Butterflies on Fire

Butterflies on Fire

Chapter One - Denial

"Stop, stop there and don't come closer". It sounds like words from some Robert Chandler pulp fiction story. The words that some flea bitten, drunken detective would utter from the depths of a booze soaked voice to the antagonist in a murder mystery. But this wasn't a murder mystery and the beautiful woman in front of me wasn't a corpse, she was a fine looking specimen of womanhood, with curves and luscious lips and an inviting smile on her face. Stop, I had to stammer out again as she continued to walk to me, unsure of why I had told her to stop. Please stop, I pleaded as she finally stopped in front of me, her eyes showing puzzlement at my words. I knew the questions in her mind. I had been rehearsing my answers for them in the past weeks. I had been going over them line by line, nuance by nuance in the last legs of the inter-continental flight that had brought me to within arms reach of her. Within arms reach but not in her arms yet.

I had practiced the words in front of the mirror endlessly but that didn't help. My voice, so sure and confident when ordering around a team of highballing mechanics as they sweated in the bowels of the earth, cracked as I tried to continue my thoughts. "Please, don't come closer. I can't, no, I don't want, not that's right, I do want ... ah to hell with it all "was all that came out of my mouth as I just stood there, drinking in the vision of my lover.

I know you're curious as to how it is that I can call her my lover and yet not be ready to sweep her in my arms as soon as I saw her in the airport lounge, but that's a long story and this isn't the time for it. All I knew is that while I stood there quivering, like a terrier would do if faced with a nice juicy T-bone steak, I was still torn between the fight and flight syndrome that is born within us. No Cro-Magnon man finding himself unexpectedly face to face with a saber tooth tiger ever quivered as violently as I did when I stood within arms reach of Wendy. Wendy... I had been dreaming of her for weeks before this meeting. I had thirsted after her like a Sudanese goat herder thirsted after a bottle of fresh water in the dry sunlight drenched deserts of Saudi Arabia. I lusted after her, desired her, and wanted her. God, I had turned myself into a six foot pile of hormones drenched with pheromones in the space of the past weeks and this was all done without ever having seen the woman for over 30 years. I had the memories of a past encounter and the sound of her voice in recent weeks to tempt my imagination into overdrive and I had to admit, as I looked at her, I had done a damn fine job it all.

She stood there, waiting for me to explain, a look of curiosity on her face as I stood there, still trying to figure out how to actually say the words that seemed to be stuck in my throat. We were standing in the middle of the Chicago airport, airline hub to the world, hundred of people bustling past in their own little worlds, obvious to these two people in the middle of the hall, standing like cowboys facing each other on a dusty street in the wild west.

The thought of "damm, I knew this would happen" crossed my mind as I discarded my carefully crafted argument and stepped up closer to Wendy. Gone were the glasses, the buck teeth and her hair. I knew from her letters that it was now short but it still came as a shock. The 16 year old girl that I had fallen in love with had such beautiful hair but without her glass's, now it was her eyes that stood out more clearly. Still, this was the woman of my dreams, a little older, a little wiser but just as describable as before.

I must have know that I was doomed even before I tried to utter the words "stop" but like a novice roller skater who can only throw his arms out to brake their headlong rush into the walls, I at least had to try something. So, it turned out that croaking "stop, please" was the best I could do to stop myself from falling off a cliff. The world "pathetic" crossed my mind for an instant before I even realized that my body was following my heart and not my brain as I stepped even closer.

I wasn't even thinking anymore when I pulled her close to me, no time to think about whether a hug was appropriate or if people were looking or anything at all, as my heart, my damn heart guided our lips to each other.

Perhaps to the people passing us by, it looked so innocent. Perhaps some husband and wife who were meeting each other after a business absence. Perhaps a couple who had been separated by circumstances for the fist time in their marriage. We could have been these people and perhaps our age would seem to support that image but the truth was stranger than any fictional account and no one would have guessed the reality in a million years of trying. Hell, we had been anticipating this encounter with excitement, with anxiety for weeks and even we didn't believe in the reality of it all. As we stood there for the briefest time, we would have been the only ones to guess the truth; we were star crossed lovers once again. We were Romeo and Juliet and the thirty years between us disappeared in that very same instant that our lips touched.

I was sinking into a pit of emotion, our lips fused together for the briefest moment before her playful tongue reached out to tease me. I was shocked. But in that same instant, the memories of our first passionate kiss's that we had shared, forgotten but not lost to our hearts came back and with no hesitation at all, we stood there in an embrace that shocked even us with its intensity.

It might have only been minutes but it felt like an eternity when we had to stop and catch our breaths. "Holly cow, now we've gone and done it" were the words that fell out of my open mouth while Wendy just stood there with a mischievous grin on her face. "Hell, you had this planned", I accused her in mock indignation. "Yes and if you shut up, you can have another one" she replied as she reached up to once more put her lips on mine. That kiss only lasted minutes, I was sure of that this time! I knew it was only for a couple of minutes because I can't hold my breath longer than that!

All of my carefully laid plans were now dashed. How could I now talk about how we needed to be careful with our hearts? How could I now sit there and preach to her that we had to wait and slowly build up a relationship before we took any future steps. I couldn't talk about futures and possibilities when our kiss had already proven, without a shadow of doubt that we were in love. Helpless and hopeless, I thought as I just continued to stand there, hugging my Wendy, humming a soundless tune to myself as I just continued to bask in the fact that she was finally back into my arms.

While all of the endless crowds that moved passed us with the idea that we might be an older married couple, we were the only ones that knew that this was the start of a new relationship that had already survived 30 years apart but that was as fresh as a newly found love.

Breaking away, I reached for my day bag, which was lying on the floor and then reached to get her travel case which was standing behind her. With a flick of her hand, she made it apparent that she wasn't some helpless female that needed to be babied and that she had more miles on her travel bag than I had on mine. With an ease of a million miles, she spun the case and fell in beside me to face the corridor to the taxi stands. Then with a simple "thanks anyhow", she let me know that while she might be a confident and competent modern woman, she was also prepared to let me pamper her and treat her like a princess under different circumstances.

"So, are you happy you came", she asked in that brief instant before we stated on our way. She continued to study my face and said, "You know, you could always make another decision and go home." She said the words softly with just a hint of a quiver on her bottom lip as she looked at me with an expectant look in her eyes. That little quiver in her voice as the only thing that gave away a simple fact that I must have know but never really paid attention to during the last few weeks. Now, I admit that I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but I'm not a spoon either, so it only took a micro second for the implications to sink in. While I had been worrying for the past weeks over my reaction to seeing her, it was now obvious that she had done the same. That tiny, almost unnoticeable quiver had been the only giveaway that she was also terrified about what I might do to her heart.

How many thoughts can cross through a mind in a spilt second? I don't know for sure but I knew that this was no time for words, Without saying anything at all, I just pulled her once more to me in a strong and possessive grasp and once more, put my lips to her in an heartfelt attempt to prove that I would never leave. This kiss would show more than words could say, that I was helplessly in love and that I could never surrender my life to anything but total wendyness! There, I had a new word that would be my new mantra for happiness. Wendyness!

When once more we broke our embrace, we stood there, arms around each other, slightly leaning back so we could continue to look at each other, Gone were the two well dressed, confident as nails, professionals. In the blink of an eye, we were gone, replaced by teenagers, standing beside a tree in the forest behind her house, falling in love with each other with the ardor and passion that comes with ones first true love. Blink, it was us again, perhaps a bit older, but still the same and at least in my views, it felt like the same time and place here and now. "I don't want to leave; I can't leave" were the most intelligent things that stammered out of my lips in the next seconds. I wanted to say more but the shit ass grin on my face wouldn't let me. God, it had been only one kiss and yet it looked to me that she now looked calm and assured, sort of like a lioness would appear to look like as she was confident that the kill was near. God, she was beautiful was all that I could think as I gazed on her.

She was wearing, well, in truth; I don't really know what it was. It could have been a sweater or a blouse or whatever but whatever it was, she sure filled it out nicely. Tall, confident and it seemed to me that she purred just a bit as she noticed my look.  Hey, sailor, like what your looking at" was the flippant remark that came out next and I almost started to laugh. I remembered she had a wicked sense of humor thirty years before and it was evident that she had not lost it over the years. Hell, I might have to start running now to keep up with her; was the only thing I could think of as I tried to pick up our bags once more time. "I'll show you tonight" was the best and most feeble reply I could come up with in the next second because my brain was still trying to get going after it had shut down from the first kiss.

Where to now?, I asked as we walked out behind the glass doors of the terminal and stood at the entrance to the terminal waiting for a cab to pull up. Well, I knew that you would be tired after the flight and so, we have a hotel room at the Ramada booked. You can go and freshen up before we make any decisions. The hotel has a couple of restaurants and if you don't like them, we have a whole city to choose from.

I had noticed that she had said "we have a room" but I was too tired to argue the point, too intrigued to fight against it and in fact, relived that she had brought up the subject first. She didn't say anything more but started on pointing out some tourist attractions though the cab window for the next few minutes as we drove off in search of the hotel strip adjacent to the airport.

It only took a few minutes to check in and again, I noticed that the clerk didn't blink an eye as I slid him my Amex card and Wendy signed the register as Mr. and Mrs. Fischer. It was a typical Ramada suite, not just a room that she had booked for us. Spacious with a view of the Chicago skyline to one side and a Jacuzzi built into the other side, off set to the sitting area.

I dropped my bag on the floor and bounced on the one bed. There were two queen sized beds in the room and as I continued to check out the bed suspension, Wendy casually mentioned that she had asked for a king size but they didn't have any. With a hint of a smile again on her face, Wendy finished by saying that she had thought that since I was so big, I might like to have the extra space

All of this was too much for me; I jumped up and stood up straight in front of her, looking down at her eyes once more. Her arms had to rise up and pull my head down to meet hers again and for the next eternity, we simply stood there, slowly kissing each other with a slow burning passion. It was almost like we were taking our time, not fighting a rising passion but rather, more like we were a train starting out slow and that we had to build up a full head of steam. We kissed, not a awkward kiss with tongues and teeth that didn't know what to do and where to go, but rather with a familiarity that came from never having forgotten what our kiss's had been like.

As we stopped for a breather again, the only thing that I could come out with was a remark that I thought it was only bicycle riding that you didn't forget and that was cut short as she just said, come on here you dummy, I'll show you what you forgot.  I know for sure that when our kiss stopped this time that it had only been 23 minutes. I knew that because I had seen the clock on the wall as I had been jumping on the bed to check out the springs. Listen, have you got any ideas for dinner. I said. Yes, she said, I already made arrangements and you have to get in and get showered ASAP so we can get eating. Okay, I'm going, point me in the right direction.

I opened up my suit case and removed my travel kit. I knew that I hadn't settled this issue of who was sleeping in what bed but we had time to argue that point after we came back to the hotel. After all, it was my intention to not go to bed with her tonight. I know it sounds surprising but I had thought about this for weeks already. It wasn't the conflict between my brains and my desires that were at the root of that decision. Yes, they had some impact but the driving force was the need to protect Wendy's heart from any possibility of heart ache. And so, I wanted us to have time to talk and made an informed, sensible decision. After all, fools rush in and we shouldn't be fools the second time around. So while we had to meet, to gaze into each others eyes, so to speak, it wasn't time to pressure her into bed. That had been part of the original problem after all. Not this time around, slower was better.

I walked into the bathroom and was pleased to note that it had a very large glassed in shower area to the one side. Bathrobes were hung behind the door and the towels were large and fluffy. Right on, I thought to myself as I unbuttoned my shirt and unbuckled my belt. I let my clothes lie where it fell, deciding that I could pick it up after the shower. After all, it was a holiday!

I stepped up into the shower and turned the water on. I gasped in surprise, not because the temperature was cold but because I had not noticed the double shower head on the opposite wall until it sprayed onto my back as the other got me wet from the front. I stood there in the hot water and steam, trying to centre myself as I poured more body gel onto the face cloth and started to wash my face.

I guess I was lucky her hands weren't cold. If they would have been, I might have tumbled ass over tea kettle and hurt my self but as it was, I almost had a heart attach the moment I felt her arms come around me.  Remember I previously asked how many questions can race through a mind in a spilt second? Well, about as many times as you want because it took less than a second, less that a millisecond for me to spin around to face Wendy. She had obviously planned every second of this as she stood there facing me in her birthday suit and some bubbles!

This wasn't suppose to happen, I thought and then all conscious thought left my mind as my heart, my soul and a lot of lust took over. Standing in the centre, each of us enjoyed the sensual pleasure of hot water cascading down our backs and an even hotter sensation as our skin touched for the first time in ages. You're not supposed to be here, it's not fair and a hundred other thoughts like that started to enter into my head and then with the simple act of sinking on her knees and taking me into her mouth, everything just disappeared in a instant of bliss. I only knew that I had to stop her now or else. Reaching down, I pulled her away and up, so we could embrace one another.

"Hell, don't go there girl, it'll spoil your appetite" and with those words, it was my turn. I ran my soapy hands across her breasts, her nipples responding in an instant, getting hard under the silky feeling of my hands. I turned her around, so she could lean against the shower with her hands against the wall and her derriere against me. I took my hands and ran them down her back and her spine bowed and a tingle went down to her toes.

I continued to rub her back, at first like a back rub, strong powerful hands trying to make her putty in my hands and it worked. As she just leaned and sighed, I continued with my hands moving over her soapy body, turning them into carcass's slowly but surely. One moment, my hand would slide down the middle of her back; the next moment, I would slowly slide my hand over the delicious curves of her derriere for just the briefest moment before I slid my hands back around her to cup her breasts once more. As she arched her back and pushed back to me, I could feel myself almost entering her.  God, not yet, it's too early, I remember thinking and with that, I moved my hands once more down her back, around the swell of her buttocks and into the heat of her thighs, She slowly parted her legs and the wetness and heat only served to excite me more. My fingers slowly stroked her clit and I could feel one, no two, quick shudders before she pulled away and said, hold on big fella, hold on and once again my lover sunk to her knees in front of me.

Do you know what a 52 year old man can have in common with his past teenage years? Premature ejaculation! I should have counted sheep or something! I could have pulled away but all it took was three, count them three, of the best seconds of my life and I had come. And to her credit, she just swallowed and continued to suckle my dwindling member until she had finished with me. I was happy and I was embarrassed but before I could say anything, she simply smiled at me and whispered "I was hoping to do that for you, my lover" and that shut me up right there and then.

Well, let me put it this way, I knew tonight that it wasn't a question of which bed we were going to share, it was more a case of which one wouldn't have broken springs in the morning.  Shutting off the water and getting towels was a matter of seconds and at least, I make sure that she got the biggest fluffiest towel for herself. Wrapping the towel around her, we exited the steamy environment of the shower and went into our suite.

In the interval, the sun had almost disappeared form the sky and the lights of the city blinked off and on like Christmas lights. As we stood there, our bath robed figures reflecting back into the window, I tried to say that this was the reason I had tried to say "stop" at the airport. I knew that we would end up making love if we touched and I was ....The last words I heard from my love was "Shut up, you dummy and kiss me, I love you and want you and you know you feel the same" and with those words, we started to kiss once more. Same as when we were 16 and the same as now again.