It's shortly before midnight on April 1st and I'm creeping across the roof of the 7 story apartment building where I live in Manhattan to the dim light of a quarter moon and 2 faint stars. In the background I hear a couple of giggles and a quickly squelched whisper. I'm wearing a black t-shirt and shorts on my 5'3" well developed body. Underneath I have on a matching hot pink, lace 38D bra and panties. No shoes or socks. My wildly curly, dark brown hair is jammed under a black baseball cap and, except for a little mascara, my face is free of makeup and completely unadorned except for the flush of excitement staining my cheeks. I'm carrying a safety harness with an adjustable line and two carbine hooks.
Very quietly, I wrap the line around a stabilizer column on the roof, fasten it securely with the hooks and slip into the harness, making sure that all of the straps and buckles are fastened correctly. I make my way to the edge of the roof, check that my target window is directly below me, and carefully climb over the parapet so that my body is parallel to the building. Since it's a very calm night, there is no wind and I'm able to stabilize myself pretty quickly. I slowly extend the line and clamber my way down the wall until I reach the open window on the 7th floor. Inch by inch, I lever my body through the window until I'm standing on the sill inside of the room. I can hear light snoring and the sounds of traffic in the street below.
I gingerly stretch my leg out until I can feel the floor under my bare foot; as I work the other leg down to the floor, I lose my balance slightly and make a light scrabbling noise. I immediately freeze in place, holding my breath while my heartbeat speeds up to about 150 beats per minute. One of the occupants in the bed rolls over restlessly, then resumes snoring. I unclip my harness and drop it together with the line back out of the window. Then I painstakingly make my way across the room to the door which is open just a crack; I slip through, closing it gently behind me.
The 3rd door on the left is my target. I open it very, very slowly because the old wood sometimes creaks loudly. Then I tiptoe over to the empty bed, take a small jar out of my pocket and, after pulling the covers back, sprinkle the contents over the mattress. After putting the jar back in my shorts, I replace the blankets, making sure that they are smooth and that the bed appears to be undisturbed. As I turn to leave, a hard hand covers my mouth and a strong arm circles my upper body. A deep growl asks "What the hell are you doing in my brother's room?"
There was no way I can tell him that I had just filled his brother's bed with the strongest itching powder that could be purchased on the Internet. I think fast and answer, "I was looking for you. I thought this was your room."
He spins me around so fast that I would have fallen if he hadn't been holding onto my arms. "Why?"
The words spill out of my mouth before I can stop myself. "Because I've had a crush on you since 3rd grade and I finally decided to do something about it."
He starts to laugh. "By creeping around our apartment in the middle of the night? You've got to be kidding."