I feel like a teenager again as I drive along this all too familiar road. One I used to drive along with various friends and boyfriends in my youth. I don't remember feeling as nervous back then, even as a passenger taking bends far too fast. Right now, my stomach is in knots, my heart is pounding hard in my chest, so hard I can feel it in my throat. This long road has many memories attached, none of which are attached to him. Of all the journeys this road has been a part of, that is has sent me on; I never would have imagined driving along this road to do what I am about to do. My life isn't here anymore, it hasn't been for many years. As I drive, ghostly memories pop up, but I barely give them credence, my mind is focussed on him. On us.
As I draw closer to the hotel where we have agreed to meet the mixture of nervous excitement grows stronger. I am flustered. I shuffle in my car seat as I drive. My pussy is already wet in anticipation of the next few hours. My sweaty palms grip the wheel and I force myself to sing along loudly to the song playing in my car. I've listened to songs from our playlist all the way here. The one that's currently playing is our song. This time, finally, I am eleven minutes away, but I will get to him. This time, finally, we don't have to just imagine, long and want. We get to be together.
I turn into the car park and I see his car. My heart leaps, my stomach tightens. He's here. Fuck, this is going to happen. He hasn't backed out. I don't park by his car, just in case. Once I've parked, I sit for a few moments and compose myself. My heart cannot beat any quicker, I hold my hand to my chest and feel it hammer against my fingers. I breathe in and close my eyes. I count to seven and then slowly exhale my breath counting to ten. I do this a few times, I need to calm down.
Does he feel the same?
I wonder.
I think of him in the hotel room, knowing now is the time I said I would be here. I picture him wondering if I'm here. Checking his phone, waiting nervously for my call. His hands shaky with nerves and palms as sweaty as mine. We know we shouldn't be doing this. We have tried for months to talk ourselves out of it whilst talking ourselves right back into it. We are selfish people for being here, we both know we are but, and there is a big but, we need this. I can't remember the last day I did not think about him. That I didn't waste hours of my day disappearing into endless daydreams of us, fucking. We need to fuck each other so desperately, the urge, the desire, the attraction. It's too strong, we need this.
I inhale and exhale one more time and get out of my car. I don't call him yet. I walk nervously yet purposefully across the car park towards reception. Once through the doors, I glance around for the toilets and head directly there. I want to freshen up from the journey, I still need to compose myself but most importantly, when he runs his hands up my thighs and under my dress, I want him to find I am wearing no knickers. I push them into my handbag and take out my phone. I find his number. My heart thuds, I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, my finger shakily hovers over the call button before I touch it.
Just hearing his voice, the accent that makes me feel at home, my nerves evaporate. I feel them simmer away into feelings of sheer excitement. He's coming down to meet me, this is happening. In a few moments, my lips are finally going to meet his and stay there for as long as we want them too. No need for quick stolen kisses my lips barely register today.
I wait by the lift, watching the green digit count down to zero. I watch the zero turn to an arrow. I hear the door ping and my chest tightens as the door begins to slide open.
And there he is.
A broad smile erupts across my face as I see the smile on his. I feel myself melt, as I always do these days when I'm around him, especially when he looks at me exactly how he is looking at me right now. I stifle the girly giggle that always wants to escape when he looks at me like this. I don't need to flirt with him right now. I need to kiss him.
We don't speak, or if he does, I don't pay any attention to it. I am focussed on only one thing. I enter the lift and push straight up against him, his arms wrap instinctively around me as we start to kiss. The doors shut behind me, but we don't move. We carry on kissing. I told myself I'd kiss him gently at first so I could savour the feeling of his lips and his tongue meeting mine properly, for the first time, so I could remember what it felt like. I failed. I do know kissing him feels as good as I knew it would. All that energy that sparks between us every time we meet that we can usually do nothing about, that we always have to bury, is finally getting to be released. I cannot kiss him hard enough. Our hunger for each other makes us kiss fast and eager. The magnetic energy that draws us together finally starting to form as one. We know, we can feel it. This is right, we need this. His hands grip my bum firm as we kiss and then they start to move exactly where I hoped they would, down to my thighs. I slow down our kiss as his hand's stroke up my thighs and under my dress. I want to see his face. I carry on kissing him gently as his fingers find the tops of my stockings and then, as they stroke higher to the tops of my thighs that are already coated in pussy juice, I pull my face slightly back in time for him to gasp into my mouth.
'Fucking hell!' he says breathlessly.
I smile momentarily but it is stopped by him pulling me back into a passionate kiss as he lets his fingers explore my pussy for the first time. The permanent ache that has been between my legs all journey starts to ease as his fingers push inside me and then move to my clit. And it's my turn to pause the kiss to gasp into his mouth as his fingers circle lightly at first then push firmer. Fuck, I could let him make me come now, in the lift.
In the lift. I remember where we are and bolt out of my trance.
'We haven't pressed a button,' I say, 'We're still in reception.'
