Author's note: This story continues directly from Parts 1-6. While not required, Pts 1-6 are strongly recommended first, to follow the story, get to know the characters, and understand what's really happening in this chapter. This one is a little different from previous parts, but integral to the overall story series. Do enjoy, rate the story on the final page, and keep the comments coming, positive and negative. Even more story to come soon. I very much appreciate every read, every comment, and every star ranking. I reserve all copyrights as the original author. --TIB
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Fall had come.
Kelly wrapped the blanket around herself a little tighter, looking out from the cabin porch to the forested splendor around her. Oranges, yellows, and rusted reds adorned the trees that painted the landscape. It was so beautiful. Far from civilization, it was quiet. Peaceful.
And yet... Kelly was lost in thought, trying to draw in the beauty around her, but fighting a losing battle. Her mind was racing with memories and uninvited thoughts she didn't want to dwell on, but try as she might, it was like trying to hold back the wind with one's outstretched arms. She was anything but at peace.
The wind. As if to complete the metaphor, a small and short gust of a breeze blew past, rustling up leaves that had cascaded lazily to the ground around the cabin. Kelly reacted to the chill by clutching her blanket again. She tossed her head to the side, letting the breeze lightly blow her long red hair from her face. That much felt good--purifying, clean, and natural.
Kelly became aware of a tear she hadn't even noticed, that the wind had blown down her cheek. She pursed her lips in a small frown and, staying wrapped in the blanket, pushed the back of her hand up and wiped the tear away.
She heard the front screen door open with a creak, and looked up just as Caelin walked out. He looked so handsome and rugged in his familiar light brown cargo pants, a red and black checkered shirt, sleeves rolled up past his strong forearms as he liked to do.
Caelin looked at Kelly, and must have seen something on her face that troubled him. He scrunched up his face with a curious look, then sat down on the porch swing next to her.
The two of them sat quietly together, taking in the view, letting nature provide the light background sounds of soft rustling with the occasional breeze. The porch swing rocked back and forth in the smallest of arcs, a tiny creak at the bottom of every swing. It could almost pass for serenity.
Couldn't it?
Kelly sighed, a bit louder than she intended, without even realizing it, wanting to keep her thoughts contained in herself. Hoping he didn't notice.
Another minute passed in silence.
"Baby girl..."
Kelly turned to look at him, not liking the way this sounded. Intrusive. Feeling like her little self-domain castle of pain was about to be challenged.
Caelin paused. Then turned to look at her, and spoke slowly.
"I see you.
I know you."
Caelin took her hand in his. She always felt so small in his big, strong hands. He turned his head to look off the porch for a minute, then turned back to her.
"I know something troubles you. You carry a burden so big, it might as well be a rucksack of granite on your back. I see it in you clear as day."
His face took on a caring and concerned look. "I don't judge. You know I, of all people, won't ever judge. I have my own troubles.
It's for you to decide. If you ever want to talk about it, I..." his voice trailed off. He patted her hand with his free palm, then still holding it with his other, turned back to gaze from the porch.
And it began again. Started to well up inside her. Those demons clawed at her, stirring from their sleep. Kelly looked at him, studying the side of his face as her mind raced. Maybe it was time.
No, no... she couldn't ever. Could she? Didn't she have to endure it for the rest of her life? It was her cross to bear, and hers alone.
Or, was it?
That which he had left unsaid--she heard many things in it. An offer. Even a promise. Latitude. Understanding. Maybe even empowerment. But also a suggestion. Or maybe more.
Kelly drooped her head again in shamed chagrin. He kept his gaze looking outwards at the countryside, and she joined him, squeezing his hand, feeling her palm a little sweaty in fear. So much beauty out there in the world. So much ugliness and pain she felt within, in flagrant contrast. How could she ever uncover, that which she felt she had to perpetually and eternally keep hidden?
But he was him. And there was... whatever this was, between them.
Fuck it.
Kelly squeezed his hand. He turned his head to look at her, seeing the torment on her face. She smiled at him through welled-up eyes, and silently gave him a knowing little nod. He rose as she stood, and, together, they wordlessly walked inside the cabin, the wooden door clamping shut behind them.
Kelly led him to the sitting area next to the wood stove, and they took two chairs facing each other.
Kelly felt so nervous. No, terrified. She sat, wringing her hands, trying to find the words. Where to start? What to say? How does one go about the impossible?
Caelin sat silently, patiently waiting without any motion or prompting.
Kelly took a deep breath. It was time. She just started talking, letting the words come to her as she spoke, not sure how to go about this.
And so she began.
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"It was just a little under four years ago, in the fall. September.
September... 22nd."
Kelly looked up, carefully watching Caelin's face as she spoke, nervous with every word she revealed.
"I had a son."
If this freaked him out at all, he didn't reveal it in his face or bodily reaction. She didn't know quite what to expect from him, but telling him this made her anxious, dreading any potential scorn, feeling vulnerable like this could lower her value in his eyes, or make her less appealing to him. Caelin sat quietly, listening with full attention.
"Michael. He was my boy. My world. He came from a relationship I had with a man, CJ. CJ and I had our troubles, and by the time I woke up and realized he wasn't quite the man for me, I was already pregnant. That was a strange time in my life, and I was looking for something with CJ, but it didn't quite seem to be there. Then I found out I was pregnant, and my whole life changed.
I was young, and didn't know what to do. I wasn't ready for a kid, to have that kind of responsibility. When I told CJ, he came unglued and said 'Well, we need to take care of that!'"
The cabin creaked a bit, as leaves fluttered against a side window in the breeze. Kelly continued, tenuously letting out the words as they came to her.
"I knew what he meant, but I wasn't raised that way, and my church would never forgive it. So I had Michael, and everything changed. I never knew what people were talking about, not knowing what true love is, until you have a child. He became my everything, the center of my world. I put all of myself into Michael.
CJ and I tried to do the right thing and work things out for Michael's sake. We moved in together, we fought a lot, but somehow kept going and talked every now and then about what the future might hold."
Kelly brushed a lock of her red hair back behind her ear.
"Anyway, when Michael was three years old, that September, we went to the lake with a bunch of our friends, me, CJ, and Michael. CJ was drinking hard with the guys, so I took it easy, just having a few wine coolers so that I could be the one to drive back home. Michael seemed to love playing on the beach, stomping around in his pudgy bare feet."
Kelly got a wistful look on her face, with a tight lipped smile at the memory, touched with pain. She spoke as an entirely different person when talking about her boy. Caelin kept listening silently.
"I was completely blind to it at the time. Or maybe I just didn't want to see it. But CJ wasn't very good to me. And I let it happen. Maybe I even asked for it, I don't know. I didn't think I was worth very much. He treated me like crap. Of course that day, the more he had to drink, the louder and meaner he got. He got pretty belligerent with all of us. Especially me. He..."
Kelly didn't finish her sentence, lost in thought for a few seconds.
"Later that night, we all said our goodbyes and went home. I felt okay to drive, so I took the keys to our crappy old station wagon. CJ was pretty drunk, so I had to buckle him in his seat belt, just like I did with Michael. There I was, taking care of two kids, not one. I kept trying to talk to CJ on the way home, to stay engaged and alert. I was so tired, but felt it my responsibility to get us home. I took my right hand off the steering wheel as I turned to him and pushed his shoulder to wake him up, and..."
A quiver started in Kelly's voice.
"...and then...
When I looked back to the road, there was a medium-sized something there. In front of me. To this day, I still don't know what--a coyote, small bear--who knows. I froze for a second, unsure what to do, then grabbed the steering wheel with both hands and swerved to the right. There was a BIG thump. Whatever it was smacked into the back left of the car. We were careening to the right, so I over-corrected and tried to come back to the left."
Kelly loosely held her arms in front of her above her lap as she told the story, hands clenched as if she were steering a car, reliving the events as she recounted them, her arms trembling.
"I lost control. We went sliding to the right, and spun off the road."
