Bad Idea

I'm so fucking mad at you.

I didn't get into this to be crying over a boy I can't have. And yet, here you are again, walking across the bar to come say hey to my friend as I scramble to excuse myself.

The air outside isn't much fresher, if I'm honest, but at least there's a little more of it. I'm watching the blur of my chucks as I pace back and forth across the parking lot. I didn't think this through... my keys are inside and I can't leave without closing out my tab and... then I hear you say my name.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

So much for there being more air out here.

But I'm a big girl, I can do this. I turn to face you just as you're reaching for me and end up panicking and stumbling on the gravel slope of the parking lot before you catch me.

Your body against mine is just exactly as perfect as I knew it would be and something inside me breaks. I'm yelling at you and pushing at your chest and crying and nothing makes sense but where you're touching me. "Oh, baby..." and you pull me tighter, until my sobs are little hiccups into your chest. "Why are YOU upset?"

Trying to explain how right you feel sets off another wave of tears and I'm pretty sure I'm not making any sense, but it all seems very important. And completely immaterial when you lean in to kiss me.

"No." On a puff of breath against your lips.

"No?" Pure male exasperation as I pull your face the rest of the way to mine, opening my mouth under yours on another soft "No. " It's the only word I have left and it's imprecise at best. Where are the words for this bone deep visceral wanting? Where are the words for this perfect fit? Where are the words for this horrible, no good, very bad idea? "No. " before my tongue pushes into your mouth. "No. " when your tongue chases mine back into my mouth. "No. " when your hands grip my hips and push your thigh between my legs. "No. No. No." when I rock myself to that first, bittersweet orgasm, supported by you.

Post nut clarity is a bitch and I try to hide my face in your chest. "Sit in the truck and catch your breath?" I nod, sheepishly, and you guide us across the parking lot. As I climb up into your truck, I realize how much my already short skirt has ridden up. You push me over and get in right beside, chuckling as I try to pull my skirt down. "My turn to say No, darlin. "

I turn to rest my head against you and curl my legs over your lap. We talk, or you do, and I know it's important. I know there's so much to listen to, and hear. I know it all matters. And all I can do is follow the rumble of your voice through your chest as I watch your hand trace up and down my thigh. "Are you getting all this, baby?"

"I'm trying."

"Well, I guess that's better than No. "

And then you're kissing me again and I want to fall into your mouth, I want to be absorbed by you, I'm floating. I reach for you, I don't know what I'm doing but I know as soon as my hands grab your shirt that's it's wrong and I want, no, need, your skin. I pull your shirt out of your pants and gasp as I touch your sides, your stomach, pushing it up to drag myself away from your mouth and just rub my face on your chest, mouth open, savoring the smell and finally taste of you. Oh. The taste of you. Now I need you in my mouth. I tug at your jeans until you relent and help, pulling them open and pushing them past your hips to release your cock. I should probably pause and admire this moment, but all I can do is fall on you, moaning around the heat and taste of you. The angle is awkward, I'm on my knees bent across your lap with my ass up in the air, a circumstance you decide to make the most of, pushing my jean skirt the rest of the way up and pulling my cotton panties to the side to expose me in the lights of the parking lot "Tell me. "

I pull my mouth off of you and try to speak. "Please. " It's quiet and buried in sparse fuzz of your belly.

"Babe, I'm gonna need more than that. "

I sit up to straddle you, my warmth and wetness hovering just above you. I hold your eyes for as long as I can stand before leaning my forehead on yours and lowering myself to slide along the length of you.

"Please?"

"Oh, fuck me, c'mere. " and together we push and pull and gasp until you're seated deep inside me, your hands hard and welcome on my hips, my arms snaking behind you to hold on to your shoulders.

"Fuck. " when I grind my hips into you. "Fuck. " when you push up to make it even better. "Fuck. " before I bite down hard on that delicious spot where your neck meets your shoulder. "Oh fuck." as you reach around to push a finger into my ass. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. " as this time I want you to come with me.

I can't stand it, working myself back and forth between your fingers and your cock, nothing but pure feminine need to be filled. It's so close, unspooling in the lowest part of my belly, but I don't want it without you. "Tell me. "

"Please... inside me." buried in your neck. And, oh, you take me at my words, fucking up into me hard enough to make us both gasp and see stars. I'm not sure who starts it, but all I know is that I couldn't stop if a damn state trooper was at the window. You feel so good, so real, and I'm coming and coming apart and laughing and crying all at the same time.

As the wave finally passes, you use the fingers still in my ass to hold me against you, while you lift my chin to make me look at you with your other hand. "You're gonna have to talk to me sometime, babe. "

"I know." A soft kiss. And another sniffle.

Your glance down takes in where we are still so intimately connected, "I think I can work with that. "