'Twas the week before Christmas...
This really wasn't like me. I can feel my cheeks glowing again just thinking about it. It's like someone else took me over that day. Saying what I said, doing what I did....it's not that I regret it, and nobody got hurt, eh?
In fact, it helped me get through that Christmas, and to get my head together into the new year. So, it was a positive thing. But it was a strange day all round.
Brief as I can, this is me - I work at home, I'm a writer. Sometimes that means putting the final touches to a novel -- optimistically. Sometimes it means doing a travel piece for an airline magazine -- without ever going to the destination -- just to pay some bills. Google Earth and Wikipedia have helped put food on the table more than once.
6 months ago the father of my child tells me he's leaving. No real explanation, but I s'pose I could see it coming. So me and Hanna are rolling around a house with less furniture than before, and a nagging hollow in our lives. But we're a team, we get on with it all.
And now it's coming up to Christmas, and via txt he drops this bomb -- 'Hanna with me xmas day? we goin to my mums. Nxt year with you, ok'
Hmm. My world went silent. Silent and cold.
He never was a particularly eloquent engineer of the written word.
I spoke to Hanna; and after a lot of tears and hugging, she confessed that yes, she wanted to go. Fucking daughters and their fathers. I s'pose at her age I would done the same thing. Damn it hit me hard though.
So -- not only did I have the task of trying to make our girls-only Christmas the best ever, but now I had to get it organised quicker too. Our day, would be Christmas Eve.
I imagine you're the same as me -- some things you gotta go to a real shop for, but nowadays Amazon and Ebay make shopping sooo much easier. I was madly ordering stuff daily, from new twinkly lights, to the full size bike I knew she needed. When did bikes get so expensive? The credit card seemed to wince with every purchase. All that e-commerce meant almost daily deliveries arriving too.
Like I said, I work at home; thank you cable internet. So being around for all the random package arrivals was no problem, aside from the odd tricky moment when you're in the shower. Or, I'm slightly ashamed to admit, once when you're having a midday private test with a toy you've bought as a guilty treat. Hey, some people take coffee breaks, that day I had a 'me' break, ok?
Then, on December the 23nd, I got the most amazing, game changing email. Months before, a big publisher had sounded me out about a job, and I gathered my skirts and put on a good show. But I wasn't holding my breath, y'know? They'd just pick a 'name' as usual, and promise to keep me on file. Blaa blaa.
The subject line read 'Welcome on board.' Scanning through my daily influx of junk nonsense, I almost missed it. Good job I was intrigued. The body copy started, 'Regarding the autobiography of **** ******, we confirm that we would like to engage you for the project. As agreed, the daily expenses for prior research/interviews will be.....'
I stopped reading, and just sat open mouthed. Then a sound started to come out of me, a whimper at first, building into a full blown scream. I stood, my arms up finishing in two devil-horn gestures.
I'd been picked to ghost-write the autobiography of a major, major footballer. I was gonna be freakin' rich! Well, pretty comfortable for a while. His name was enough to guarantee good sales, so as long as I did a decent job -- and hell I would -- then commissions should come in off the back of it. To say I was ecstatic was to not do it justice.
So, can you see how that day suddenly became a little different? How you might be excused for, say, going off the rails just a bit?
I had two 500 word film reviews to finish, and it was only 10.30 am, but I couldn't stop myself -- I was almost dancing around under the Christmas decorations. A smile was glued to my face.
Even though I'd been absorbed in planning and buying all the gifts and festive fayre, I hadn't felt that jolly, to be honest. The thought of being alone on the actual day was quietly killing me. But now I felt overjoyed, even optimistic. It might only last a short while, but it had turned into the biggest day of my career, so screw it! I went off to the fridge and opened a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc that had sat in there for a week.
My routine generally was to get coffee first thing, and let it do it's work while bustling about getting Hanna ready and finally off to school. Then check the laptop, but not to really touch the thing. Because a shower and real clothes were next -- homeworker + no routine = a slob.
As I said, that day I'd been hit by a brilliant tornado called 'Joy', so I enjoyed a glass of crisp wine, and luxuriated in my t shirt and dressing gown still. A little decadence, before the hard work on the book started. I will admit, I even started singing Christmas songs while bouncing around. The blinds were shut, who cares? The first glass seemed to disappear, so I refilled it. It had been a shitty year; I deserved that day.
The second glass is going down well, and I'd moved onto torch songs by Queen. Top of my voice. Then, the doorbell goes.
Shit. I pride myself in answering the door looking like a sane lady, so no one can snigger to their buddies about the 'loose woman' at number 12. And certainly not the neighbours, half of whom I'm sure think I live off welfare benefits -- you know; no man around, young kid, doesn't leave to go to a job. The bell rings again. Oh fuck.
Putting the glass down, I tidy and tuck myself together as best I can in the mirror. After a deep breath, I walk to the front door.
Flicking the locks, I half open it and look out. Oh no, it's him. Of course, it had to be him.
With all the extra deliveries coming up to Christmas, most of the couriers had taken on temporary staff to deal with the rush. And this new guy had been a regular at my door for the last couple of weeks. Jeez, he was take-your-breath-away-gorgeous.
Because he was rocking up to my house every couple of days it seemed, of course you get familiar. You talk, end up knowing a little bit about each other. That's natural, and polite. Was I a touch too eager with him? Maybe....having a young beautiful man on your doorstep regularly, who's oh so eager to help, was a treat; Ok? I'll freely admit it. Every time he handed over another package, his smiling face mouthed something about signing the dumb little electronic device.....but I was just looking at his lips. A few bits of stubble, he was probably too young to grow anything fuller. But rosy, happy lips, brought out even more with the nip in the air. Always like he was truly pleased to see you.....probably he was relieved I was in, so at least another successful delivery was crossed off his busy schedule. But he made that smile feel like it was just for me.
And the fingers. Beautiful. Everytime he handed me a parcel I made sure my hand brushed against them -- they were long and fine, like a pianist. Sorry about the schoolgirl gushing, but it'd been a while, yeah?
My final piece of defence, your honour, is he'd told me that he was only on a one month contract. After the last delivery on Christmas Eve, he was gone, I'd never see him again. Outta town, maybe out the country. Curse the young for their freedom.