To everyone who's waited patiently for me to get my act together — Thank you! <3 Ever
(This is the fourth chapter in an ongoing series and won't make a whole lot of sense if you haven't read the first three. Which you should definitely go do right now. Don't worry—we'll be here waiting for you when you catch up.)
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Ever try to make something work in your brain that just doesn't want to? Like, the right half is saying, "This makes perfect sense," but the left half is all, "Yeah, it so doesn't." That's what's happening in my head right now.
Staring at the pic of the unfairly flawless, batshit crazy woman who's determined to ruin my life in one way or another, the right half is telling me she's Caleb's ex-wife. The left half is asking, "But... why?"
Melissa's the one who filed for divorce. She's the one who decided she couldn't deal. According to Caleb, they never even acknowledged the bubbly, blonde elephant in the room. She could've worked harder to keep him if she'd really wanted to. She could've asked him to—
"Earth to Em!" Eric's voice shouts from my phone, which I apparently dropped on the bed while I was zoned out.
With my cell back at my ear, I try to focus. "Sorry. Got distracted. What were you saying?"
"Nothing. I was waiting for you to say something. You ok over there?"
Well that's a silly question. "Not even a little bit. You and Parker make killer spies, and you got some awesome intel, but..."
"It doesn't fix anything."
"Nope."
"But it could, you know, at some point." Eric's optimism is adorable but so incredibly un-backed up by reality. The guys did exactly what I asked them to do, though. And then some. Popping his balloon wouldn't be a very nice thank-you.
"Yeah," is all I say. "Hey, I've gotta call Caleb. But you seriously cemented your best friend status today, Eric."
"Wait—I thought I did that when I put my dick in you, even though I know you suspected I'm not a fan of lady bits." In the background, Parker's sweet, shocked voice yells, "You
what
?"
"Yeah, but you were still in denial about it, and afterward, you weren't. So, really, I was being selfless for the sake of your future sex life." Not waiting for his response to that bit of fiction, I say, "'K, I gotta go! Big hugs to you, and give Cutie a kiss for me... with tongue. And if you could, you know, rub his—"
My supposed best friend hangs up before I can finish my totally innocent request. He's probably going to be rubbing his boyfriend anyway, so why not dedicate it to me?
Looking at my phone, I see I've missed a few texts from Caleb, all demanding an explanation for my surprise sexual assault on him earlier today. The first ring doesn't even get to finish doing its thing before he picks up.
"Jesus, Em. What were you thinking? What if he saw that kiss?"—"He" being our stalker who, as it turns out, really is a dickless wonder, and "that kiss" being my way of drawing out Ms. Dickless—"Did you get an email?"
"Does Melissa have glossy brown hair?" I ask, not bothering to answer any of his totally legit questions.
He hesitates, probably thrown off by what he thinks is a change of topic. "What does it matter?"
"Just tell me."
"Yeah, sure, but—"
"Does she dress like she's got a personal shopper at Saks?"
"Em, you're not making sense. Why are you asking about Melissa?" I almost laugh. If he's confused now, just wait until I get to the point.
"Is she beautiful?" Her picture stares me in the face, and, God, I have so much fucking hate for her. My finger hovers over the "send" button in the chat window on my laptop, and as he starts speaking again, I click it.
"She is nowhere near as..." When he goes quiet, I know he's just seen Exhibit A. "What am I looking at?"
"You tell me. Is that Melissa?" His lack of response is all the answer I need. "It's her," I tell him. "She's the one who's been sending me the emails. She's the one who took the video of us."
"That doesn't make any sense, Em."
"The stalker doesn't want me, Caleb. She wants you."
Normally, his long pauses make me throw internal hissy fits, but this one, I get. He can take as long as he needs to process this massive mindfuck. Hell, I'm still processing it. Fifteen minutes ago, I was convinced that Jeff was obsessed with me. That he was behind all the threats. Now? Up is down and down is up, and it's making me super dizzy.
Wait... Nope, that's not dizziness. It's nausea. I think I'm gonna be sick.
The toilet is too far away, so I run to my bedroom window, throw it open, and spill what little I have in me to spill all over the back patio. You'd think vomiting would stop once your stomach's nice and empty, but no. Your body needs to make extra special sure everything's out and just keeps on heaving until it's satisfied.
"Em! Are you ok?" Caleb's alarmed voice shouts from the phone. Oh God... He heard all that retching and splashing. Gross.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm good. Can you hold on for just a sec?" If I don't brush my teeth and gurgle a gallon of mouthwash right now, I'm going to throw up all over again.