I have no idea what woke me up but something did. I sat up, listening to see if there were any unwarranted sounds. Generally the night was quiet. I gave a sort of mental shrug and was about to settle back down when I decided a glass of water wouldn't hurt. It was a warm night, after all.
I didn't bother turning on the lights. I knew the way around my own house and there was enough ambient lighting to give me an idea of where the furniture was. (I dislike kicking furniture when I have bare feet. It hurts me and doesn't worry the furniture.)
I strolled out to the kitchen, grabbed a glass, and had my drink. I was about to go back to bed when I hear something outside. I looked out the window and there was enough moonlight to show that some kid was working on the door of my car.
I moved back to my bedroom pretty smartly, jammed some slippers on my feet, and grabbed my car keys and phone. I slipped quietly out the front door and around to the drive.
The kid must have been fairly good with his lock-picking because he was in the act of opening the car door when I came quietly around the corner of the house. I stood there, watching.
I couldn't help but think that the kid was both smart and dumb. OK, he was smart enough to manage to pick the lock on the car-door but didn't the dumb kid know that modern cars won't go anywhere without the key? My car had a keyless start but the key still had to be inside the car before it would actually start.
As soon as the kid was nicely settled in the driver's seat I pressed the lock doors button on the remote. Twice. First time is a standard locking of the doors. The second time disconnected the internal lock switches from passenger control. The only way to open the door now was by either using the remote to unlock or by using an actual key.
I could see the kid moving about inside the car. It seemed to me that he was probably looking for the ignition to turn it on, not knowing that it was a keyless start. I doubt that he even noticed the start button on the dashboard.
I watched with some amusement while he fumbled around. Finally he seemed to give up and tried to leave the car. The shock he must have got when he found he couldn't open the doors would have been worth seeing. It was instant panic. He bounced over to the passenger's side and tried that door and then climbed into the back to try those doors. Scrabbling at the back of the rear seat didn't help as the release switch for the seat backs was in the boot. He was trapped.
I walked up to the car. When I reached it he was back in the driver's seat, probably looking for a door release switch. I had my phone switched to camera mode and I rapped on the driver's window as soon as I reached the car. His head swivelled to look at me and my phone flashed, capturing his image, in my car.
The car remote actually had a physical key component that I could use to unlock a door. It didn't free the other locks, just let that one door open. I used it to unlock the driver's door and opened it, smiling at the kid.
"Um, listen, kid. I suspect that you might have got in the wrong car. This one is mine. That's why it's parked in my driveway."
"Ah, I can explain," he said, sounding rather desperate.
He was either younger than I thought or stress was making his voice squeaky. Perhaps his voice just hadn't broken yet.
"Really? I can't wait to hear your explanation. I'll bet the police are going to love it, too."
"Police? You can't call the police!"
"Um, look, phone," I said, holding it up. "Dead easy to call them. Excellent reception here. I just press a few buttons and they'll be here. Out of the car, kid."
My tone for that last sentence changed from amused to commanding.
I stepped back and a couple of long shapely legs swung out of the car, feet landing on the ground. I promptly changed a few of my previous thoughts. She, not he. Not a squeaky boy's voice but quite a lovely contralto. From the look of those legs I'd have to kick the age estimate up a few years, too.
She stood up and I added a couple of more years. Very nicely developed, wearing tights or yoga pants, damned if I can tell the difference, and a top that certainly emphasised the differences in the sexes.
"I am not a kid," she snapped at me.
"Better pretend that you are," I advised her. "The cops go easier on kids and you might get locked up in Juvenile Detention instead of the police holding cells. They might even just call your parents and send you home with a thick ear."
"They'll know I'm eighteen as soon as they see my license," she snapped. "Please don't call the police. I'm sorry."
"Now that you've been caught you're sorry," I pointed out. "Would you have been sorry if I'd come out to see a space where my car should have been?"
"I was going to return it. I just needed to go down the street and it's dangerous to walk at night."
"You mean you'd have returned it, maybe, if you didn't have an accident and remembered which house you pinched it from. Tell you what. You give me your parent's phone number and I'll call them instead of the cops."
"They don't have a phone."
I just plain sniggered at that one and she glared at me.
"I don't live at home anymore," she said. "What I do is none of their business."
"So what do you suggest?" I asked her. "I just let you go and forget about it?"
"Yes," she said, nodding earnestly.
"Fat chance," I scoffed. "You broke into my car, damaged it, and tried to steal it, and I'm just supposed to say Que Sera, Sera, and let you walk away?"
"I did not damage it," she protested. "All I did was unlock it."
"Without a key which means you probably scratched up the duco around the lock and I may have to have the door repainted. You may have busted the lock which means I have to get a new lock fitted. You certainly got dirty footprints all over the seats, what with your climbing back and forth on them. That means getting the car detailed. I can't see much change from a thousand dollars after I've had all that done."
She started spluttering indignantly.
"Oh. Oh. You liar," she gasped. "I haven't scratched it or broken the lock. At the very worst there might be some scuff marks on the seats and they'll brush out. A thousand dollars my ass."