Now I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression about my academic career. I certainly didn't speed through a four year course in just six years by concentrating on quan, qual and delicious English professors. It took constant devotion to alcohol, cannabis and the Rolling Stones.
In fact, in my first year I joined a fraternity, which was summarily dissolved in my second year over incidents that occurred the year before I joined. The legend cited wild parties, a 19-year-old housemother and naked 15-year-olds, but reality pointed to bad grades, unpaid bills few members and marijuana - but the legend does sound better.
One of the fraternity brothers of my year was Tim, whose nickname was 'Swish' for reasons the name implies. Fraternities were even more conservative then than they are now. But Tim was a great guy, and the frat, which was not so great, needed members. Tim, an architecture student, kept up appearances by attending parties and Monday night dinners with Elizabeth Stern (above), a very pretty but terribly overweight student of our year.
It was at one of those Monday night dinners when I got my first glimpse of those magnificent boobs. Never been to Wyoming but the Grand Teton Mountains could not be more impressive. She was shy and, in an era of mini-skirts and tight jeans, always conservatively dressed in knee-length-or-longer full dresses. It hid her fat. As I said she was big, but Reubenesque rather than grotesque.
I had known from the very beginning that Tim and Elizabeth had a platonic relationship - for lack of a better description - but I wasn't sure what it involved. I wanted to take her to dinner or a movie or just for coffee or a drink, to go one-on-one and get to know her - and those boobs. I wasn't sure I could get this smart, pretty, always busy, Catholic girl in my bed, but I was sure she hadn't been in Tim's. Besides, maybe she didn't want to go out with me, and she was after all a few pounds overweight.
Friday, eating sandwiches with Tim and Binx at Mr. Ed's, across from the language building I mentioned Elizabeth and her pretty eyes. They were sky blue and if I hadn't been otherwise distracted I might have paid more attention to them. Tim advised, defensively: "I'll tell her you said so. We're going to see Streetcar tonight." Well, that wasn't the tact I needed.
I could see Tim was less than enthusiastic about my talking about Elizabeth Stern. I didn't want to mess with Tim, but the more I thought of it the more I wanted to spend an evening lost in Elizabeth's tits.
That evening about eleven I took a coffee break at work -- high school football stories - and called Elizabeth. I asked how Stanley and Stella were and whether she could meet me after I finished work in about an hour.
She said yes. I didn't get much work done in the next hour.
# # #
We met at Napoleon House across from the courts building. I arrived about first and got a table under one of the arches that open onto St. Louis Street. One of the white-shirted waiters - rude and incompetent as they all are - brought me a cup of coffee and chicory and a thimble of Calvados. (Jeanne, my beatnik girlfriend in high school, introduced Calva and me.) I intended to pour the Normandy brandy in the coffee, but the aroma of apples - and the taste of fall - overtook me, and I sipped the brandy and let the coffee get cold.
I saw Elizabeth coming down Chartres, her long dark, waist-length hair blowing in all directions. When Elizabeth arrived, I held her seat and signaled the waiter for two more Calvados and coffees.
"You are indeed the gentleman, holding the chair for your lady guest, and ordering for her." Not sure if I had been insulted or complimented.
"What can I say? Here, you look a bit chilly. The Calva and the coffee will warm you up."
The manic side of my soul had already taken over, and I suggested we sit in a quiet, romantic corner near the fireplace. The waiter was apparently glad we did, because before we even got to our new table he was closing all the French doors.
We sat facing each other and talked about Streetcar, the theater department's version and the film with Marlin Brando and Vivien Lee. I mentioned that I had once taken the "bus named Desire" to the Ninth Ward, but I doubt that was very impressive. I don't remember much of what we said. The whole time I was staring at those boobs.
We both knew this was all just babble, a dance around the subject. As the waiter was fetching another round of Calva - no coffee this time - Elizabeth stopped the ballet: "Why did you ask me here."
"I was enchanted by your wonderful blue eyes and. . ."
"And my boobs," she finished my statement.
"Yes, you do have large breasts, but I was going to ask about on you and Tim."
"What about Tim? You know I've been dating Tim almost exclusively since September. He's the sweetest man I know."