I
A wave of panic hit her once more, and Cara let out a heaving sob. Her chest felt like it was being squeezed in a vice, and she couldn't breathe. The attack tore through her like a fire, and the tears poured down her cheeks as she hugged herself, rocking back and forth on her bed. Shaking, her hands reached for her pill bottle, and she managed to swallow a Xanax before the next surge knocked the breath out of her again.
Somewhere, outside of her buzzing and pounding head, she heard her phone ring. Looking down, she saw David's name on the caller ID. Cara shook her head and turned off the ringing. She didn't want him to see her like this. She wasn't sure if he could handle this side of her - the debilitating anxiety, the crushing panic. He knew about it, of course, but knowing about it and seeing her in the throes of a panic attack were two different things. How could she explain? How could she tell him that their relationship was a big reason for her panic? That she was terrified of being hurt again? Terrified of once more feeling broken and discarded?
Cara was still hyperventilating when her phone rang again. And again. And again. It was still ringing when the medicine took hold of her and she drifted off into a fitful sleep.
She didn't know how long she had been asleep when, through her haze, she heard her front door opening, and Sophie started barking. She began to stir at the noise when footsteps slowly approached and she felt the bed shift as someone sat down on it. Suddenly, a hand gently came to rest on her shoulder. Startled, she sat up and was baffled to see David sitting next to her.
"Wha—What are you doing here? How did you get in?" Cara was mortified that he was seeing her like this. Her hair was a mess, her eyes felt red and puffy from all of her crying, and her clothes were disheveled.
"You gave me a key, remember? I couldn't reach you all day and I got worried. I just wanted to make sure you're ok," he said softly, raising a hand to her face and tucking her hair behind her ear.
"Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, I'm fine. I must have just dozed off," Cara mumbled.
"Are you sure? You look like you've been crying." He looked at her with concern in his eyes.
"No, I...I'm good." She inadvertently glanced down at the pill bottle still on the bed and his eyes followed her gaze. Cara tried to grab it, but he was faster. He looked down and raised an eyebrow.
"Xanax?"
Cara reached for the bottle again, but he held it away from her.
"What happened, Cara?
"I just...had a panic attack, is all," she managed to say. "It's no big deal."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I...I just didn't want to bother you. You don't need to deal with that."
David leaned over and hugged her close. "You should have called me. I want to help, if I can."
Cara shrugged. "I'm kind of tired. Can we talk about this another time?"
David looked at her, but Cara couldn't tell what he was thinking. All of a sudden, he stood up. "I'll be right back." She watched him leave the room, and lay back on the bed, curled up in a ball, wishing she was alone. She heard water running in the bathroom, but the sounds faded as she dozed off again.
She was woken by David once again. "Come with me, Cara."
Cara groaned. David leaned over and gathered her in his arms, then picked her up and carried her towards the bathroom. Exhausted, Cara sank into his arms, her head on his chest. When they entered the room, Cara's eyes widened in surprise. She could see that David had filled the bathtub with water and added some of the bubble bath she had under the sink.
"What did you do?" Cara asked, dazed.
David sat her down on the closed toilet and began undressing her.
"Just want to make you feel a little better. A bath will help," David said, quietly, as he folded her clothes and put them on the counter. "Now, get in. It's all yours." He smiled softly.
"Can...can you take a bath with me?" Cara looked down at her hands. He was being so sweet, all of a sudden, she didn't want him to leave.
David smiled wider. "Sure, no problem." He quickly stripped, then stepped into the tub and sat down, his back leaning against one end, and extended his arms for her to join him. She followed, then sat back against him and sighed, deeply, closing her eyes and resting her head on his chest.
"Thank you," she whispered. "This is nice."
She felt David's arms around her body, hugging her close to him, and his lips on her head and cheek. Grabbing a washcloth, he poured a little bit of body wash on it, and proceeded to gently wash her. Starting with her arms, he moved to her breasts, spending extra time running the washcloth over her nipples, causing Cara to sharply inhale at the sensation. Agonizingly slowly, he moved down to her stomach, then pushed Cara to sit up as he softly washed her back. Cara felt tears streaming down her face, the care he was taking with her body overwhelming her. As she drew a ragged breath, David's head snapped down to look at her.
"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" he asked with concern.
Cara shook her head. "I just don't remember the last time someone did something so nice for me," she said with a sob.
David reached around to put a hand on her chin and turned her face toward him, showering her with light kisses, his mouth wiping off her tears. Again, Cara sighed and leaned back to put her head on his chest. Moving her with him, David sat up and raised one of Cara's legs, washing down and back up, then switching to her other leg. Cara gasped as he shifted his attention to her mound, running his fingers through her bush, and gently dragging the cloth up her lips and over her clit. He chuckled lightly as she squirmed under his touch.
"All clean!" he exclaimed, when he completed his thorough trip over every inch of her body. A small smile flickered over Cara's face at his enthusiasm. "Want to get out?"
Cara nodded. David once again leaned her forward and climbed out, quickly drying himself with a small towel. Pulling her bath sheet off the towel bar, he held it open, and Cara carefully rose to her shaky feet and stepped out of the tub into his arms. Hugging her in the towel, he took the same care in drying her as he did in washing her, making sure to cover all of her body, lingering on the most sensitive areas, eliciting more soft gasps from Cara.
