Beer and Cigarettes

"I just don't think it'll ever work out." I complained to my friend Sarah. "He's really nice, and he's just too handsome to want someone like me." I had had a crush on our friend Matt ever since I met him freshman year.

The very first time we met I doubt he even remembers, I walked into his dorm with one of my friends and he was plastered! He very kindly introduced himself to me, and I just couldn't help but notice how ridiculously handsome he was. After a short conversation and spending time with our friends he told me that I could come over and hang out whenever I wanted. I tried my best to contain my happiness, but it was shortly stifled when I saw Hilary.

She was the girl that he was hooking up with at the time and she was beautiful! She was pretty much the exact opposite of me physically: I was taller, but she was thinner. She had large green eyes, and mine are a pretty blue but not very large. She had smaller boobs but absolutely no fat on her body, whereas I was a lot curvier.

And as I talked to her I realized that she was also incredibly nice, so I just decided to drop what little hope I ever had of getting to know him intimately. As I left his room to return to mine I noticed that he had suddenly gotten really sick from the alcohol, and laughed to myself, thinking, "He won't remember me tomorrow. And even if he did he already has someone beautiful, why would he even bother with me?"

As the school year progressed our social circles moved closer together, allowing me to at least be near him even if he didn't remember me. We had both developed a bad cigarette habit so we usually would sit together outside if we were both there with our friends. Hilary ended up transferring to another school, but the fact that she was so beautiful made it hard for me to try and pursue anything with him. I was really low on myself by the time that spring semester started, I had been hooking up with another guy and he kind of dropped me without warning and it made me start to believe that no one could ever want me again if he didn't want me anymore.

I sat in my new class, friends all along the aisle to my left and me sitting one seat from the end. I was not too excited about this class, I knew it would be relatively easy just because these courses came more naturally to me, but all of my friends were in a different discussion time than me and I was not looking forward to be alone for that part. I doodled on my notebook as I waited for class to commence, jumping slightly when I heard a voice to my right, "Hey. Taylor, right?"

I recognized this voice in an instant, it was Matt. I turned up to him and smiled as I answered, "Yeah, hey Matt. I didn't know you were in this class." I had a feeling I was going to really enjoy this class.

"Yeah, I needed to fill in some credits." He then motioned to the empty seat next to me. "Would it be alright if I sat here with you?"

I could feel my smile light up as he sat down next to me. I was hoping to talk to him a bit, but at that moment the professor began to quiet everyone down and go over the syllabus. I pulled mine out, and looked to my right and noticed that Matt didn't have one either. I offered to share mine so that he could keep along too.

He smiled in thanks and followed along with me. We were mostly silent as our professor went through her grading policies and expectations, then came the part of the syllabus with our discussion times and locations. He grabbed a pen from his pocket and wrote on the syllabus, "Which one are you in?"

I smiled and grabbed my pen, looking for my scheduled time and put a star next to it. I then continued to the area where he was writing and wrote under it. "You?"

He smirked at me and indicated with the tip of his pen that he was in my section. I smiled at him in response and we spent the rest of the class listening to our professor, or at least he was. For the rest of the class I was celebrating in my own mind, so excited to have an excuse to see him multiple times a week.

As we exited to classroom we talked casually about the class, our friends, and just anything that popped to mind. This is how we continued on for the rest of the semester. We'd sit near each other in lecture, always together in section, and as we'd walk back to our dorms we would smoke a cigarette and talk. When one of us didn't have a cigarette the other always had an extra, and one of my favorite class days ended with him comparing me to a queen after I gave him one. The days where I had that class became my favorite days of the week, and at some point our social circles began to hang out with each other regularly.

As freshman year ended we were very flirty with each other, not in an uncomfortable way but a friendly way, and we departed for home excited to come back to school.

I had just gotten back to school for the new year when I was talking to Sarah, one of my closest friends at the university. She smiled reassuringly and said, "I don't know what you're talking about, dude. Other than Maya (who had a boyfriend and was both mine and Matt's good friend), he doesn't even talk to any other girls. I don't see why you'd think he's not interested in you."

I just kept shaking my head. "It doesn't make sense to me that he would. You've seen him, Sarah. We both know that he could get any girl he wanted, so why on earth would he choose me?" I was starting to get really low, but I was trying hard not to cry so as to not ruin my make-up.

She put a hand on my shoulder and said, "I think you're just being too hard on yourself. You're beautiful Taylor, any idiot can see that. And if Matt got into this school I'm guessing he's not an idiot." I giggled, an idiot he definitely was not.

I wanted to rebuttal, but I knew that if I continued this conversation it would just bring me to tears. So I quickly changed the subject. "Did you hear that the guys all got a house together?" We lived on campus still, but most of our guy friends got a house together off campus so that we could all have a place to party. That's why I had done my make-up and put on a short dress, everyone was back and this was going to be the party to break in the new house.

Sarah wasn't really that close with a lot of the guys, and the only one that I ever talked to consistently was Matt, but we all enjoyed each other's company so we would all hang out with each other. "Yeah, I heard. I can't wait til tonight, it'll be good to see everyone.

I sighed, "Yeah." Counting down in my head until it was time to go: 1 hour. I wanted to leave already but Rachel, Maya and Zooey were still getting ready; delaying our departure and giving me even less time to see him. I fiddled around on Maya's lap top as the girls finished putting on their make-up, and logged off my facebook as Rachel announced that it was time for us to head down.

While we were taking the bus to their house I fidgeted with anticipation, worried that the friendly spark between me and him had gone. Once we finally reached the house and knocked on the door my nerves felt incredibly unstable. I walked in with my friends, looking around the house to see who all was there. I saw Kyle, Tyson, Jeff, Mark, Lorne, Damon, and Zack; my heart fell slightly as I thought, "I guess I won't see him tonight."

I made my way over to the cooler of beers and began to heartily chug on a few, hoping to drown out my disappointment and try to enjoy my time there anyways with my friends. After about 20 minutes I started to feel a little buzzed, getting more comfortable with the people around me and even cracking jokes. The girls and guys were all just sitting around, drinking beer and listening to music when I heard the front door open and close.

Before I could turn around to look I heard Matt yell, "Who's ready for some beer pong?" There was a resounding cheer throughout the room as Matt brought in 2 giant cases of beer and a large bag of red cups. Everyone got up to help set up and decide who got to play first. As most of the boys moved the tables together, Matt went to the kitchen to take shots and catch up to the rest of us.

It was decided that since Matt brought the equipment he was automatically in the first round, and then everyone else started to write a roster for everyone to play. Matt handed me 3 beers and tilted his head toward the table, smiling at me for the first time since I saw him in the spring, and I couldn't believe it but he was even more handsome than I remembered. "Wanna be my partner?" He said with whiskey on his breath.

I took the beers from him, nodding my head as I smiled. I used two of the beers for the cups on our side of the table and kept one to drink on the side. Being slightly above tipsy, I boldly grabbed his arm and I warned him, "I'm pretty drunk though, so if I'm not a good partner I'm apologizing now." He laughed as I struggled with the word 'apologizing' and gave me a reassuring pat on the back.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll do fine. I tend to be much better at this game when I'm a little drunk." I giggled and looked up into his soft blue eyes, and then I pushed a beer at him.

He took it confusedly, and I told him, "Get to drinking. One of us has to carry the team." He laughed and we both took large swigs from our beers. As the game started he was making most of the shots, which I had expected seeing as how I didn't play this game very often. But after about 3 tosses I was starting to get the hang of it. I felt really drunk but for some reason I was making all of my shots, and he would make his too; allowing us to have repeat turns and decimate our competition. By the end of the first game he and I had each made four shots in a row and were going for the final cup. He was the one who broke stride, his ball bounced off of the rim and it was suddenly up to me to pull out a win. I took a deep breath and tossed the ball, praying that it would somehow go in.

It did, and since that was my fifth shot in a row the other team had no chance for rebuttal so we won. We raised our hands in victory, and gave each other a congratulatory hug. We shook our opponents' hands and helped set up for the next game. At this point in the night I had had about 8 beers within an hour and a half and it was really beginning to hit me. Not so much that I became nauseous, but enough to where my movements were a bit wobbly and I had no control over what I was saying. I held the full cans of beer and handed them to him as he set up the next game. After taking the last one I leaned back against the counter and moved my hair out of my face as he turned to face me. "Since we won we get to play again. But I think if I drink anymore I'll get sick."

I put my near empty 9th beer down, and said a little loudly, "Well good, cuz I'm drunk and I don't think I should drink anymore." I then hiccupped which made him laugh. I pretended to be hurt that he was laughing at me and he wrapped his arms around me.

"I only laughed because that was really cute. And I agree, I think we're done for a while." I smiled to myself and felt like my heart was floating. Not only was he holding me but he also said, "We." Implying that he intended to return to sobriety with me.

I looked up into his eyes and smiled as he hugged me, and I giggled. "Good call." We laughed and then he nodded his head in the direction of the backyard.

"Cigarette?" He asked me. I, a little too quickly, replied yes and followed him outside; greatly looking forward to spending some alone time with him.

We stepped out into the late September night, enjoying the moonlight but not expecting the bitter wind to make us cold. I had forgotten to bring a jacket that night, so as I pulled out my pack I started shivering. Even with my 'beer jacket' I was still frozen. Matt noticed this and quickly lit both of our cigarettes before asking, "Do you want my jacket?"

The first thought that came to mind was, "YES ABOSLUTELY YES." But I didn't want to come off as creepy so instead I smiled and said, "Thanks, but if I take your jacket then you'll be cold." He smiled at me and then looked around, suddenly fixating on a spot in the dark.

He began walking over there and said, "Follow me." I followed him without question, and for the first time I saw the couch against the wooden fence. He took my hand and brought me over to it, laying down in it and stabilizing it so that I could join him. I followed him in without hesitating, and he then proceeded to put his jacket over the both of us. Stating, "Now we can both we warm."

I giggled as I snuggled into his warm chest and his arm wrapped around me. At first we just laid there smoking our cigarettes in a comfortable silence, I finished mine first, putting it out on a nearby ashtray, and I snuggled even closer into his chest as he was finishing his. I rested my ear against him and I could hear his heartbeat. I sighed in contentment, and he asked, "What?"

I removed my head from his chest and looked into his lovely face, "I can hear your heart beat." He laughed and put his cigarette out. I expected him to want to get up now and go back to the party, but he surprised me.

He wrapped his arms around me and whispered, "Can I hear yours?" Without thinking of how we were going to maneuver this I nodded happily. At first we tried to sit up, but the wasn't wide enough for us to stay comfortably. I eventually pulled myself underneath him, basically switching the position we were in earlier.

I had completely forgotten until he began to lay his head against me that my dress had a low neckline. His face rested against my D breasts as he listened for my heartbeat, I was sure that he did this intentionally but I was too happy to care. He had a bit of stubble on his chin and as the rough texture scratched against the skin of my cleavage I jumped a little bit.

He looked up and asked, "Are you ok?" He looked worried, like he thought that he had genuinely hurt me.

I gave him a reassuring smile and said, "Your stubble is scratchy." He laughed and then purposefully scraped his chin against my skin again, enjoying my squirming and burying his face deeper into my cleavage. In the back of my mind I knew that this was inappropriate behavior for friends, but I honestly really liked it.

I gradually stopped struggling and his movements became more slow and deliberate. He skimmed his nose from my cleavage to my collarbone, dragging it ever so slightly against my skin. What he was doing felt really good, and in my drunken stupor I was beginning to realize that he was really turning me on.

I could suddenly feel how wet I was, and how horny he was making me. I began trying to convince myself that he was only doing this because he was drunk, and that he didn't really want me but just wanted to cuddle with me because he was intoxicated. But, I also realized that if that were the case and he was willing it may be the only chance I ever get with him.

After he reached my collarbone he began to kiss me softly along the skin of my neck. I brought my fingers up to his hair and played with his golden locks as he moved up towards my face. He kissed along my jawline, and on each of my cheeks before looking into my eyes and saying, "I've been thinking about this for a long time, and I know that we're drunk. But. I've actually liked you for a while now, and for the longest time I've really wanted to kiss you."

I stared at him in disbelief. "Me," I thought. "Me?!" I smiled and slowly brought my lips down to his and kissed him softly, pulling away slightly and blurting out, "Looks like I beat you to it." He laughed and placed a hand on my cheek, guiding his face back to mine for another kiss.

This kiss however, was not short and soft like the last one. He pressed his lips incredibly hard against mine and I returned the pressure. The two of us playing with one another's lips. I quickly discovered a weakness of his. After biting down on his bottom lip I heard him groan, clearly he was into being bitten. He kissed back even more forcefully, wiping his tongue against my bottom lip. Just as I opened my mouth and began frenching, I could hear the back door slide open.

The two of us calmly stopped kissing and sat up on the couch as best we could. The second game of pong had just ended, and a parade of drunk people came out back to smoke a cigarette. We decided to stay outside with them for a few minutes, holding hands on the couch as we talked with our friends. Sarah and Maya gave me a knowing smile, and Matt never let go of my hand.

But without his strong, warm body against mine I began to get cold again. He could feel me shiver and asked me if I wanted to go back inside. We graciously re-entered the house (and by graciously I mean we tripped over the lip and the doorway and were stumbling over each other), and looked around the living room. Only Kyle was still inside, and he was setting up the TV. He turned toward us slightly as we entered and noticed our hands clasped together. He smiled at us and sat down on the couch, only saying, "It's about time."

I giggled, but Matt blushed. Apparently Kyle knew something that I didn't. Before I could ask Matt why he was blushing, he grabbed my hand and pulled me through a hallway into one of the bedrooms. He closed the door behind us and turned on a light. He was still blushing profusely, and being drunk I didn't exactly have a filter on my thoughts, "What was that about?

He sighed and turned a little more read, before mumbling, "He kind of knows that I've liked you. He figured it out the first night that we met."

"Wait," I thought, "the first NIGHT?" My first thought was to the first night we met in his dorm room, but until then we had never spoken of it and therefore figured that he didn't remember. I looked up at Matt confused and I started, "But, Kyle wasn't in our class. How could he know?"

Matt laughed and pretended to be hurt, "You don't remember coming to my room last year? I saw you walk in and I thought you were one of the prettiest girls I had ever seen."

I remember my heart stopped for a moment. Could it be? Did he really remember that night and did he really think that of me. "No," I thought. "He had Hilary, there was no way he could have thought that about me." I tried to hide this realization, but he could read it clear on my face.

He moved closer to me and looked into my eyes, his eyes again filled with worry. "What's wrong? Did I say something to upset you?"

I felt a tear slide down my cheek, and I gave a small laugh. He wiped away the tear as I replied, "I remember everything about that night." He smiled at first, and then I continued, "But you were with Hilary at the time weren't you?"

He looked confused and he said, "Only kind of, she told me that day that she was transferring and didn't want to try to pursue a relationship. But that had nothing to do with my first opinion of you. I'm sure that even if she and I were actually dating I would have still thought the exact same thing."

I smiled and reached up to give him a tender kiss. He grasped my face lovingly and kissed me sweetly, kissing me with love instead of passion. But once I began to return his kisses the passion returned quickly. My hands moved into his wonderful golden hair and his hands ferociously gripped my waist and my butt, trying to bring me as close to him as possible.

After giving my butt a squeeze I bit into his lip again, eliciting a loud moan from him and causing him to move us closer toward his bed. Before we sat down I moved my hands to the hem of his shirt, pulling it up hastily so that I could melt into his warm flesh. He helped me remove his shirt and then proceeded to unbutton my dress, stopping about halfway down so that my lower half was still covered. We kicked our shoes off and stood in front of each other half naked.

I was often very insecure of my waist so I crossed my arms under my bra, hoping that the added lift of my cleavage would distract him. He moved closer to me and grabbed my arms at the wrist, pulling slightly and saying to me, "You have an incredibly sexy body, PLEASE let me see it."