In their next session, Samantha chose to wear simple black yoga clothing. Her dominatrix attire now felt somehow immature compared with what was opening in these sessions. Still, the form-fitting top and leggings highlighted her firm breasts, trim figure, and tone ass. Even though Charles generally seemed impervious to her seductions, she still wanted every tool at her disposal for their session. Plus, she always dressed sexy--why should this be any different?
She found Charles sitting in meditation as she entered the dungeon, so she took a seat across from him on the floor. She was excited. So much had shifted in her world since their last session. The underlying anger that pervaded every interaction with men had massively dissipated. She still enjoyed exercising her power as a lawyer in a man's world, but somehow, she was now less personally invested. She wasn't pursuing her own personal vendetta. Fantastically, she noticed that this freed her to be even more competent in her role. It felt like the tectonic plates of her personality were shifting and reorganizing. Samantha was thrilled.
The other big shift had been her arousal. Samantha had been discovering just how much she enjoyed her own pleasure. Of course, this sounds obvious: enjoy your pleasure. But Samantha had been so dedicated to weaponizing her sexuality that she had never given herself permission to enjoy it. This last week, she and her vibrator had become very close friends.
Perhaps this is what Charles had in mind when he said I need to feel my own power in my own body.
She thought.
"I have a question for you." Samantha started in, "How was I able to have that orgasm last week without any physical stimulation?"
"Orgasm is energy." Charles smiled. "The energy from all the anger you were projecting outward, plus all your vitality that was locked away in that pain and grief suddenly got to flow through your body. Unleash enough energy and boom: orgasm."
"I see. Why didn't you take it any farther, into...sex?"
I was obviously really turned on.
She thought.
Were you holding back for some reason?
Charles took a moment to digest the nuance of her question. "For starters, our intention has been
containment
, which meant I was giving you the opportunity to feel yourself. Beyond that, I made a judgment call that you had moved enough energy for one session. After seeing the aftermath of Becky, I clearly underestimated your capacity." He gave a mischievous grin.
"If you leave me hungry, don't be surprised if I ravish your maid." Samantha flashed her own devilish smile.
"Today we're going to focus on
intimacy
." Charles shifted gears. He took a breath and extended his right hand, palm up. "Here, hold out your hand."
Samantha felt a wave of fear ripple through her chest, or was it excitement? Cautiously, she extended her hand.
"Now rest your hand in mine." Charles instructed. He noticed the soft texture of her skin as their hands touched. "And relax your arm. Let yourself be held by me."
More fear. Resistance. Tears in the back of my throat,
Samantha noted. This very simple exercise was surprisingly evocative. She observed how challenging it was for her to relax into being held.
Charles regarded Samantha patiently as she moved through her layers. When she got lost in her head, he nudged her hand to bring her back. He took a deep slow breath, which Samantha mirrored.
In addition to the challenge she felt to relax her hand, Samantha was finding it difficult to hold eye contact with Charles.
Well, clearly I've got some walls here.
Charles wiggled her hand: "Relax your shoulder...Good. Now relax your jaw...Good." Samantha automatically yawned. "Now look at me and take another deep slow breath."
Scared. I'm afraid to let go,
Samantha thought, as the breath helped her relax another 5 percent. Charles was beaming gentle love at her through his eyes.
His kindness feels threatening
. At that thought, something moved in her chest and Samantha softened.
Once Charles felt connected to the core of Samantha's body through her hand, he added another layer: "Repeat after me, 'I am feeling me, opening myself to you.'"
Samantha repeated the words quickly and awkwardly.
"One more time, slowly."
As she said the words, she found a deeper level of connection with her body, allowing her to settle into gazing at Charles.
"That's it" Charles cooed. "Every time you check out or get lost, come back to this statement, ok?"
Samantha nodded while holding his gaze. She could feel her fear turning into excitement now that she was actually allowing Charles to hold her hand. She gave him more weight. It felt good. Really good. Like--
this is what I've been wanting all along
--good. Her shoulders dropped and she kicked out a leg from her cross-legged posture on the floor.
"There we go!" Charles met her openness with enthusiasm.
"It's vulnerable!" Samantha exclaimed.
"And you secretly want it!" Charles mirrored her tone without missing a beat.
"Yup, that's why I resist it." Pleasure rippled across her face as she outed herself. The energy was flowing now.
This is fun
, she thought as she wiggled in her seat. Her hand was now effortlessly receiving Charles' attuned support.