Christian College Sex Comedy

*To make the right decision requires a combination of confidence, knowledge, and luck*

(Frontma battles banality to get another chapter edited - thanks)

(Yes, this tale is supposed to be somewhat humorous and outrageous too. While not always comedic, I'd like to think it is mostly a good-natured romp.)

*

A little nonsequitur: I once asked my close associates why they believed in God.

Rio: "Well, I can't very well be a convincing Satanist if I don't give lip service to the Other Guy."

Iona: "The Universe makes sense. It is our roadmap for Ascension and a fuller understanding of God's Love."

Christina: "I've seen Evil so there must be Good."

Heaven: "Because I prayed for death but Christina came and I prayed for you (Zane) to go but you stayed."

Hope: "Because I live in a country that allows me to own a K11 assault rifle for home defense." No one wants to ask Hope if she has the official rifle of the ROK Army with her at school, or if she actually has the grenades that go with it. What good would it do; it isn't like we would try to take it away from her. Most of us like living too much.

Chastity: "Firefighters, organ donors, Christian converts in Iran...with so many people giving for no material gain, that indicates to me a higher purpose for mankind -- a struggle between right and wrong."

Faith: "Belief in Christ cannot be given a definition. If you define it, it ceases being faith."

Barbie Lynn: sweetly gave me a peppermint and smiled. She had to look no farther than the fate that had brought us together and the joy we shared; she didn't need words.

Paige: "Only something with infinite precision and power could bring about the Big Bang. The day they can give a name to that force, I will gladly surrender my faith."

Cordelia: "Let me think about my reply. Why do you believe in God?" (Like I'd ever tell her.)

Cappadocia: "What an empty and lonely thing life must be if these few years are all we have?"

Opal: "I always have and never heard an argument that would make me think differently."

Brandi: "It was how I was raised. But the first time you kissed my stomach, I had my own personal religious experience (giggle)."

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY...BACK TO THE STORY

Breakfast unfolded pretty much like it had a week ago, with the added bonus of poisonous glares between clumps of students, bandages, bruises, and the sense of unease that comes from unresolved conflict. After all, neither Christina nor Rhaine had won. This was acceptable to most of the sane crowd as the alternative would have been to make the school unbearable to the other half of the student body so that they left.

Instead, we got to bask in the chilly civility that Christian politeness dictated. At least I wasn't (too) worried about a pack of girls ambushing me. As was becoming her habit, Gabrielle Black had devoured her food in less than four minutes and paced the perimeter of the Dining Room floor, her eyes dodging about with no discernible pattern. I kept an eye on her because she worried me in a way that went far beyond hormones.

"Zane?" Iona repeated. I had barely registered her first request for a moment of my time.

"Yes, Hon?" I smiled down at her. She looked happy for the eye contact but worried about what she had to say.

"Zane, there are two other candidates for Freshman Class President -- Mhain Reynard and Millicent Pierce," Iona informed me.

"Millicent?" grumbled Rio. "Zane saved her ass and now she's kicking sand in his face? The bitch."

"Millicent is free to do what she wants. She may have wanted to be nominated before all this chaos came about. I'm not going to begrudge her having political ambitions," I told them.

"Zane, I don't think you understand what this means," Iona worried.

"Sure I do; Millicent and I are going to split the Pro-Christina vote. There will be a run-off. If it is Millicent and I, Mhain's votes will go to her and I lose. If it is Mhain and Millicent, my votes will go to Millicent and she wins. If it is Mhain and I, it will be a toss-up. Essentially, Millicent can definitely defeat Mhain but I can't."

"This sounds like a job for the NSA," Rio glared off to where Millicent was sitting. I don't think Rio knew what Mhain looked like. NSA referred to Rio's title as my in-house assassin -- Ninja Stripper Angel.

"Don't worry," I patted Rio on the shoulder, "I got this, Bro."

When I got up, Rio followed me nonetheless. Chancellor Bass was absent for the second day in a row so the highest authority seemed to be Dr. Scarlett, the Vice Chancellor. Gabrielle noted my movement but didn't deviate from her path. Mrs. Cunningham was closest but seeing neither authority figure appeared nervous, she too went about her rounds.

Mind you, girls are moving around the Dining Hall all the time but I'm special...being a troublemaking, devious male. I rounded a table and walked over to Millicent, who was warned of my approach by an associate. She twisted in her chair and waited for the flavor of my greeting.

"Hey, Millicent, I want to congratulate you on your nomination and I hope you get the votes to be on the ballot," I said as I extended my hand. She shook it and smiled.

"Thank you, Zane. Good luck to you too," she replied.

"How about we have a debate a few nights before the election? Interested?" I pondered.

"That would be great," Millicent agreed. "We can request the Assembly Hall but we'll need to figure out who should be moderator."

"We'll figure it out," I nodded. "I'm going to say 'hi' to Mhain as well."

"I will come along," Millicent informed me as she stood up and stepped to my side. "Hi, Rio."

"Eat shit and die, you ungrateful whore," Rio snarled back at Millicent, who backed off. "Zane should have left you for Bass to fuck over." Millicent's crowd was shocked, then outraged.

"Cool it, Rio." I stroked her arm. "You and I do what we do for our own ends and not for the accolades of others." I turned to her, "Right?" Rio took a deep breath.

"You are such a dumb blonde," she smirked at me. "I get my thirty pieces of silver up front."

"Thanks, Babe," I grinned at Rio. I looked back to Millicent. "I'm still going to see Mhain if you want to tag along with me and Rio."

"I'm feeling fearless with a positive outlook on life so I'll risk it," Millicent smiled. Yeah, beating Millicent in this election was going to be fun...right up there with waking up on the Kappa Sigma cross out in the woods. The three of us walked over to Mhain and her crowd of freshmen Rhaine-supporters. The conversation around us died, proving I was definitely unwelcome.

"Hi, Mhain. I just wanted you to know I am happy to hear that you are jumping in on the race for Freshman Class President," I grinned while extending my hand.

"I would like to welcome you as well," Millicent stated, extending her hand too. Rio thankfully hung back and kept quiet.

Mhain turned around in her seat so that she faced us, though she remained seated. She looked into my eyes then regarded my hand before doing the same to Millicent.

"Very well, Millicent," Mhain finally said as she shook Millicent's hand. "You will lose, and while I hope you leave this school at the end of the year, if you don't, I pray you learn humility and proper Christian decorum."

Mhain was so fervent that Millicent appeared aghast at the situation. She hardened quickly.

"It is small-minded zealots like you that give people of faith a bad name, Mhain," Millicent seethed in response. "I'll make you a bargain. If you win, I'll leave FFU the day following the election; but if...when you lose, you agree to stick it out through your senior year."

Mhain stood, and the grip between the two women became bone-crushing.

"Pack your bags," Mhain hissed, "you Jezebel."

"Jezebel," Rio snickered to me. "Seriously, is that the best she's got?"

"I think she's calling Millicent a betrayer," I related, "and I must be too evil to be named."

"I think..." Millicent violently yanked her hand away from Mhain and then wiped it vigorously on her pleated skirt as if Mhain's touch was somehow toxic, "...she's home-schooled."

"Oh, she's one of those," Rio grinned to the same Millicent she'd been ready to slap only seconds before. "One family TV, one family computer, and six or seven brothers and sisters."

"Only allowed to contact similar children in scheduled gatherings...yep," Millicent nodded. Mhain was getting quite pissed off at being mocked.

"Not at all incestuous, even with the only males around being family," Rio smiled viciously.

"Oh no, not at all," Millicent agreed. "Well, have fun with the election, Mhain. Making you spend the next four years with Zane is going to make my victory just that much sweeter."

Mhain was gargling out a response when we three turned and left her. As we approached Millicent's seat, I spoke up.

"Why are you using me as a punishment for Mhain? I know that she doesn't like me but why did you in particular do it?"

"It really isn't so much using you as punishment for her as a reminder for me why I want to keep you around. After all, I've already bought my subscription to 'Virtual Zane' for a year," Millicent related.

"Virtual Zane?" Rio asked Millicent.

"It's a project Cordelia is working on," Millicent related, "but it is only in limited release." I wasn't asking because I was recalling me and a dozen girls in a room, me naked, and them taking all kinds of computer imagery scans of my body. At least she could have given me a heads-up before launching what was certainly a semi-pornographic 3-D rendering of me and my life.

I am definitely going to have to fix her little red wagon, but with the added complication that she certainly had already thought out my reaction and plotted accordingly. Of course, I can figure out what those contingencies are and figure a way around them, but I know she knows that...fuck it, I'm going to finish breakfast.

I escaped the Dining Hall in the company of a sophomore named Abigail Kent. Assembly was painless but it was no consolation for me when it ended. A junior named Sybil Evans was on my Handmaiden's list. She proved her pro-Rhaine credentials by saddling me with not only her book bag but the book bags of nine of her closest friends.

Oh come on, I do fifty push-ups a day, on my head with my back against a wardrobe, plus upper body strength training for Archery and endurance training for Marksmanship, Karate, and Orienteering. I grinned at Vivian who looked a bit peeved at Sybil. I spent the rest of the trip to class doing arm curls with the bags as if they were nothing, even grinning bye-bye to the bag owners when I was done.

I whistled as I walked to my desk and promptly let my arms drop like dead weight to my side because they hurt so bad, but at least my tormentors didn't get to see my pain. Lucky me, this was the day of my first English test and that involved a whole lot of writing. Me and my twisted desire to taunt my enemies -- damn the inspiration that drove me to decide on arm curls.

I still managed to push myself through the test with a few minutes to spare. I was lucky enough to be snared by Hale Johansen who tied me down with a discussion on which modern actor would best play Judas in a rendition of the Last Supper. She was mad for Nicholas Cage while I wanted Zachary Quinto. (Oh, please, the guy played Skylar and Spock; Judas is the smartest Apostle and is willing to ignore the implication that his actions will get people killed.)

Biblical Archeology's test was simple, if a bit dry. Rio and I played Rock-Paper-Scissors to pass the time in the last half of class. Either Rio studied (I try not to laugh), someone beat the knowledge into her in Sunday school (it is terrifying how hard that had to be), she'd somehow cheated, or she's been masking her smarts really well.

It was inevitable that one of Rhaine's people picked me up for the trip to Biology. She began lecturing me on God, Man, Woman, and our separate places in the Universe. I interrupted Theresa, my mistress, to tell her she smelled like sugar dumplings. She didn't know what to say and neither did I. This may have been brought on by neither of us knowing precisely what a sugar dumpling was or what it smelled like. Chastity thinks I'm a nut and sometimes I agree.

SERAPHINA AND BLACK AGAIN

Biology's test was its own kind of mental torment. Whenever I discover the acceptable default answer to any question is "God wills it," I hear millions of my brain cells stampeding for the exits. This is supposed to be the foundation for me becoming somebody that actually heals bodies, prescribes medicines, and diagnoses a human being's physical ailments, and I'm becoming worried I won't be qualified to apply a bandage.

Seraphina and I snuck off to the bathroom (I have notoriously poor bladder control) after she finished her test and I could tell by the look in her eyes that she felt as cerebrally insulted as I did. Kissing and petting wouldn't do it this time; my plan was to bend her over the toilet, pull down her panties, and eat Seraphina out from behind.

There is always something wonderful about being someone's first, even if it is 'just' cunnilingus. Oh, I had touched her cunt before, inside and outside of her panties, but she confessed this was the first tongue to touch her there. My dedication to her sensitivity caused the frustration from Biology class to fade away. My world collapsed down to her upper thighs, ass cheeks, and pubic region.

I was on my knees, awkwardly positioned forward with my butt resting on my heels, when Seraphina looked over her shoulder at me. She gave me an unsure smile and then pushed herself up on her toes. She had anticipated the difficulty of my position and made my job easier, which resulted in her greater pleasure.

I didn't want her to become unsettled so when I placed my hands on her, it was right above the knees -- a safe region. I kissed her above the right hand on her thigh. Seraphina moaned.

"Zane...Zane, I am not sure what to say," she murmured.

"It isn't necessary, Seraphina," I comforted her. "Let your body tell me all that you need me to know." Seraphina didn't miss a trick -- she merely nodded.

I let my lips work a track up the back of her right thigh until I reached the minute crease where the buttocks and the thigh met. From there, I licked in with a broad stroke to the point where her labia swelled at the back. Before the moment of contact, I skipped her pussy and touched down on the cusp where it met her buttocks and thigh on the left side. Seraphina exhaled in foiled anticipation.

I had let my hands follow behind my kisses on her thighs. When my mouth crossed to her left butt cheek I rested my hands on her hips, giving me some leverage and control over her stance. That done I moved in for her first real overt sexual sensation of this encounter. I lead off with broad strokes to either side of her labia, along the inner hip joint.

A few strokes doing that, then I sharpened my tongue to a blunt tip and licked lightly her labia from back to front with a confident tongue-caress of her clitoris at the high point of my technique. I was somewhat pleased that Seraphina didn't jolt or squeak out in surprise. Everything I was doing was flowing in synch with her natural desires.

Seraphina graduated from a scared-dry to a gentle-moistness and finally a musky, oily tastiness. Her breathing was steady but became deeper and a bit more ragged as we progressed. One little grunt on her part and I knew to dedicate more of my efforts toward exploration. I moved my left hand around until it graced her nub of a clit and the top of her cunt.

Alternating between deep, tight penetrations and broad, powerful licks that parted the labia, I would drive half a knuckle of my left forefinger into her slit when my tongue wasn't in the way. The moment she was sure of the game, I tilted up and took a playful bite of her left butt cheek, sharp enough to startle but not enough to leave a permanent mark.

"Ow!" she hissed through clenched teeth. We had to keep it down because sound did carry in this building. I dove back into her moist cunt in response, stayed there long enough for her to settle in, then bit the right cheek. This time Seraphina pressed against the back of the stall to escape my nip, but she came back when the tongue torture returned. The uncertainty was breaking down her resistance.

Blind passion was taking Seraphina over. She was sure another bite was hovering out there, waiting for her to coast along with the rhythm. Instead, she had to focus on each move of my mouth as she tried to anticipate what I'd do next. As she focused on each stroke and probe, her world collapsed into each sensual moment and reaction.

"Oh, Zane," she panted, "oh God, oh God, oh God," she began softly chanting. Next, she made constrained little grunts of pleasure that picked up in intensity until her body tensed and spasmed. Her legs grew rigid and her back bowed up as she internalized her orgasm. Time and comfort allowed, I would have kept gently tonguing Seraphina as she slowly came down, but we had to get back to class so I held her carefully by the hips instead.

Seraphina snickered when she calmed down enough to clearly vocalize to me. That noise became a giggle.

"What is it?" I whispered.

"Oh, I just realized we need to figure what class we are going to share next semester because I certainly want to do this all year long," she laughed quietly.

"We could take Orienteering Club together." I mused.

"Orienteering...sorry, but Heaven is in charge of Orienteering, and since you two are together, I really don't want to contemplate what kind of reconstructive surgery she'd put me through if she saw us touching," Seraphina grinned over her shoulder at me.

"Hold that thought," I told her. I slipped out of the stall, got some wet paper towels, and returned to Seraphina. She took the wipes with a smile and cleaned up while I watched. "You know, Heaven can be really nice if you give her a chance."

"Zane, for a guy who appears to be so good with women, you miss out on some obvious things," Seraphina kept grinning.

"I'd argue more if I didn't spend half my time bound up by one person or another," I sighed.

"Zane," Seraphina pulled up her underwear, stood up, and faced me, "even if a girl is nice and sweet to you, that doesn't mean she's nice and sweet to another girl who gets in between you and her."

"I'm not jealous, and I don't like jealousy in those around me," I countered.

"How are Paige and Heaven getting along?" Seraphina teased. I was saved by bell, literally. It was time to make for the Dining Hall...or in my case, back to my room for some hot, passionate loving with Barbie Lynn. I had to talk to her about something; I'd figure out what when I got there, I was sure.

Any joy I was anticipating collided fatally with Vivian's expression as Seraphina and I raced back to our classroom. She didn't look pissed; she looked furiously disappointed.

"We completed the test and had to go to the bathroom," I blurted out. You know, I'm not bad at creating excuses off the cuff, but any chance of Vivian being deceived evaporated when Seraphina took my hand as a sympathetic signal of moral support.

"You couldn't wait the last few minutes before the bell?" Vivian glared at me. I could tell her I went to the bathroom ten minutes ago but that leads to the question of what took me ten minutes to do in the bathroom. My hesitation allowed Vivian to lean forward and take a sniff of the sexual arousal on my lips -- Seraphina's arousal. "Zane..."

"I stepped out of bounds, Vivian. I'm sorry," I apologized. I had promised to be as discrete as possible, after all.

Any conversation was rendered more convoluted by the girls exiting the classrooms and moving through the hall.