She leaned back in the water and wearily closed her eyes, letting the steam curl up over her shoulders and caress her flushed cheeks. A long, heavy sigh escaped her – hope, fear, and longing all rolled together in a drawn-out, shaky breath. Her fingers trembled, and rapidly melting cubes clinked merrily together in her half-empty tumbler. She frowned and set the drink down on the redwood shelf behind her. She'd made the offer, now she had to wait and see what he chose to do.
The waiting, she knew, was the hardest part.
Turning slightly on the smooth bench, she curled an arm under her head, sliding down so the heat and steam lapped at her neck, tickled her ear. She looked out over the city lights, willing herself to relax, letting the muted bustle of holiday traffic drift over her.
She liked this time of year…or had, once upon a time. In a land that seemed far, far away, things had been merry and bright –
she
had been merry and bright. He had done that for her – found the smile she'd lost, the laughter she'd given up on…reminded her of the joy to be had in life, in
living
.
Like well-worn photographs, she sifted through the memories, a soft smile tilting her lips. She heard his voice as he simplified the intricacies of roux, felt his touch as he twirled her through a two-step. She felt wallboard beneath her palm as he fulfilled her fantasy…and shivered in the remembered breeze of an open window, as she curled around him in a straight-backed chair. Image after image swept over her, leaving her flushed and yearning, aching for the past, even while she prayed for the future.
Dipping a fingertip into the water, she trailed lazy patterns through the misty heat. She'd hoped he'd be here by now. Had hoped he'd meet her in the lobby, or even called from the airport. But she'd heard nothing, been greeted by no one. It had been sheer hope that had kept her feet moving up the stairs and across the dimly-lit roof, stubborn pride that had made her slip one long leg, then the other, into the steamy hot water, when all she wanted to do was run away to some dark, hidden corner and cry her eyes out. And it was utter desperation that had forced her, after a mind-numbing hour of being alone, to slink into the bar and order a Jim Beam and Pepsi, hissing at that first raw sting, drowning in the memories of a different place and time, and the man who'd given her the world.
Reaching over her shoulder, she picked up the glass and finished off the watery remains, slipping an ice cube onto her tongue and rolling the cool glass over the hot flush of her cheek. She held her breath as the clock tower chimed, the distant bells etching misery into her heart. Her two-hour time limit was up, and she was alone. He'd made his choice.
Dropping her head into the crook of her elbow, she let the pain rip through her, blast after blast of agonizing grief crashing through her until finally she surged to her feet, eyes closed and teeth clenched as she physically forced the rage, the hurt, the misery into a manageable knot that she could set aside.
Lifting her face to the night sky, she gasped as a breath of cold kissed across her skin, sliding over her cheek and down her neck. Another followed, and another, Lady Winter's frozen tears mingling with the heat of her own. First snowfall…he'd always called it a new beginning. But this time, it was a beginning she refused to accept, the end of a dream she couldn't bear to relinquish.
"Oh sugar…don' cha know your tears are the one thing that can destroy me?"
At the rough whisper, she trembled, afraid to open her eyes, afraid of what she might – or might not – see.
She felt his finger brush against the curve of her cheek, petal-soft in the steamy fog of the rooftop hot tub. She shuddered.
"Darlin'…please don't cry" Pain shimmered in his voice as his hand cupped her cheek, thumb tracing the soft line of her swollen, quivering lips.
She bit her lip against a sob, turning her face into that familiar hand, pressing against him, daring to hope.
Cradling her head between his hands, he brushed his lips over her lashes, kissing away her tears, murmuring soft words, holding her as if she were made of fine-spun glass.
Warmth and concern glittered in his brown eyes.
At the doubt so obvious on her face, he smiled. "Yeah, baby…I'm here." He shrugged, playing off the frustration that he'd felt for the past six hours. "Last minute work to finish up, delayed flight…but I'm here."
A smile spread slowly across her face as she realized he really was there, holding her, not just the figment of her imagination that he'd been so many times before. She lifted her fingers and sifted them through the softness of his hair, watched him shiver as her nails gently stroked along his scalp. Turning her head she pressed her lips to his wrist, thrilling at the feel of his rough, ragged pulse. Wonder flushed through her at the thought that maybe he was running on nerves and anticipation as well.
Grinning, he threaded his fingers through the wet curls lying damply against her neck, softly massaging the slick skin. "Got enough room in there for me?"
Slowly she stepped back, caressing her palm along his neck, over his shoulders, until her fingers tangled with his. Tugging gently, she grinned at him. "Sure. We can spare…oh, five minutes before they come around to kick me out."
He lifted her hands, brushing a soft, nibbling kiss along her knuckles, smiling to himself at the gasp she couldn't quite hold back. "No worries,
'tit chat
… I stopped at the desk on the way up." He nipped the end of a finger between his teeth. "We've got 'til closing."
She struggled to breathe as her bones turned liquid. "So what're you waiting for," she gasped.
His dark eyes drilled through her. "You. Seems like I've waited my whole life for you."
