The rain came down in a hard, staccato beat on her windshield. She let the engine idle outside of the convenience store, still two blocks from her destination. No matter how high she turned the air conditioning, the air seemed humid and sticky. In the dark, she could barely make out the next set of traffic lights through the rain, as the streetlights did little to help the glowing lights of the stores that lined the streets.
"I have to do this. I have to" Sarah repeated out loud to herself. After four years of waiting, it seemed like this should be a moment to savor and anticipate. Instead, she felt like she was melting in her own t-shirt, completely terrified of the gap between what she was thinking and what she intended to say. The clock on her dashboard flipped to 9:07, making her seven minutes late.
Suddenly, her phone vibrated silently on the seat next to her. Where r u flashed up in the little text box, and Sarah knew right away if she didn't go now, it would be her last chance to see him, possibly ever. Cursing under her breath, she double-checked her reflection in the mirror and put the car into drive.
Now or never.
She turned the car around the corner and back along the brighter, busy street. The sign for his hotel was enormous and illuminated, in no way could she lie and say she missed it. Even through the pounding rain, she could distinguish him from the people hurrying in out of the rain or past with umbrellas. She pulled up to the sidewalk and put down her window slightly.
"Hey, c'mon!" she half-shouted, trying to hide the nervousness in her voice.
He squinted and then smiled at her, walking quickly to her car and sliding into the front seat. As he ran his hand over his hair, she felt like the car had shrunk. As he turned to look at her, her eyes shot forward and she stepped on the gas to avoid his look.
"Hey" he smiled.
She glanced at him sideways, and finally relaxed, smiling back.
Arriving at the small, crowded restaurant, they found a booth in the back where it was quiet enough to talk. The lights were low and the easy music made it hard to stay focused. Once they had settled and had a few drinks, the conversation flowed more liberally. Sarah tried her best to censor herself, but thankfully Mike just laughed at her outlandish comments as they talked about their lives. She couldn't help but stare at him, remembering so many things, looking for others that had changed. Her thoughts kept trying to stay on the conversation, but as she ran her eyes over his broad shoulders and arms, she couldn't help but think of how he used to carry her and make love to her. There were entire weekends where they didn't get out of bed, nights that lasted until five in the morning. Sometimes it was sweet, attentive and loving sex, others it was hard and dirty and sometimes angry. Then the other memories came back, other women and nights of tears. Sarah felt the sharp sting of remembrance, and it must have shown in her face because he called her on it.
"What's up? You have this weird look" Mike commented.
"Nothing....just thinking about us, and the past" she said with a slight sigh.
"That was then Sarah, this is now. Things are a lot different than they were five years ago" he said seriously.
"How can you be so sure?" she said guarded, feeling like it was more of a rhetorical question than anything.
"I dunno exactly how...we were young, in school. Now we're adults, as much as we'll ever be and are in a different point in our lives" Mike replied.
"Oh really? If things are so different, then why are we here, together, right now?" she said with a bit of an edge. If only things were so simple...
"I'm sorry, I don't know. What I do know is that I did think of you sometimes, even before you started sending me emails. I figured you were married to that guy and I was in a serious relationship. What was the point of us talking? But you did keep trying, and finally when you said you wanted to meet up and I was in Toronto at the time, I realized despite everything I wanted to see you too. Then you started calling me, and texting me...I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what I would feel when I saw you, but I was willing to try and obviously you were too" he said with a quiet, even look on his face.
"So here we are, talking in the same circles. Some things have changed, but not enough to be of any value to either of us. We're different people now, so I guess we have to stop living in the past and accept the fact things were over for a reason, a long time ago." Sarah struggled to find something eloquent and final to add, however her heart felt like it was going to explode. I have to get out of here, I can't stand for him to see me cry she thought feverishly to herself. "I have to go. Sorry this didn't turn out the way we hoped."
She stood up, threw a $20 on the table and grabbed her coat as she turned on her heel and back out into pouring rain. She didn't get more than ten feet away from the restaurant before a hand grabbed her arm roughly and swung her around. Mike pulled her into his arms and kissed her, in a perfect way that was soft yet hard at the same time. As their lips connected, she felt like she was going to melt and disappear into the drain with the rest of the rain that poured down around them. Her arms found their way around his neck and he pulled her in to him tightly. His body was warm and hard, with the scent of him filling her senses with memory after memory. It felt like they had never been apart. The sounds of the rain, the cars driving by, the music coming from the restaurant....it all faded as the world stopped around them, time slowing down to give them a moment that would last forever.
He pulled away from her so slightly, and whispered her name in her ear.
"Sarah...."
Suddenly they were kissing again, but now with a sense of urgency. Sarah felt like they should be literally steaming on the street, with the heat from their bodies causing a sizzle reaction where their now soaked clothing touched them.
Without a word, Mike broke their kiss and threw his jacket around her shoulders. Taking her hand, he led her almost at a run back in the direction of the hotel. Her head was swimming and her body on fire as he pulled her through the revolving doors of the hotel, pushing her up against the mirrors of the elevator and kissing her deeply and passionately.