I'm not quite sure how to begin this story as even just thinking about it is difficult for me. It is mostly true, but with added elements of sexual fantasy. The fantasy parts are what I wished had happened in the past or very much hope could happen in the future.
People say you should never have regrets in life... but I do. I have quite a few unfortunately. And this will be the difficult part of my story as it revolves around the breakup of my relationship with my wife of 12 years... whom I also intend to let read eventually. What she will make of it, I have no idea. I just hope she sees it for what it is. Which is essentially a story of a longing to be physically close again to the woman I adore and whom I was with for the best part of my life.
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Anna and I had now been separated for the best part of the last three years. It was tough at first of course, for all concerned. But eventually, as with everything that life throws at you, you become accustomed to the changes that are thrust upon you and you get used to them and to the new routines. Thankfully though, we are now on good terms and are able to have conversations without the arguments and fall outs that were a constant hindrance to our life together, especially in the latter years.
It was another hot and humid day in the summer of 22. I had just dropped our son off at school and was heading back to the house where Anna lived. A coffee and a quick chat and I'd be off, back to the apartment where I'd been living for the last couple of years.
Just for background.. I had stayed over at Annas the night before, sharing her bed, which happened occasionally when it suited us for family reasons. Christmas, birthdays etc. and I was tired, as was always the case when I slept with her post-separation. Reason being, I could never sleep straight away as I was always on edge. Always anticipating something. Always hoping and always fantasising. Every move she made through the night would awaken me... I'd move my body ever so close to her in the hope that our bodies could touch, even if it was ever so slightly. Though we shared the same bed on occasion it still felt like we were miles apart because for Anna, touching was always a no no.
Well, almost always...
Spain I guess was different. She was relaxed, it was hot.. proper hot. Not like the heat we have in the UK where it's usually accompanied by a cooling breeze. And night times seemed to be even hotter. Even with the patio door open and curtains closed, it still made no difference. We lay there together, I was nude, as was normal for me and Anna wearing her plum red bikini. Too hot even for a loose sheet to cover us, I can still picture her to this day. Lying to my right, I stared at her. Taking in every inch of her as she lay there on her back, head facing slightly away. Her right arm rested on her stomach whilst her left arm layed on the bed, closer to me than the rest of her. I thought to myself.. if she were to move her hand a little more to the left, then her hand would be touching my penis, which of course was in a semi erect state. 'Maybe she would touch it in her sleep, wake up and...'
I was becoming restless so I decided to move a little closer. Rock hard now, my penis was almost touching her fingers. But all of a sudden she had turned over. I longed to move closer and spoon into her and hold her.. like we used to, but alas, it wasn't going to be. I let my eyes travel down her almost nude body. Just the red strap that wrapped around her back and the red material that covered part of her bottom. I could still take in her hourglass shape, even in the dim moonlit room as the swells of her hips gave way to her narrower waist and rising again to the upper back, the long black hair that spread out on the pillow beneath. Moving as close as I could without invading her space, even if it was just to feel the heat from her body. I think I fell asleep at that point, but thankfully not for long.
I awoke to Anna again lying on her back. I was close to her, closer to the point where our skin was touching but not pressing. She was awake too and not saying a word, she took my left hand and brought it down to her bikini bottoms. She let my hand slip over the fabric of her bikini so I could feel her moistness. Sitting up now and leaning on my right arm, I could take in more of her as I let my fingers work over her mound, feeling her heat over the smooth material. My eyes travelled over her body, taking in her tummy and up to her beautiful breasts that still hid beneath the red material. I could see the nipples growing more erect with my every touch, so I pulled down the material to sit just beneath her left breast and leaned in to take her breast in my mouth, sucking gently and letting my tongue swirl around the stiff nipple. By now my hand had slipped beneath her bikini, cupping her pussy and letting my fingers slide inside her. At the same time she was facing slightly away, legs were gradually spreading as she gave me more access. I swear I'd never felt her as wet as I did that night. If I could have made this moment last all night, I would have. The feeling of arousal and the look of someone in such an aroused state was breathtaking.
But Anna had different ideas. All of a sudden she sat up, unhooked her bikini top and pulled off the bottoms. I knew what she wanted and I wasn't about to let her down. I lay back down on the bed as she sat astride me, taking my hard cock and aiming at her entrance, I slid inside her as deep as I could go. Her heat was incredible, as was the view I had of her, as she gradually moved back and forth, holding her breasts in her hands. Unfortunately I knew this couldn't last, as there was no way I'd be able to hold on for much longer, especially now that she had her hands on my chest, fingers tweaking my nipples. There was no delaying it now as I pulled her forward onto me, her breasts crushing onto my chest and my hands grabbing at her gorgeous ass cheeks. I exploded inside her.. so much so that it almost hurt, thrusting every last millimetre of cock into her in the hope that my orgasm would last longer than would be normal.
We lay there for only a brief moment as we were not finished of course. Rising, she lifted herself up, letting my penis slip out of her and lying down once again next to me. I knew exactly what she wanted as I climbed over her body. Teasing her nipples with my mouth and then trailing my tongue down her tummy and further downwards, she ushered my head between her legs that were spread wide so I could feast on her soaking wet pussy. I couldn't care less that my juices were mingling with her own, all I cared about was her pleasure. I dipped two fingers into her as I lowered my head into her pubes so my tongue could play with her clit. I heard her moans as I sucked on that little nub and at the same time another finger joined the other two as I slid them in and out of her until I could feel her inner muscles start to spasm with her incoming orgasm.
The following morning, Anna didn't feel the need to discuss our night-time dalliance. Just dismissing it as two people who were horny at the same time and therefore taking care of each other's needs. Unfortunately for me, it had been more than that and had felt a little hurt that she didn't think of it as something more. However, I let it go and accepted it from her perspective.
That was the previous year and there hadn't been anything sexual between us since. Not even when I had gifted Anna with her favourite lingerie brand. I knew she would appreciate the gift and I wanted to see her face light up when she opened it. But I also wanted to appreciate it too, I wanted to help her with the bra and to help her slip on the knickers just to see her wearing them. I did get to assist her with the bra but I longed to help her with both items.. for me it would have been a chance just to touch her skin again, even if it was to be brief.
To understand... even though we see each other every week, speak on the phone daily and occasionally sleep together, there appears to be an unwritten rule that says no touching. No hugging. Not even the odd kiss on the cheek. I absolutely longed to be back in her arms again, even if it was just a hug or to hold her for a short while before falling asleep. But sadly, this was a one way thought process so I had to respect her wishes. We were not a partnership any longer and I could not keep trying to pull her in for the fear of pushing her further away.
