*Running into a wall is bad, having it fall on you is worse but not being missed is the worst*
(Much talking; not too much sex)
(Yes, this tale is supposed to be somewhat humorous and outrageous too. While not always comedic I'd like to think it is mostly a good-natured romp.)
BEYOND BED AND BREAKFAST
Iona gave me a precious, sleepy smile as I climbed out of bed in the morning. I looked at her heavy eyes, questioning her intent, when she pulled my pillow into her chest and drifted off into slumber once more. Paige was dead to the world, undoubtedly wrapped up in the remorseless rest of the Damned.
I was able to dress uninterrupted and glide downstairs to find Jill already up and puttering around. I was about to find out what she had heard last night.
"Good morning, Zane. Are you feeling better?" Jill asked.
"Feeling better?" I questioned.
"Your...you know, down there...are you feeling better?" she clarified somewhat. I imagine my jaw dropped because she looked at me with an obvious amusement.
"How did you know?" I finally responded.
"Oh, Iona came to my room last night and explained the situation as well as apologizing for the disruption," Aunt Jill explained. "She's a very forthright and honest young lady...and she doesn't currently have a fiancé either."
"What...whoa...wait a second, Jill," I stammered. Things were going way too fast for me. "How is it you are okay with two girls sleeping in my bedroom and three more coming over when three months ago we couldn't even discuss sex at all and its only place was in the marriage bed? What happened that I missed?"
"Zane," Jill sighed patiently, "when God closes one door he opens another. I had to accept that my life with Tim was over and I had to move forward with my life with you. That means I am going to get more mileage out of counseling you as opposed to dictating abstinence."
"And you have this epiphany AFTER you burn all the stuff I brought back from Thailand," I groaned.
"We both did things we probably regret," she reasoned.
"You've been talking to Iona...or more likely, Iona's been calling you," I began piecing it together.
"After you told me about what those girls were making you do -- like crawl around on your knees -- I tried to get some of your classmates to tell me what was really going on," Jill related.
"Iona was the only one who would talk to me and she and I have communicated pretty regularly since then," Jill finished. "She's a truly sweet girl and I think you two make a cute couple."
In case you are wondering, there is no good response to that statement.
"She tells me you are interested in that 'Christina' girl. She's...elegant," which was Jill's way of saying Christina wasn't a 'humble Christian girl' like Iona.
Something in that train of thought made me put a few other faces to the descriptor 'elegant'.
"Is that why you didn't like Mom, Dad...and, well, was Uncle Tim snobby as well -- elegant?" I mused. Jill stopped looking in the fridge were she was figuring out what we'd be having for breakfast.
"Yes," Jill said quietly. Tim hadn't wanted to marry Jill; he'd wanted to marry Jill's older sister, Kathryn. Jill matched herself against Mom, the free spirit, and Dad, the joker, who were both sophisticated Devil-May-Care people born of wealth and privilege. In a way, Tim was from the same background, except that he ended up arrogant and emotionally distant.
Of course, Tim had to grow up with Granddad, who was a real peach, and my Dad, who was always larger than life, always doing whatever task their father put before him and always going one step beyond. Worse, Dad always had the courage to be himself. Dad was the brilliant rebel, the Prodigal Son who was always welcomed back home; Tim was the plodding workhorse.
The best example of this was the first time each of them ran away from home. Tim ran away to the tree house in the backyard at the house in Wyoming. The first time Dad ran away, he ended up in Hawaii. When the FBI caught him, he was working in a Japanese restaurant, stock-piling Australian dollars, and had a map of the Great Barrier Reef. Now that I think of it, I must get my nuttiness from Dad.
"Jill, I'm sorry Tim wasn't the husband you deserved," I told her softly. I rested a hand on her shoulder and she backed into me. I wrapped my arms around her from behind.
"Thank you, Zane," she told me in a soft voice. She looked out of the window over the sink for a few seconds.
"Do you think we should get a pool?" Jill broke the silence. Huh?
"Who are you and what have you done with my Aunt Jill?" I teased her. It took a second for Jill to get it but when she did, she laughed.
"Wait," she teased back, "would I be a clone, an alien, or...what were those things I heard about...oh, pod-people?"
"I think you are the Pink Power Ranger," Paige snickered from my elbow where she had materialized mysteriously from the ether. Jill squeaked and spun around while I was busy putting my heart back in my chest. Jill struggled out of my arms, blushed, and went back to the fridge. "Did I interrupt something?"
"Yes; my desire to live a longer life," I coughed.
"Now that we have the useless pleasantries out of the way, what I really want to know is if all the equipment is in working order," Paige smirked. I thought of a smarmy reply, an angry reply, and even ignoring her, but another idea won out.
"Hey, Babe," I whispered in a husky voice to Paige as I stepped into body contact with her, "it hurts a little right now but thanks for asking. I'm glad you are watching out for me." I drew a line with right hand along her collarbone and shoulder to her neck and finally circling her ear.
"Oh," Paige gulped. Her eyes grew wide. "Of course, Zane. I want to watch out for you -- I care."
I let my arms drape around her and linked them up at the small of her back, pulling her tight to me. Paige slipped her arms beneath me and did likewise, with the added gesture of placing her ear to my chest. Iona slipped into the kitchen as she did so. She gave me a cute wave, side-stepped us, and went to help Jill.
I figured from Iona's actions that she was going to keep Jill busy getting the four of us breakfast, so I took Paige's right hand in my left and led her out into the hall. As I headed for the porch in the back, someone came through the front door, attempting to be stealthy. It was Leigh; I'd clearly caught her doing something wrong.
"Yes?" I questioned. She looked to Paige then back to me.
"I forgot to return your keys," Leigh evaded.
"What are you doing with my keys?" I sounded a bit cross. Paige squeezed my hand tightly, expressing her own tension.
"Paige gave them to me to use last night," Leigh gulped.
"You are hopeless as a conspirator," Paige growled at Leigh. I took a deep breath instead. I was going to have as little stress in my morning as possible.
"Please give them to Iona in the kitchen, Leigh," I sighed. A quick look to Paige showed her that I wasn't angry so she didn't resist as I resumed our journey.
Out on the porch I took a large, cushioned, low-swung wooden chair and sat down.
"It's cold out here," Paige shivered. I responded by pulling her into my lap. It took her a moment to figure out what to do with herself. She settled on sitting sideways with her left arm over my shoulder and her head laying on top of it.
It took twenty-five minutes for Iona to come out and get us.
"Breakfast," Iona said. I looked at her curiously, trying to judge how she was taking the loss of the time promised to her this weekend. She winked and went back inside so I guessed everything was okay and our weekend postponed.
