1
'I'm really sorry, I can't...'
I knew it was too good to be true. I knew I had gone too far. I knew there was no going back and I had probably just ruined my friendship with Steffi.
I felt as if the moment after those words were spoken was happening in slow motion. In my mind I could hear the depression in the air as the bomb dropped into the atmosphere directly over my head.
'Is everything okay?' I asked, imagining how otherwise it could have been hilarious that we were about to have a conversation as I lay looking up at her from between her legs, but she crossed them and sat up.
'Yeah, no I can't do this,' she said with a tight frown and looking down at the floor beside the bed. I didn't ask why and didn't need to. I just looked up at her quietly, sitting up and politely handing back her clothes.
'I'm sorry, you're right, we shouldn't,' I replied regretfully before literally hiding my eyes behind my hands.
'It'd be too weird, I guess I just don't see you in that way but bloody hell you knew what you were doing and I couldn't help myself and then all of a sudden it just felt wrong,' she explained further, starting to pull her clothes back on.
My heart sunk. I literally felt evil. I had taken advantage of her and if I was honest enough, I'd have made it clear enough that I still wanted to. We had come that close and yet no doubt would always remember it having gone this far rather than never having dared. I was even ashamed and no doubt she was too.
'I've fucked up badly,' I told her, 'I'm really sorry, forgive me?'
Oddly, she laughed but it wasn't so out of order. It was just to express that she wasn't so freaked out when she told me I didn't exactly ruin her life.
'We would have ruined our friendship is all,' she told me before suggesting that she'd better leave and that she'd see me sometime later.
I doubted it for the rest of that day...
2
At 9pm the doorbell rang. I looked out from my bedroom window to see Kayli standing at my front door. Immediately I moved away from the window. I wasn't in a fit state to get the shit kicked out of me by someone's older s****r for having taken advantage of them; least of all Steffi's.
I deserved it, yes, but I couldn't face it. If Steffi had told her everything, I was about to look like the world's biggest pervert before being disowned by the entire family. I started to panic on the inside when my phone started to buzz.
It's Kayli, let me in, I know you're home x
The sentence read anger, just like when my mother would be plain and simple - completely non-threatening and without a hint of wanting to be - before smacking my arse raw but the X on the end said otherwise. What the fuck was I supposed to make of it?
I exhaled heavily, knowing I'd have to face the music. Maybe I'd be able to turn things around. I was a good talker and I was honest, something Kayli and her sister knew. So with that, the slightest of mental preparation before my almighty arse kicking, I headed downstairs to open the door.
Before I could say anything as I opened the door wide, Kayli walked past me before even speaking. I just stood there holding the door open by the handle and looking at her. I couldn't tell what I was in for.
Still, I couldn't help taking in the view as she passed me.
Kayli, in case I never mentioned, dressed to thrill way too often. For someone who wasn't happy with the shape of her body, she liked to wear those tight leggings and her arse liked to pack a punch in them. She liked to wear the low cut tops that would show off her awesome cleavage, the type also cut off at the belly to show her washboard stomach.
Her now dyed black hair fashioned punkishly short, she had the looks of a model and attracted ridiculous amounts of attention. It was no wonder I was having vivid dreams of fucking her. Fat chance of that, I thought.
'What happened?' she asked, none too enthusiastic to hear it from me.
'What has she told you?' I asked, closing the door, assuming she might stay long enough to sit down and drink some coffee. I led her into the kitchen to switch the kettle on.
'Everything,' she said almost sadly before raising her voice so I could hear the amount of disappointment in me bubbling beneath the surface. 'What the fuck were you thinking? You've known her since forever. It's not right!'
'If she told you everything then why are you asking me this?' I half-shouted, retreating for having no safe ground to stand on.
'Because she isn't exactly good with words,' Kayli explained as though reminding me of something I should have known.
'Look, she was good at using the words 'no' and 'can't' and I understood that perfectly - tea or coffee? - and I apologised, I went too far. Kayli, I am sorry. My mind is a fucking mess right now and even more so since we did what we did.'
'Coffee, and fine, okay, it's just really fucked up, all of this. And believe me, you're not the only one whose head is fucked right now,' she said.
'I'm sorry, how is she?' I asked.
'How is who?' Kayli asked back.
