Approaching Adulthood Is Fun 01

Approaching adulthood is fun 01

Well, I'm assuming adulthood is basically defined as being 21, which means my approaching period still has a couple of months to go.

Anyways, hello there, I'm Josh and approaching adulthood is fun, yet difficult, but not as a difficult as being lodged into the middle of the 'friend's zone' with some girls my age and I'm not trying to be politically incorrect, but I'm pretty sure that the 'friend's zone' was invented by a woman who wanted absolute and total control of the situation without losing anyone in her life, mm-hmm.

Anyways, thanks for listening to my approaching adulthood and opinion on that 'friend's zone' rant and I'll have more to say about that later, like maybe in the second segment of my story.

So, I'm the one who stayed behind in town after graduation and attended the local community college, but that's okay since I was in the right place at the right time to land a decent entry level job as a 3D printer technician at a local engineering firm. I have a decent lab for a work space and I'm the one who downloads the approved work order design parameters electronic files from the engineers into the 3D printer's main frame, let the mainframe digest the data and give me a red menu 'Halt' box if the electronic files do not make sense or a green menu 'Proceed' box with a suggestion of which modeling chamber to use, make sure that chamber and modeling nozzles are clean and ready to go and make sure the modeling material is proper, push the green menu box and watch it go, Hah-Zah.

Unless it's casual Friday because that seems to be a more of a slacker day. But I'm starting my story on the Thursday before the next casual Friday, so, that's for later too.

Also, I don't know 'Hah-Zah' means, but I seem to say it a lot, so, Hah-Zah.

I also have a second job, a volunteer job, once a month on the first Friday of the month as the official, yet unofficial, college 'care package' delivery guy for my 'friend's zone' friend's, Evie Evans and Livvy Livingston, who are attending college down at the coastal university, but that story segment is for later as I mentioned above, especially since as I also just mentioned above, I'm stuck in, OMFG, stuck in the 'friend's zone' with those two, which sucks it hard, but that's the way it is, Hah-Zah!

Anyways, my story starts when I had to start making 'approaching adulthood' plans that were rock-solid plans, uninterruptable plans and foolproof plans, that I have titled my 'rental to do' plans because of the handwriting I saw on the wall at home, which I think took a new pencil to write all that handwriting on the wall, but, mm-hmm, I got the message.

First, my dad and his girlfriend, Ms. Royal, I mean, Regan, had been talking for a while and even I could see them both entering into their second marriage each in the near future, so, even though there had been no official announcement, I could see it coming and they wouldn't need me hanging around the house afterwards, right? And I support them tying the knot because they both seem happy and they both deserve that.

So, my 'rental to do' list included renting my own apartment before the wedding, rent a moving truck and a couple of moving dudes, rent a Tux, although I could foresee the ceremony being smaller and at the Justice of the Peace office, rent a Limo because I believe that anyone who wears a Tux should ride around in a Limo and maybe rent a cabin down at the Split Tree Resort if I knew of any ceremony event planning gatherings being held because that's not my thing, Hah-Zah.

Well, unless such an event planning gathering was hosted by Ms. Royal's, ugh, I mean, Regan's sister's house. I mean, it's possible that a wedding planning event might include a formal gown or a nice dress 'show and tell' side show, right and I'm pretty sure that Mrs. Peaks will fill out her gown quite nicely and there's always a chance that she might need help with gown's zipper or something, so, um, well, that might be a day dream, but who knows.

Anyways, even without that official announcement, the nuptials seemed to be on lock, just like my rental plans were on lock and even though renting an apartment isn't as easy as it sounds, I felt very confident that nothing could disrupt any of my plans. But in full disclosure, I may or may not have been dragging my feet just a bit about renting an apartment too soon because being served my morning pancakes by Ms. Royal, OMG, by Regan, Regan, Regan, after my dad left for work was going to be greatly missed after I moved out. And I'm asking for a point of credit here because even though Regan stayed over plenty and changed from her jammies into an extremely sheer morning house gown after dad left for work or for one of his endless business trips, that's all it ever was and little more, deposit point of credit here, please and thank you.

And everybody looks, so what? I mean, she was right there, scurrying around the kitchen with her naughty sheer morning wrap robe flowing like a flag in breeze and what else was I to do as I munched on my fluffy flap jacks other than look, right? And I promise and swear it that the one time I couldn't help but reach out and finger hook the draw tie string was because I had an arm and hand spasm at the same time and that's all, sorry, not sorry because there are no refunds on previously deposited points of good behavior credit, Hah-Zah.

Besides, Regan didn't even seem to notice or mind as she continued to scurry around the kitchen because...

"[Slides a plate of fluffy flap jacks across the Breakfast Bar] there you go, Josh, your usual plate of fluffy flap jacks and syrup. And by the way, Josh, I took a call here yesterday afternoon from the Apartment Complex and the woman from the office said that your apartment application has been approved and your apartment will be available in one month. She also said that you seem to be dragging your feet about calling her back and I'm not saying anything out loud, but one month of time for you to move out and become an adult, mm-hmm, sounds just about perfect to me [flowing open morning robe], so?"

Well then, see folks, that sounded pretty close to a handwriting on the wall wedding announcement to me, right?

"[Slides the bottle of syrup even closer] and if I scribbled on your bedroom wall last night that your bedroom was a perfect size for an exercise room, that was only because I sometimes sleep walk with a new pencil in my hand and that's all. Oh, and by another way, Josh, mm-hmm, you mumble in your sleep about a mountain range that has amazing twin peaks, mm-hmm and since my sister's formal name is Mrs. Peaks, mm-hmm and since she is the one who ended up with the amazing and quite distractive twin peaks, mm-hmm, watch about what you day and night dream about, young man, mm-hmm!"

Well, sometimes a day dream is exactly the same as night dream. Besides, the likelihood of anything ever happening was slim (minus, minus) to none (plus, plus), so.

"[Soft munch, soft munch] but there's always a little room for a blind eye to be turned [soft munch, soft munch], right Regan?"

"Well [flippy flap goes the open morning gown], Josh, since you've never said anything to your father about how I change out of my jammies and into this morning gown just after he leaves for work or a business trip and since it's always the woman who has to turn a blind eye, I guess I could turn a blind eye a time or two, especially given her home life, so, as you say for some weird reason, Josh, Hah-Zah!"

Mm-hmm, that sounded like handwriting on the wall permission to me! Now, I just needed someone to organize a stupid event planning night so I could make a proper fool out of myself as I prove that the likelihood was slim (minus, minus) to none (plus, plus), right?

"[Ping, an incoming text from Mrs. Peaks] Josh, I have some news that I'd like to share with you about the happy couple. Can U stop by after work today?"

Oh, well then, maybe it's just a plain ole slim to none situation then, Ha-Zah! And I needed an early out anyways to get caught up on the 'rental to do' list. And swing by the library to sign out a book on how to break the iron ring of the 'friend's zone' curse, even if it's a witchcraft book, so.

[Clump, squishy swish, clump, squishy swoosh, clump, swish, swish, clump, swoosh, swoosh towards the lab's open door]

LOL, my boss, boss ma'am Mrs. Darren, makes these squishy, swishy, swoosh sounds when she strides down the hallway because of her pantyhose, um, I'm guessing it was because of her pantyhose making that swishy noise anyways.

"Knock, knock, Josh, I heard from Luci that you wanted to speak with me, so, here I am. What's on your mind and please don't tell me another 3D Printer chamber went down, so?"

[Clump, squishy swish, clump, squishy swoosh and plops down on the corner of the desk]

"Boss ma'am, Mrs. Darren, no ma'am, all of the chambers are up and running as smoothly as when someone rubs nylon stockings together, but I find..."

"[Squirms on the desk top, which hikes up her business skirt a bit] hmm!"

"But I myself with a 'approaching adulthood' dilemma today and I would like to take an early out today because I need to sign the lease on my apartment and then stop by the library to research how to break the 'friend's zone' curse and I promise you and swear it to you that my 3D modeling project for today will be finished before I leave because I know that the lab protocol is to always have someone in the lab to hit the red button if something goes wrong with one of the 3D printers, so?"

"(Giggles) you know, Josh (giggles) the 'friend's zone' was invented by a woman who liked to have control of what men were wrapped around her pinky finger without losing any of them (giggles), right?"

Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm! But I suppose it's not politically incorrect when a woman says it.

"Anyways, Josh, you've been a model employee since joining our engineering firm and everyone has errands to run from time to time, which (giggles) never seems to happen of casual Fridays since the younger women have quietly changed the policy, however..."

Dang it, nothing good ever comes after someone let's out a 'however' before approving an early out, am I right?

"However, Josh, it seems like a fair trade to me that for your early out today (giggles), to take care of your 'approaching adulthood' issues, and since you haven't been flapping your jaws at the water cooler about what you may or may not have saw when you saw what you think you saw in the office supply room last week, um, let's just make it official and both agree to say that there was nothing to be seen, okay, Josh?"

Oh, I'm not even 21 for another two months and my vision is 20-20 and mm-hmm, I saw what I saw and I saw it all and I saw it so good that I almost had to cover my eyes! And I never thought I would see that from such a prim and proper woman like boss ma'am, Mrs. Darren, who is the definition of being prim and proper with her business skirt suits and her jacket blazers and two blouses if I'm not mistaken, and her squishy, swishy pantyhose, which I think she makes that noise on purpose.

And I think she wears two blouses because I'm not sure of what layers of clothing things women wear because, you know, I'm in the mother#@&^*@^%#%ing 'friend's zone' with everyone!

Also, I've learned to knock on the office supply room.

"Boss ma'am, Mrs. Darren, I saw nothing! Well, I saw what I hope to have forever more before I leave for work in the mornings and just before bedtime every night after I find a girlfriend way outside of the 'friend's zone', but that's my problem, so, other than I saw everything, I saw nothing, Hah-Zah, so, can I have an early out today?"

"Well, since we're on the same page now and all, I suppose, just don't forget that it's your turn to bring three boxes of donuts in tomorrow morning for casual Friday because I just might..."

"Oh, and boss ma'am, Mrs. Darren, is tomorrow finally the day that you accept the challenge to join in on the fun with the new and improved causal Friday dress code because earlier this morning inside of the coffee room, I heard you were finally teetering on the edge of letting your prim and proper hair down and according to what I heard, the odds are 3 to 1 that happens tomorrow, so?"

"[Squirms around on the desk top, which also causes a few squishy, swishy pantyhose sounds because that's what the lack of thigh gap produces] OMG, Josh! I don't see how I could possibly jump on the bandwagon with how the younger women in the office have taken advantage of our casual Friday dress code by wearing shorter skirts, thigh high nylon stockings with a garter belt instead of pantyhose and open blouses to slightly expose their bras, so, don't hold your breath about what you might have heard while in the coffee breakroom, so?"

"Well, boss ma'am, Mrs. Darren, you glossed right over their fancy little ankle boots and I can totally see you rocking a charcoal grey business skirt suit with thin black pinstripes, where the 'tight on your thighs' skirt is just slightly shorter and appropriate for you and your blazer jacket is just slightly open enough to highlight a striking pink blouse, that is also slightly, slightly open to slightly reveal a lace cup black bra and maybe two leg garters, one on each thigh, that might rub together and make a little noise when you strut, I mean, when you walk because..."

"OMG, Josh! [Squirms on desk, which causes her appropriate business skirt to ride up a bit more] that will be enough of that type of talk because I haven't enough room or time to have a third office affair and maintain my prim and proper image because..."

[A surprise visit at the lab's open door]

"Knock, knock, hey guys, it's me, Lydia, the engineering admin and I've been looking for you, Mrs. Prim & Proper, I mean, Mrs. Darren because I have a few work orders that require your signature sign off (and that's a lot of thigh meat you're flashing, mm-hmm!) Also, if it's an ego boost for you, Josh, my boyfriend is awfully jealous over you working with me since you're so handsome, but I convinced him that we became friends on your first day and that we're in that zone, so, um, he would be comfortable if you used your handheld 3D printer 3D scanner and 3D printed my right leg so he can make a Leg Lamp like they had in the old Christmas movie and my boyfriend said that he rig a switch in just the right place so he get all up in there when I'm not staying over because..."

"OMFG, Lydia! There will be no side jobs for a boyfriend's personal sex doll from one of his girlfriend's legs at any time! Also, I don't there is 3D modeling chamber tall enough in Josh's lab too accommodate your long, slender and shapely legs because..."

[A surprise visit at the lab's open door]

"Knock, knock, hey guys, it's me, Merri from accounts payable and I just heard at the water cooler that tomorrow's theme is sexy black pinstripes on charcoal grey, but I only have deep pink pinstripes over medium grey in my closet, so, can I submit a work order for approval to substitute, Mrs. Thigh Meat, I mean, Mrs. Darren? Also, hey there, Josh, I'd ask your opinion on what color matching undies I should wear tomorrow, but you know, since we're established friends now and all, so, all I can ask of you is to 3D print for me a bunch of teeny ting bowties to attach all over my outfit and ankle boots because..."

"OMFG, Merri! [Heavy breathing squirming on the desk and all that thigh meat is now in full bloom] just wear what you have, for Pete's sakes because..."

[A surprise visit at the lab's open door]

"Knock, knock, hey guys, it's me, Luci from receivables and I just came from the copy room where, you know, as usual, a couple of the engineers asked for photo copies of my butt and they mentioned that tomorrow is now pinstriped Lady Gangster business suit day and Josh, um, hey there, hey, friend, um, can your 3D printer thingamabob thingy print a pistol holder for my casual Friday ankle boots? Or maybe for my thigh garter ring, hmm? Oh, and Mrs. Darren, some of guys have been asking if you will be squishy squashy strutting around all day tomorrow with a big fat gangster cigar in the side of your mouth because..."

"OMFG, Luci! And stop selling photo copies of your booty, especially since it's copied on company copy machine paper because..."

[A surprise visit at the lab's open door]

"Knock, knock, hey guys, it's me, Gina from HR and I was just looking for you, Darla Darren and then I couldn't you in the office supply room, mm-hmm, but HQ just contacted HR and advised that we just won a new contract to 3D model print store mannequin's and they want four prototypes fast! So, where are we going to find four body models quick, who are professional or at least deep enough in the 'friend's zone' with technician Josh to be comfortable allowing him to 3D scan them, hmm? Also, Josh, you're getting a new and taller modeling chamber tomorrow morning that's taller enough to 3D print a girlfriend, I mean a model. Anyways, for one, they want a taller mannequin who is normal up top, but with slender and shapely legs that don't quit because..."

[Engineering Admin Lydia stares back blankly back at HR Gina and blinks, mm-hmm]

"And then they want a normal height female model who is more towards being, well, well developed because..."

[Accounts Payable Merri stares back blankly back at HR Gina and blinks, mm-hmm]

"And they also want a mannequin model who might have a shapely booty that's worth selling copies of because..."

[Receivables Luci stares back blankly back at HR Gina and blinks, mm-hmm]

"And then they want a mannequin model with thighs so thick that they make squishy sounds when they rub together while walking because...

[LOL, Engineering Manager Mrs. Darren just starts whistling and looking up and away into space]

"And by the way, Josh, you're working the weekend! And I'll be here with you on Saturday because since we've never made friends between us and we should make friends, especially since nobody ever wants to make friends with anyone HR, so? I mean, I won't bother you in the lab, but I might clean out and straighten up the office supply room, so?"

[Mm-hmm, Engineering Manager Mrs. Darren heard enough!]

"OMFG, everybody, out! Out of the lab, quick! Josh, you better take your early out now and get all of your 'approaching adulthood' issue errands out of the way today. Also (psst, bring in a box of Gangster Lady cigars with the donuts in the morning, okay?)"

"(LOL, psst, big fat gangster cigars, boss ma'am, Mrs. Darren?)"

"(Shush and bring a box of cigars.)"

Yeah, whispering that close to everyone doesn't actually work, so.

"Mm-hmm, and Josh, if you want pointy tips nips to scan, mm-hmm, grab a bag of tweaking ice cubes, friend!"

"Well, ladies of the office, all I can say to that is being in 'friend's zone' has its moments sometimes, Hah-Zah! I should also say that our 3D scanner picks up everything and I mean everything and my best guess is that the prototype mannequins shouldn't have hair down there because, mm-hmm, our 3D printers are that good too, Hah-Zah!"

Well, well, well. Did I mention somewhere above that I landed a decent job?

Anyways, since my early out started even earlier than I thought, it was time to check off a couple of boxes on my 'to do' list and my plan was to stop by Mrs. Peaks for a quick minute to see what her breaking news flash fuss was all about, swing by the library to sign out a witchcraft 'friend's zone' spell breaking book and then stop by the Apartment Complex leasing office and sign on the dotted line. And since I felt confident that Mrs. Peaks would dispose of me quickly, that was my first stop.

[Knock, knock, knock and the door slowly creaks open]

"Oh, Josh, I wasn't expecting you this early in the afternoon [grabs his arm and literally pulls him inside], get inside of my house quick before one of the gossip club spies catches me inviting a younger eligible bachelor inside when my hubby isn't home!"