"It ain't over till it's over.'' - Yogi Berra
Sharon said she wanted to meet so we could have "closure."
I had no idea what there was left to accomplish after we had already met four times to get "closure." No matter how many times we met, I would never get closure. I agreed just to be near her again, but I loathed myself and my love for her. So far, every time I walked into that restaurant, I went in full of self-righteous indignation, but as soon I saw her, it vanished. By the time we finished talking, I was seriously considering having her back in my life. I was one sick puppy.
Many guys wouldn't think she was all that special. She was a mousy little thing that stood 5'2", weight proportional to height, brown hair and eyes, and B cup flat. As a couple, I was the better-looking one. At least my sister certainly thought I was dating below my potential, with so many eligible women available. How did I know that? I heard her say so.
Once, while by my parents for a visit, I walked into the kitchen during the middle of a conversation between my sister and my mom. I overheard my sister tell my mother how much better I could do than mousy little Sharon. The sound of my presence informed them I had heard what had been said. With that, they looked up with guilty smiles and hushed up.
Self-consciously, I smiled back at them both and said, "I don't know about that, Sis. I do know Sharon's the only woman I've met so far who understands me. The stupid things I do at times she puts up with. She gets me. When we talk, we are on the same page. I don't know...I feel a connection with her. When we are together, I feel good about it. I think I'm in love with her and am going to ask her to marry me."
I was close to my family, but I wasn't the type of guy that shared the personal stuff in my head with his mother or sister. But that day turned out to be one of those weird family moments were sharing some deep personal feelings with two of the most important women in my life totally blew their mind.
During my little admission, my mother and sister were silently communicating back and forth with the slightest of eye movements. My mother was glancing between my sister and me with the very slightest of smiles and a twinkle in her eyes but didn't say a word. My sister was checking both my mother and me out.
Looking at mom, my sister's expression was something that looked like a bad impression of a smirk on an embarrassed little girl.
When I finished playing, "true confessions," I shrugged my shoulders, turned to my mother, and said, "Do we have anymore meatloaf?"
Anyway, all this just gives you a picture of where I was at and the opinions of my family before there was any need for any of this 'closure'.
How did it get to that point? The short and sweet of it was after almost 2 years together as a couple moving in the direction of marriage, I caught Sharon kissing some guy while she was drunk enjoying a "girls' night out."
Honestly, it was just by chance. I got off work early, and a couple of guys said let's go out for a beer. It was Friday evening, Sharon was out and about with her friends, so I figured why not. We went to this place I had never been before, and as soon as my eyes became accustomed to the dark, I saw them. It was some guy I'd never seen before and Sharon standing face to face near a set of tables pushed together with 15 or 20 people around. She had a drink in her hand as did he. He was leaning down, saying something to her, and she was hanging on to every word like it was the most damn amazing thing she'd ever heard. But that's not what sent me over the top.
For a moment neither spoke only looking into each other's eyes and smiling. I guess Sharon's smile was all the motivation her workmate needed. He placed his drink on the table, put his arms around her and pulled her close, and kissed her. Much to my chagrin, Sharon closed her eyes and kissed him back. This was the point at which I lost my mind.
I was so out of control at that sight; I could have strangled her to death right then. Then the involuntary voice in my head said to assure me, "It's fine. She's dead now, so just walk." So much for the voice of reason.
But I wasn't in the mood for any lucid, rational thought. Fuck this.
And then darkness fell.
Not a good place for any man to be in. Ever. Anger so hot, it destroys the perceptions surrounding them. The place. The people. The event. Gone.
Anger that demands action with no thought of consequences and that action is justice in pain perceived.
Before that notion was complete, I was walking briskly over to confront her cheating ass. Sharon was going to have a girl's night out to remember.
Some of her friends who knew me knew and observed the whole interaction began shouting to get Sharon's attention, but my drunken soon to be ex-girlfriend was too busy exchanging spit to notice until one of her friends shoved her shoulder breaking their embrace and pointed in my direction.
They both turned to my direction to see what was up when the light bulb went on. By the time I reached them, she was still in his arms, but their expressions were a mask of pure panic as I saw Sharon say, "My boyfriend...".
I couldn't think straight, I couldn't see straight, and I was so blinded with rage that I was ready to make war. I wanted blood, guts, and veins in my teeth war. By the time I was standing right next to them. A couple of her girlfriends had moved between us, and all her workmates were waiting to see what I was going to do. I paused a moment to look at everyone and hadn't realized the friends I came in with were standing behind me.
My friend Brad who knew Sharon was my longtime girlfriend put his hand gently on my shoulder and became the voice of reason, "Jesus Christ Dave, don't do it, man. You'll go to jail tonight and lose your fucking security clearance." Then he looked with disgust at Sharon, "She's not worth your job.''
Next thing I knew my other friend Sam was standing by my other side, "Dave man, seriously, let's get the fuck outta here..." I briefly swiveled my head back and forth or between my two friends. The concerned sympathy in their faces hurt. These two good friends of mine were trying to save me from doing something stupid.
When I looked around it appeared as if everyone in the pub was waiting for the show to begin. I let out a deep breath and with it some of the pain. Enough to allow me to see the situation getting out of hand, but I had the control. Looking down at Sharon, the answer to the equation became clear. Cut bait.
The guy had no clue what was going to happen next, but he wisely backed away from Sharon. I moved next to him and put a heavy hand on his shoulder. I wasn't pissed at him. He was just a prop now.
