After a hard night at work, the last thing I wanted to do was to go to the grocery store. But, after the kids knocked at the door for the third time saying that there was nothing to eat, I knew I had to brave the elements.
With lots of grumbling and groaning, I finally rolled out of the bed. The sun, that cruel orb, had the nerve to be shining directly into my bedroom window. Bah humbug on it! I snatched my curtains closed with a decidedly disgruntled grunt and headed to the shower.
The aromatherapy bath oil that I use usually puts me in a better frame of mind. This morning, it was not doing the trick. Oh well, might as well get this over with before I change my mind and order enough pizza to feed the kids all weekend long.
I tend to dress like I feel. This morning, I was feeling blah. So I dug out my blah colored Old Navy sweatshirt and sweat pants to throw on. Instead of taking the time to coif my 'do, I made do with one simple ponytail. I thought about at least putting on some lip-gloss while I was brushing my teeth, but good old-fashioned Vaseline won out.
Now that my breath was fresh, I did feel marginally better. The kids and I piled into the car and headed to the grocery store up the street from the house. As we drove there, I gave the "momma" speech. "Don't touch anything in the store unless I ask you to touch it. Don't ask for anything, because you are not getting anything. Don't act like you don't have sense in the store. If you decide to show your tail in the store, I will show my tail right along with you."
Like any young animal, kids can sense the weak. So my little angels proceeded to test my patience. My son decided it was the best thing ever to step on my daughter's shoestrings as she walked past him. My daughter retaliated by popping him in the back of the head. I realized that if I didn't intervene, I was going to have Tyson and Holyfield on my hand very soon.
Separating them and threatening them under my breath, I made my way to the check out. Never mind that I had not gotten all the groceries on my list. I had had enough. As they were corralled to the line, my daughter tried to get in one last hit. That was the straw that broke this camel's back.
"I cannot believe that you all decided to act like this in the store. When we get home, nobody better turn on a tv or a radio for the rest of the day! Everyone's room will be clean by bedtime and there will be no videogames for the whole weekend." I was taking a breath, trying to figure out what other punishments that I could heap on them when I heard a deep chuckle from behind me.
"Gee, Mom, don't take anything else from them. I think they have learned their lesson." I turned around to see who was pleading for the little rascals. The guy behind us was tall, very tall. Ok, yes, I am short, but I know tall when I see it. He had to be about 6'5. He seemed to be very broad in the shoulders. He took up a lot of space, standing there in his black lambskin coat. But the most remarkable thing about him was his skin. He was the darkest man I think I had ever seen. His skin, so smooth and velvet, made his eyes and teeth shine almost iridescently. I started checking out how full and suckable his lips were when I realized that I was staring.
I smiled politely at him and replied, "Thank you for trying to save them, but I think some time for reflection is warranted. They know better than to act up in the store. Thank you anyway, sir." I turned back to start putting my groceries on the conveyor belt.
"Cole," he said.
"Excuse me," I barely glanced back at him, trying to see what things I hadn't picked up from my list.
"Cole. My name is Cole." He smiled and held out a hand that looked like it was as big as my head. "And your name is...?"
I smiled and kept right on putting groceries on the belt to be rung up. "My name is Mom. Didn't you know?" I smiled and directed the kids to the end of the check out stand so that our groceries could be put in the basket and I could get away from "Cole".
He would not be deterred. "Well, Mom, when you have some free time, maybe we could talk. I think I would like to get to know you better. You seem to be real people." He was walking up just a little closer as I was trying to edge my way away from him.
I smiled my prettiest smile and replied, "I am sorry, Cole, but moms don't get free time. I won't be able to make time to talk with you." I tried to edge away a little faster.
My daughter, a very nosey 9 year-old, was trying to figure out what we were talking about. I could tell that she was hearing bits and pieces of the conversation. When she heard free time, she decided to chime in. "Mommy, I think you forgot that we are going to be with Daddy this weekend. You have lots of free time." She looked around me and smiled at Cole. I gave her the evil eye and she smiled even more.
I turned and smiled at Cole. "Pay no attention to the child behind me. She knows not of what she speaks." I was praying that the checker would hurry up so I could go, but she seemed more intent on listening to the conversation as well. As I was saying those words, my cell phone started to ring. Before I could grab it out of my pocket, my daughter had the phone and was talking.
"Oh hi, Daddy. Yes, Daddy, we will be there. I will tell her to have us ready by 3." My little girl was selling me down the river and loving every minute of it. Her look of glee was only enhanced when she slyly smiled at Cole. What did I ever do to her to deserve this treatment?
I was trying to snatch my phone back and accidentally hit her at the same time when Cole slid up even closer to me. "It would seem that you do, indeed, have some free time this weekend. I wonder if you might share a little bit of it with me?"
Just then, the checker gave me the total. Looking completely apologetic and thanking my lucky stars silently, I gave my whole attention to her. I reached in my purse to pull out my wallet. Only it wasn't there. Oh no!
