a huge sigh of relief came from deep inside my gut.

"Thank you." I murmured, placing the glass back on the table.

I continued telling Michelle of the ramifications of that night and my wife's reaction. She listened attentively and added comments here and there. My emotions ebbed and flowed and all the while Michelle was the oil on my tormented seas.

"I think you are (were) right again on that point, Ray." Michelle offered. Her soft voice came to me through the fog of darkness that seemed to be surrounding me, my companion being the only beacon visible. "Selfishness, in milder forms, like you have described to me, is a lack of consideration and respect. Again you felt inferior and your self-esteem was (is) affected."

Yet again, I could not look at her but nodded.

"I am sorry for dumping all this on you. It's stupid of me to burden you..."

"Stupid!" Michelle exclaimed. "Stupid is the right word but used in the wrong context. I need you to look at me."

Her expression was quite stern indeed.

"Stupid is a word that could be applied to you only if you had not spoken to me the way you have. Since you have told me some of your most hidden thoughts and feelings, the word stupid, either literally or metaphorically, does not apply. Got it?"

"Yes, sorry." I was astonished at her response despite the reassurance of its message.

"And stop saying sorry." She added, beaming her glorious smile at me before kissing me lightly on the cheek.

"Sorry." I uttered, and then laughed realising what I had said. Michelle joined in and the whole mood of the moment instantly brightened.

"What about you? Do you have any answers?" I asked.

"The physical side of our relationship has dropped right off over the last five or so years." She offered as a start. I empathised with her on that aspect but suggested it was possibly over a much longer period for me.

Having started the discussion we ploughed on into some more of the darker corners of our respective relationships. Sex, or the lack of it, was certainly a common dominator. She had some empathy for what I had outlined earlier, but maybe on a lesser scale, but being generally dissatisfied with our respective relationships was another commonality. The conversation flowed effortlessly. We both felt comfortable with each other and the environment we had around us, both physically and emotionally, made us feel safe and secure. Throughout this time of revelation we found we both were very sexual people, which made us laugh, considering what we had discovered together and had been up to recently.

"I think I have 'had' you more times, these past few weeks, than I have done with my wife over the last year...make that two years, maybe three. She is just not interested, or too tired, or both." I said to Michelle, an ever increasing sense of relief coursing through my body with every word I spoke.

"Ray, you have to understand that without affectionate gestures and words, love seems hollow and not as believable. I suppose that is why we find ourselves here, together."

"Looking for love in all the wrong places?"

"Or the right places." Michelle replied with a cheeky grin. "It's all a matter of interpretation of what is a right or a wrong place."

"If I did not know you better I would have thought you were Phryne Fisher from Miss Fishers Murder Mysteries." I commented, looking at Michelle over the rim of my glass. "She is one sassy lady."

"I'll drink to that compliment. Thank you."

We continued our discussion. We were both aware and respected the fact that our respective spouses were hard working people, but the continuous complaints about their work related situations and always being tired, were a mutually common feature we had to deal with...with monotonous regularity. I was had to admit I was shocked to hear that Michelle, like me, felt similarly as she always had a smile on her face but she assured me that sometimes it was a front, particularly when with friends and family. Again, I was deeply shocked yet happy I could empathise wholeheartedly.

"I suppose the burning question is, why not leave?" Michelle asked, a little unexpectedly I had to admit.

"During the first ten to fifteen years, I was scared to lose her. Since then I have stayed for the children's sake; acting as a bit of protective barrier between her mood swings and them, plus helping them understand why she acted in certain ways. Of late, I have contemplated walking out but I...I could not leave our youngest daughter. We have such a close relationship I could not hurt her that way, plus I would miss her too much...my daughter not my wife, oh you know what I mean."

I asked Michelle the same question. She concurred with my remarks and sentiments.

"It would be hard to do and I often wonder if it would bring freedom and happiness or not." I added.

"Not sure." Michelle commented, her eyes looking off into space. I grasped her hand.

We looked at each other; her eyes locked onto mine, our fingers tightly entwined and not a word was said for quite some time. The warm sun glowed upon us as we digested what we had revealed to each other. For me, these were issues that I had not dared tell anyone previously and Michelle seemed to be in the same boat. The world seemed small at that moment; the focal point consisted of the two of us. We felt like kindred spirits; unwilling to forsake what we had independent of each other but happy to grasp this new connection and solidarity, even if it defied moral and ethical conventions.

"Michelle?" I said, feeling my body shaking with another wave of pent up emotion. "The only way I can think of to describe how I feel right now is... Um, 'being lost but now found'... Does that make sense?"

She swallowed hard and her hand clamped around mine. Her hands trembled as she tightened her grip, trying to hide the raw emotions of what we had told each other. Again, we looked deeply at each other, both of us trying desperately not to be the first to break down into tears. We looked at each other, slightly strained smiles crossing our faces as we fought the compulsion to cry, which ultimately made us both start to chuckle.

"I think we need more wine." I announced suddenly and shrugged. "Someone had to break the mood, so I decided to take the initiative. I have a bottle I think you would like. I won't be a moment."

"Good idea." She agreed, her beaming smile making the sun seem weak by comparison. "I need to pee, anyway. Phew, that was quite some chat!"

I laughed and kissed her gently on the cheek. She stood and we embraced gently at first and then more forcefully. We seemed to gain strength simply by pulling each other closer.

"Don't be as long as you were last time!" She scolded as I left the table.

Within minutes I was back at her table and pouring a glass of wine each. Michelle had refilled a glass bowl with some Sicilian green olives and removed the seeds remaining from the early ones we had scoffed. The quiet surroundings enveloped us again as we chatted, this time on much lighter topics. Her eyes were as blue as her pool and her hair shone with the sun streaming through the trees behind her. During the intervening time that I was away the first time, to change my clothes as a result of the erotic squirt session, Michelle had changed into a pair of tight fitting navy jeans over which she worn a lightweight, white knitted top with a plunging V neckline. The white of her top could only be described as brilliant white; it must have been new, I guessed. Yet it was not a stark colour. In fact, it had a soft look to it and I could only surmise that it felt equally soft against her skin when worn. To my admiring eye she was a splendid sight as her top fitted beautifully to her every curve and tantalisingly revealed just enough cleavage to make my mouth water. Michelle must have noticed I was giving her neckline some intense scrutiny.

"You certainly seem attracted to these puppies?" She said, leaning back and breathing deeply, her breasts thrusted upward under her top. I could see the outline of her nipples as the material pulled taut across those magnificent globes.

I panted like a puppy dog, which was a bit silly but she had used the term and it was all I could think of doing or saying at the time.

Michelle slowly pulled her top up and her bare breasts bobbed free and bounced in front of my face.

"Oh my giddy aunt." I exclaimed at her sudden exposure. Her nipples were a pink/red colour, the nubs lying flat at present but seemed to be rising slightly as I looked upon them in all their rounded brilliance. Michelle cupped her breasts and squeezed them gently from beneath causing her button sized nipples to pop forward.

"They're all for you. Do whatever you want to do with them." She said thrusting them out for me to see.

I quickly threw myself onto my knees in front of her. She pushed her chair side on so I could get right in front of her. I looked deeply into her eyes as I dipped my mouth closer to her voluptuous bosom. I gently kneaded her glorious breasts, admiring the light freckle covering near her chest and the way the freckles disappeared deep into her cleavage. Squeezing them together and bringing the nipples closer, I leant in close with my tongue extended. I kept my eyes locked with hers as I greedily sucked both nipples, together, into my mouth.

Michelle gasped at the touch of my lips and mouth on her chest. She arched her back and caressed my head and hair as I fed on her boobs, dripping saliva into her lap. I continued to knead, suck, and lick them until her nipples were hard like marbles and she was moaning for more. I dipped my head lower and sucked hard on her tit flesh, attacking the underside of each breast and trying as hard as I could to devour as much of the soft heated breast meat as I could. Michelle caught her breath as I reached her nipple again leaving a trail of saliva from the point where her breast rose from her ribs all the way to the tip of each hardened orb. Again, I locked her eyes with mine, only now her eyes had taken on a smouldering hue. I squeeze them together so her cleavage was nothing more than a thin line and licked her nipples, pressed together as if they were one, as fast as I could. I turned my attention to each singularly, taking the left nipple and rounded skin into my mouth, or as much of it as I could, while she fed it into my mouth. As I switched to her right breast I heard Michelle urging me on and moaning for me not to stop. Her breasts soon had a deep pink colour to them from my torrid attention.

"Do you like my breasts?" She asked, pressing them forward for me to attack. "I really like all the attention you give them. I never knew I could get so excited just thinking of you looking at them even when they are hidden from your direct view."

"I am happy to be able to give them such a close seeing too, my lady." I replied, sucking one nipple and tweaking the other between my thumb and fore finger.