Hey Alyssa,
So I'm sitting here in my hotel room still trying to figure out what the hell just happened. I need to tell someone and, well fuck it, you've always been my judgement-free confessor.
I actually tried calling your number but I guess you're sleeping (it's probably middle of the night there anyway, so oops, sorry), hence the email.
Okay, let me back up here, otherwise I'm going to be all over the place.
I know, I know, no different than any other time, right? You probably know your favorite cousin pretty well after all these years.
I'm here at Mega Con for my tenth year in a row. Yes, the "Geek Paradise" as you've called it half a dozen times. Anyway, I had one goal this time around: to finally enter a cosplay contest.
You know I love cosplaying. After all, you helped me with some of my costumes those first couple of years. Remember that first time I went with Joe and Tyler? I totally punked out and wore a Batman costume I ordered online.
I know, I'm being hard on myself: plenty of people wear store-bought shit to cons. And honestly, I still had fun. But after seeing some of the amazing costumes people put together, I decided that the following year I wanted to make my own.
I can practically hear you laughing, and I know why -- the problem was I couldn't sew to save my fucking life.
Fortunately I knew someone who did, right?
After all, you were into costume and design stuff from school (now look at you BTW, over in Japan working on that movie. Really fucking proud of you). Thanks to you, I put together that amazing Batman costume based on the "Gotham by Gaslight" comic book from a while back. And holy shit, everyone LOVED it. I can't remember how many times I got stopped for people to take pictures with me.
Best of all, you actually TAUGHT me how to use the sewing machine and work with different fabrics.
I'll never forget Tyler giving me shit about it though. Like a guy shouldn't fucking know how to sew?
Plus, he was also constantly trying to get you alone, which creeped you out and pissed me the hell off.
But you know, there's advantages to be 6' 3" and 230 pounds, so he settled down on both fronts pretty quick. I wonder what that asshole is up to now. Haven't spoken from him in ages.
Hah, you're probably reading this and saying "Get to the damn point, Mike!" Well fuck you, we already established I go off on tangents LOL!
Okay circling back...
So this year I decided to enter the contest. I didn't care if I won or not, I just wanted to finally give it a try.
There's several categories, including "Mashup." You remember when I did that Pennywise/Joker costume two years ago? People went nuts about it. So I wanted to do something fun again but I was having trouble coming up with an idea.
Anyway, I was talking to Trish (relax, we're just talking and trying to be friends), and she mentioned how I always reminded her of "Gaston" from "Beauty and the Beast." I laughed because I wasn't sure if that was supposed to be a compliment or not (don't even say it), but that got me thinking.
Don't ask me how, but I ended up with this crazy idea of mashing up Gaston with Wolverine from "X-Men". I'd grow out my sideburns and order the claws off that costume site. Before you know it I had everything together. For an added touch I added an "X" to the belt and bought fake cigar to chomp on.
The con has been fairly packed this year. And now that they're getting some big name guests (Doctor Who's Matt Smith and Alex Kingston are here), I think it's going to give Fan Expo Boston a run for its money. Hell, maybe even New York Comic Con. I think the fact that the convention center is connected to the hotel is a huge advantage.
The contest was at 2pm this afternoon, so I wanted to head over and register early. Making my way through the crowds, I got stopped a couple of times to do the "Gaston Pose" with the Wolverine claws popped out. There was even a couple dressed as Beauty and the Beast, so we got a couple of pics together (I'll text them to you later).
Needless to say I got there later than I expected, so I was second to last in line. But it was fine because while I was waiting my turn to go up on stage, I found myself chatting with a dude from New York who was up with his buddy for the weekend. The guy was dressed as mashup of Deadpool and Eleven from Stranger Things. It was hysterical: a full Deadpool costume but with a blonde wig and dress.
We got to talking about the con and cosplaying and after a few minutes he said with a chuckle, "Dude, be careful. I think the local law enforcement is checking you out."
I gave him a strange look because I had no fucking clue what he was talking about. He motioned with his head and I turned around.
So picture this: two girls, both in variations of the 'Slave Leia' bikini from 'Return of the Jedi.' One girl's costume was all white and she was wearing a Stormtrooper helmet. The other was in all black, wearing a Darth Vader mask and a flowing cape.
And holy shit their bodies were fucking amazing. You know I've always been a boob man. Both girls were easily 32-34B and their brassieres were doing a wonderful job of highlighting their fantastic assets. Both of them had stunning hourglass figures. When 'Madame Vader' turned and leaned in to say something to her Stormtrooper, it was pretty clear by the amount of skin she was showing, there was most likely nothing under the long black loincloth.
I watched as the Stormtrooper nodded to something 'Madame Vader' said (at this point I didn't know what else to call her). She then lifted her prop gun and started walking in our direction.
"You're in for it now man," said Eleven/Deadpool.
The sexy Stormtrooper came right up to me and pointed her weapon.
"You. Rebel Scum," she barked, "You're to come with me immediately."
I raised my eyebrow, my cigar jammed firmly in my teeth. I figured what the hell, if we were gonna do this, have fun with it. "Rebel scum?" I growled, "Sweetheart, do I look like rebel scum to you?"
The trooper pressed the nozzle of her weapon into my chest. "Now."
I glanced over to Eleven/Deadpool who shrugged, "Don't look at me man. I'm a merc, remember?"
I leaned in towards the Stormtrooper and grunted, "You know, no one fights like Gaston. And with these claws I bet it would be an interesting fight. But okay, I'm game."
As I stepped away from the line, I heard my new friend shout, "Vaya Con Dios, my son!"
The Stormtrooper led me over to 'Madame Vader' who had her hands on her curvy hips. I also got a chance to admire her thigh-high black boots, laced up the front with buckles going up the sides. She had a black belt around her waist which hung a light saber hilt. As I got closer and saw a tan line on her exposed hip, I was convinced more than ever that she was wearing nothing underneath.
'Madame Vader' looked at me from head to toe.
"Something I can do for you?" I said in my best Hugh Jackman voice.
For a moment she stood there silently. I almost expected to hear the raspy Vader breathing.
"You..." she said finally in a commanding but very sultry voice, "...will follow me. There will be no questions. Is that understood?"
So okay, you know I don't like games or bullshit or anything like that. But there was something about this situation...I'm just gonna say it: I got rock hard. I swore my dick was going to explode out of my pants.
Again, I can practically hear you laughing. But we've always been pretty open about this kind of shit, so obviously I'm not going to stop now.
Anyway, I rubbed my scruffy chin (careful not to poke myself with my claws) and took the cigar out of my mouth.
"You're Jedi mind tricks ain't working here, sister," I snarled, "But I'll play along...for now."
Without another word, she turned, her cloak sweeping behind her. I felt a poke in my back: the Stormtrooper was nudging me to start moving.
I followed 'Madame Vader' around a large curtain that led to behind the stage. From there we walked to a set of doors that led to a maintenance corridor. Now I'm not going to lie, this was all starting to make me a little bit nervous. Sexy as these two were, I had no idea who they were, what they looked like under their helmets or what was really going on. I was just about to say enough is enough and head back into the main convention floor when we stopped in front of another door marked "storage."
'Madame Vader' reached down with one of her gloved hands and pulled down on the handle, opening the door.
"Inside," she commanded. I looked at her and the Stormtrooper, who appeared to be setting up for guard duty. I shrugged and stepped inside.
The room was full of stacked chairs and folding tables. One table was set up with a few chairs around it. There were some papers on top of it. My guess is some of the Con organizers had probably used this room for planning the floor layout.
The door closed and it was just me and 'Madame Vader' in the room. As she walked past me, her hands lifted up and unlocked the chain holding her cape together. She let it drop to the floor.
With the cloak gone, I was able to get a better look at her body. The thin straps of her black brassiere didn't fully cover her tan lines, so I could tell she definitely enjoyed spending time in the sun. She was also more toned than I realized, though her hips still had a very lovely curve to them. Sure enough, the rear loincloth, which had up until now been hidden by her cape, was a little bit narrower than the front one, and her amazing ass cheeks were poking out ever so slightly on either side.
With her still to me, she turned her masked head slightly.
"I understand no one fights like Gaston," she said, continuing with a deep, ominous voice.
"So I hear," I replied gruffly.