It's always hard to describe yourself. You tend to see yourself through flattering eyes that quite possibly hide your flaws. This is not a problem for me. I've been told rather pointedly what I look like. Often enough for me to believe most of it's probably reasonably close to fact, so I'll just pass on what others say.
I'm big. Not fat, mind you, just big. Well over six foot and with a solid bone structure and I've always kept myself fit. That's the first impression people have of me.
The second thing that they note is I'm hairy. If I was any more hairy, they'd skin me and use my hide as a rug. I'm clean shaven, but that doesn't really help as people can see the line of fur around my throat where I stopped shaving.
The third thing people notice is that I'm ugly. I'm not talking un-handsome, or rather plain. I'm talking downright, run away screaming, ugly. If a mugger bumped into me in the middle of the night, he'd give me his loot, instead of demanding any from me.
What people tend not to notice until they know me better is that I'm highly intelligent. I'm not of the genius level, but I'm not far from it. I'm smart enough to own and run a successful business, despite my looks.
I also have what I'm told is a peculiar sense of humour. I don't think that one's fair. It's not really my fault if I have a fine sense of the ridiculous.
One last thing. Children, cats and dogs all like me. They seem to think I'm a teddy bear and just made for them to play with. I actually make an amazing Santa Claus.
Anyway, in a nutshell, that's me.
The incident that happened came about because I trusted the weather forecasters. I know that everyone heaps scorn on them for being wrong, but have you ever noticed how often they're pretty near the mark? They may be out in their estimate of low and high temperature for the day, but if they say no rain, or only a slight chance of rain, they're pretty well spot on.
This day they'd said no rain today, but they expected some the next day, so I went hiking. I was well up in the mountains, hoofing along and scaring other hikers who thought the sasquatch was passing, when I realised that the weathermen had been caught short. I could see the storm clouds that were supposed to arrive the next day had found a short cut and were sneaking in between a couple of mountains and heading directly towards me, fast.
Not wanting to get soaked I quickly assessed my chances. Back was a no-go area, but I seemed to remember a nice hikers hut further up the mountain. I picked up the pace and managed to reach the hut moments before the storm reached me.
So there I was, nice and dry, while the heavens let loose all around me. The hut was equipped with some oil lamps and a gas stove and someone had supplied firewood. I lit the lamps, built myself a nice little fire and put some water on to boil. I always carry powdered coffee and some instant soup, so as soon as the water boiled I could have a meal.
And there were some magazines in the cabin, so something to read.
Furniture wise, there wasn't that much, just the table, a couple of chairs and a bed, which was really nothing more a stuffed mattress.
Compared to what was happening outside, I had all the comforts of home.
So the situation was that I'd had some soup and was drinking my coffee and doing a cryptic crossword in one of the magazines, totally at peace with the world.
Then the door crashed open, what looked like a large drowned rat hurtled into the cabin, turned and slammed the door and then leant back against it with a sigh of relief.
By this time I could see that the drowned rat was actually a petite young woman, a hiker who hadn't got out of the rain in time, and was damned lucky not to be stuck out in the rain still.
She finally looked around the cabin and then she spotted me sitting there. It was funny really, from where I was comfortably sitting, but probably not so funny from her point of view.
She took one look at me, went even paler than she had been and jerked the door open, apparently intending to bolt back out of the cabin. With the door open, instead of her leaving, a very bitter wind and some really cold rain came crashing in, causing the young woman to slam the door in a hurry, still inside.
Now she just looked around in an obvious state of consternation, which was really quite insulting. I just can't find it in myself to believe that I look that mean and ugly, but that lass had no troubles doing so.
"Coffee or soup?" I asked politely. The water was already hot and I had some to spare, so why not be a gentleman.
She flinched and backed away, sort of sidling around the walls until she was crouched near the fire, trying to get warm while still keeping one eye on me. OK, two eyes on me. It was obvious that I was the danger in the room.
"The water's hot, and you really look as though you need it," I told her, trying to project some sympathy.
This time she nodded, and whispered "coffee, please," but as she didn't move from the fire I assumed that I'd have to get off my blot and make it. So I did.
I didn't try to hand it to her. I just reached over and placed it within her reach, as though I was offering something to a lost kitten, and she was reacting the way the kitten would, ready to arch her back, hiss and scratch.
Insulting behaviour or not, I must admit I was starting to find it amusing. From her point of view, she'd just escaped from a storm only to wind up locked on a tiny cabin with a potential ogre.
Unfortunately for her, I couldn't let her sit there cowering in front of the fire for much longer. She was cold and wet and those saturated clothes weren't helping. She was going to have to take them off, wring them out and hang them up to dry. There were several hooks in the wall around the fire that would serve.
"I'm Alexander," I told her. "And you are?"
"Melody," came the quiet reply, barely heard she was shivering so much.
"Well, I have some good news and some bad news, Melody," I told her. "The good news is that you are now safe. The bad news is that you're going to have to take off those wet clothes or you'll catch pneumonia. You can use the blanket on the bed to wrap yourself in."
A look of sheer horror crossed her face. There was no way she was taking off her clothes in the same room as me. Unfortunately, there were no other rooms, and gentleman or not, I wasn't stepping out into that storm to give her a little privacy.
Melody politely indicated that she was fine. The fire was warming her up, thank you very much.
It would have been a nice little speech if she hadn't been shivering so much when she gave it.
"Melody," I said, speaking quietly, "for your own good I'm going to have to insist. Now stop being silly, strip off and wrap yourself in the blanket."
Now why didn't it surprise me when she shook her head, a look of determination on her face. I was going to have to damn well strip her myself, making me the bad boy in the act. Sighing I got to my feet.
Fortunately, Melody had finished her coffee, otherwise she'd have thrown it at me. She fought like a wildcat, but the issue was never in doubt. I just handled her as effortlessly as I would a small child that didn't want to get ready for bed. In two minutes flat Melody was stripped naked and I was hanging her clothes on the hooks.
