Audio and visual inspiration came from watching the music video of the song "Something to Someone" by Dermot Kennedy. Some of the visuals were heavily influenced and if you're curious for reference here you go.
If you're not curious, well, hope you just enjoy the story either way! Thanks for reading :)
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I sat on my balcony, the sun barely rising, my favorite blanket wrapped around me. My eyes stung, my cheeks raw from how much I was crying. It was just one of those really necessary ugly cries, the ones that make your throat hurt and face sore. But it always feels so cathartic.
And as my eyes dried up, the sun cresting the horizon, I felt like it was symbolically showing me the new dawn to my day too. Cliché as it is it made me smile, even just a bit.
I took a deep breath and walked inside, looking around at the place. I was expecting it to look different, expecting to see the stray sweatshirt or stash of snacks. It was odd, that unfamiliar sense, like my space wasn't fully mine. A deep breath followed by a weary sigh filled the still space. I shook my head, heading to my room to crawl into my bed.
It had only been two weeks but I still felt rocked by the reality of my newfound singledom. After two years and moving in with someone I thought I loved my feet felt unsteady as I tried to find my setting again. Sleep was a warm welcome, the exhaustion hitting me again.
When I woke up it was already afternoon, the sun high in the sky. My hair was ratty, my body feeling grimy after the late night. A hot shower was in order. And as the steam and scalding water embraced me I was slowly feeling that sense of relief I had this morning. Once the water started to run cold I stepped out, drying off and sliding into my cotton pajamas.
I walked back out to the balcony to grab my plate I left from last night, hesitating when I saw a peculiar little piece of paper. It was folded up and clipped to a string that led to the balcony next to mine. I hesitated, a bit confused, before snatching it. I opened it up and saw in pencil a simple question:
What made you cry like that?
My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach as I glanced to my right. Our balconies had those privacy walls I couldn't very well see the tenant next to me. But it was evident they had heard me. Embarrassment and frustration swirled around. The audacity to ask that kind of question to a stranger was astonishing.
I hurried inside, grabbing a pencil and writing an easy reply:
Sorry for the nose.
I folded it back up and tossed it around the wall, shaking my head as I cleaned up and got ready to try and enjoy my weekend as best I could.
Each passing day felt easier than the last, and within two months I felt almost like my normal self. So much so that when my co-workers invited me out for drinks Friday after work I didn't feel like turning it down anymore. We went out to a bar not too far from my apartment, sitting down to get drinks.
It was nice, there were laughs, and I found myself really smiling. That was until I saw him walk in with another woman on his arm. Everything came crashing down on me. When I got home I changed into my comfy sweats, grabbed my blanket, made hot chocolate and curled up on my balcony to stare up at the sky.
"Fucking dammit," I grumbled, sniffing as the images of him with her flooded my mind. He looked so happy. He used to smile and laugh with me like that. He used to hold my arm or squeeze my waist. And now she was there.
I buried my face into my sleeve, gripping it as I trembled with my sobs.
"I thought you were better," a voice shocked me and I jumped, sniffling as I furiously wiped my face and looked around. I hesitated, pursing my lips.
"H-hello?" I called out when there was no other noise.
"Hey," the same raspy voice called out and I realized it came from the balcony with the weird letter. "I heard you crying a lot sometime back. Had me worried. But after my letter it stopped. I felt bad, like maybe I made you upset with the gesture. I just wasn't sure why someone would cry that much," he explained gently, my heart racing. I sniffled, wiping my face in my sleeve some more as I shifted in my chair.
I had nothing to say to the stranger next door who heard me at my most vulnerable. This was just awkward.
"Sorry, I'll try not to-"
"Sorry for what? You're allowed to cry," he sounded amused. I stared at the edge of the wall by the banister, half expecting him to poke his head around. "I usually hang out on my porch at night, it's calming. At least before you developed the habit of crying on yours," he laughed lightly and I scoffed.
"Yeah well, this is the last time that happens," I grumbled, shaking my head as my hand pushed into my hair, holding it back as I glared at the concrete below my chair.
"So what is it?" he asked gently.
"What's it matter?" I countered. Silence.
"I suppose it doesn't. But there are only a few reasons I could guess why someone cries that much," he offered. I rolled my eyes, lying my head on my knee as I curled up into myself more. My blanket was swallowing me whole, a warm comfort on the chilly night.
"People can cry for whatever damn reason," I countered.
"That's true too," he agreed easily. Why did he feel the need to keep talking to me? A part of me wanted to go back inside, but another part of me wanted to indignantly sit on my porch. It was my space. "But what was it?" he asked gently and I sighed. It was hard to not be annoyed. But there was a weird nagging sensation that told me to talk about it.
"I uh, got dumped me recently. I was fine, really it's been a little over two months, but I saw him today with another girl already," I hesitated, frowning. "I didn't think he'd move on that quickly while I was still recovering," I mumbled, more so to myself.
"That sounds tough," he mused and I sighed, nodding. "First serious break up?" the question threw me through a loop.
"Um, no? But first one to hit me this hard. Probably because I was the one dumped this time," I laughed, sniffling as I wiped my eyes again. They felt raw and itchy now. I hated crying.
"What usually helps you?"
I bit my lip, smirking slightly as I laughed at myself.
"Wallowing in self-pity until I'm over that. Then hanging out with other people. Maybe having pointless sex?" I breathed easily, fiddling with the blanket as I glanced up at the sky. The breeze was nice, chilled, but felt refreshing.
"Sounds normal to me," he offered making me smile a bit. "So what phase are you in now?" he chuckled and I sighed.
