I'm a strong Black woman, at least that's what I tell myself. I've got strong evidence to back it up, too. I'm the only non-White senior manager in the acquisitions division of North Well Networks in the City of Ottawa, Ontario. I hold an MBA from Carleton University and a Law degree from the University of Toronto. I'm six feet tall, brainy and beautiful and damn proud of myself as an educated, dark-skinned sister. So why am I on my hands and knees, face down and ass up, with a dick in my butt hole? Oh yeah because I'm a submissive at heart. My name is Kia Hollander and this is my coming-out story as a submissive slut in the world of BDSM.
For ages I struggled with my sexuality and at long last, I decided to fight it. As a six-foot-tall, dark-skinned and curvy Black woman in a world designed for skinny White women, I had to be strong. No other choice. It's not easy to be me. My parents, Louis and Kendra Hollander moved to the City of Hamilton, Ontario, from Jamaica in the summer of 1990. I was born in 1984 in Bethel Town, Jamaica. I barely remember the Caribbean but it's always been dear to my heart. I learned early on that I wasn't going to catch any breaks as a minority woman in lily-White Canada, and this forever defined my interactions with people.
As one of a few Black students at Magnus Academy in the City of Hamilton, Ontario, I knew I had to shine. I joined the female varsity rugby team, and excelled at that sport, eventually winning a partial scholarship to Carleton University in Ottawa. There, I spent the next six years earning my MBA. Next, I went to Law school at the University of Toronto and earned my Law degree there. Fresh from Law school at the age of twenty seven I was hired by the North Well Networks corporation. One of the top companies in Canada was offering me a six-figure salary and a condo in downtown Ottawa. How could I say no?
I was finally where I wanted to be, successful, and financially secure. So why wasn't I happy? I was still lonely, in spite of my three-bedroom condominium and all the money in my three bank accounts. You name the bank and I've got an account with them. TD Canada. Scotia Bank. Bank of Montreal. Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce. I shop at high-end stores in places like Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver and Calgary. Once a year, I vacation in places like Aspen, Vienna, Johannesburg, Paris and Berlin. Yes, I do pretty well for myself. Unfortunately, all the riches in the world are nothing when you've got no one to share them with. Does that surprise you? Not that I have any inkling about what having all the wealth in the world feels like. I'm nowhere near that level. You'd have to ask someone like Bill Gates.
Feeling bored at work and at home, and more than a wee bit sexually frustrated, I joined the website Fetlife, and began exploring the sexy and forbidden world of BDSM. The things I saw on that website fascinated me. I always thought that people into BDSM were freaks, what surprised me was that they were oh so normal. Ordinary men and women with normal lives. Doctors, lawyers, security guards, college students, waiters, artists, musicians, techies, construction workers, and other regular folk. All races, all religions and all walks of life. Man, to be honest I was simply blown away. The more I watched stuff on Fetlife, the more fascinated I became. Soon it became my obsession. I'm more into Fetlife than Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, sites I used to find addictive before. How about that?
I joined several groups on Fetlife, such as the Afro-Centric group and one for Dominant Black Women Into Black Men. I considered myself a strong Black woman, but it didn't take me long to realize that my sexual desires were at odds with my public persona. As a senior manager in the Acquisitions branch of North Well Networks Incorporated, I have a lot of people working under me. White guys and White chicks raised in the suburbs of Canada's richest cities and educated at the fanciest colleges and universities, and they have to do as I tell them...because I'm the boss. I'm a strong Black woman, and I have some actual power. So why do I get sexually aroused when I see black women getting tied up and sexually dominated on the profile pictures of friends of mine on Fetlife?
I became addicted to these sort of videos, and began browsing the online sex world for them. I wasn't into porn before, but since I really got into BDSM, I began watching it more and more. One type of video appealed to me more than any other. The ones featuring sexy black women getting not only fucked up but totally dominated. I'm talking about bondage, choking, spanking, whipping, the whole nine yards. Still, one thing didn't sit right with me as I watched those videos. Most of the time, when you see a black female submissive, she's with a dominant white man. I don't like seeing that shit. The only man I could ever submit to is a black man. Now, I've dated men across the racial spectrum. While a freshman at Carleton University, I dated a handsome young Lebanese Christian guy named Joseph Abdullah. I also dated a Japanese-Canadian civil engineering graduate student named Michael Yamamoto when I enrolled at the University of Toronto. Yet, down deep in my heart, I've always felt that the black man is the only one for me. Yet most of the black men I saw on Fetlife groups seemed to be into white women. Bummer, eh?
