We had not seen each other for a few weeks, which was nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, there had been times during the fifteen years we had been neighbours when it had been months. As you can imagine though, I was always on the lookout for any sight of her, particularly after what had occurred just after the start of the new school year. However, in my usual silly way, with each passing day, I was starting to question if she might be avoiding me, embarrassed and disturbed by what had taken place. The more I tried to tell myself to be positive of mind and that it was just a matter of time and all would be okay, the more my negative, insular side took over; and it was starting to win.
All I wanted was to see her and hear her voice, even if was a brief hello, like it used to be. I would have been happy just to know she was okay with where things were between us, so to speak. The memories were still fresh for me as I climbed the ladder to prune the Orange Jasmine trees out in the front yard. Those wonderful salacious memories which constantly threatened to distract me totally, ensured maximum concentration to achieve anything worthwhile. It was still warm and humid, even though the season was officially Autumn. The sweat was literally pouring from me (which is a tad unusual for me but an indicator as to how sultry it was) and causing my T-shirt to stick to me so much I had trouble reaching.
"
A top up of the tan won't go astray
," I thought to myself, tossing my discarded top onto the veranda. I took another large swig from my water bottle and moved the ladder down toward the 3 meter gap between the end of the Orange Jasmine hedges and the house line. This was also the gap where I could see, from ground level, straight into Michelle's carport, and where, those wonderful few weeks ago, I got the first amazing look deep inside her gapping top, which also proved the catalyst for a deepening of our neighbourly interaction. Well, a deepening which lasted an afternoon, and as I have said, not progressed in any way, shape or form since.
I climbed the ladder. Precariously poised near the top rung, to maximise my reach, started the pruning machine and commenced to trim the top, trying for all I was worth to get it flat and even. The loud noise of the pruner and the total concentration I had to give to the job, lest I topple over and land in an embarrassing heap, masked the sound of her car as it entered her drive and stopped in the car port. Due partly to my position and not until I had stopped pruning and climbed down, did I notice her car.
I was crestfallen, to tell you the truth. My dark forebodings all came crashing in at once. My heart felt heavy. A great sadness, or was it self-pity, welled up in the pit of my stomach.
"
Fuck it
," I thought. "
What is the use of sulking? I need to finish the job at hand and then I can
........" I did not know what I was going to do after I finished pruning, my thought processes were blank.
I repositioned the ladder by thrusting it down hard, a little harder than necessary, against the wall of the low fence. In part to ensure stability, in part out of sheer annoyance and frustration, and lose.
"
After all that happened the other week! For sure she knew I was there and yet she just walked away
." I growled inwardly then chastised myself for my ridiculous outburst.
I climbed the ladder and proceeded to finish the pruning. I checked along the row of hedge and all seemed good; nice and flat and tidy. Well, at least that went well. I climbed down, my shirt still off and sweat running in rivulets down my back. Once back on solid ground I surveyed my efforts from the side and then front-on to check for any unsightly defects. Satisfied with what I saw I trundled back over to the ladder, collapsed it together and hoisted it under my arm, with the pruner in my other hand, and started to head toward the back of the house to put everything away.
"Hi Ray."
Her voice floated to me like I was in a dream. It was not the usual bright, breezy sound of her voice I was used to. There was timidity to it, a nervous tremor. My body went cold and my arms began to visibly tremble as a nervous fear mixed with excitement swept over me.
I had not seen her as I had moved the ladder as she was standing in the far corner of her carport, deep in the shadow. I had no idea how long she had been there and I felt guilty at not having seen her and for the angry thoughts.
"Michelle!" I gasped, a huge lump swelling in my throat. "Hi. I.... I did not see you there, sorry."
"I obviously heard you and knew you were there when I drove in. But I could not get your attention over the noise." She looked down at the ground as she said this. I wondered if that was really the truth of it.
"Obviously." I replied, making a forced attempt to laugh as well and not show my confused feelings.
She moved forward as I spoke to her, coming around so we were now standing in the same position where our first physical interaction had sprung from. I placed the pruner and ladder on the veranda as a flash back of events swam into my mind and as quickly disappeared.
"Michelle it is great to see you. You look great; I hope the wedding plans are going great." I was babbling and inwardly I cringed.
"
What a fucking idiot I must sound
," I was saying in my head, "
great, great, great