© 2020, All rights reserved - mimaster
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Ann was sitting on her deck, the sun having set over the mountains to the west over an hour before. Her neighbor Samantha was there as well, the two of them enjoying a mug of warm cider. The leaves were rustling in the trees, a faint breeze coming from the south, bringing with it the smell of wood burning in a fireplace somewhere nearby. It was a perfect October evening, and yet Ann was restless.
She glanced at the baby monitor, the silence reminding her once again that Owen was sound asleep. He'd run himself ragged during the day, playing and laughing as hard as she could remember. He was truly a happy child, and she couldn't describe the immense joy he brought to her world. Yet she was lamenting the struggle of being both a good mother and attentive wife.
"I honestly don't know what to do, Sam," she sighed again, looking for answers from someone that had never been in her situation.
Her friend offered a warm smile, patting her on the arm to reassure her that she wasn't alone, even if she didn't have any practical experience or words of advice to share. But that didn't mean she didn't have an opinion or two, and she didn't hesitate in offering them.
"Well, I think you're doing an amazing job," she said softly.
"Oh, what would you know," Ann griped in response, regretting it as soon as she said it. "I'm sorry, Sam. That was awful of me to say that... or even think it."
"No, you're right. But I still think you're being a bit hard on yourself."
"I... I just don't feel like I'm balancing my life well enough yet."
"Then talk to me. Tell me what you're really struggling with. You keep saying things, but in reality you're not saying anything at all. Be specific, and maybe I
can
help you somehow."
"I wouldn't know where to start."
"Start with what you're feeling right now. What's got you so upset? What do you mean by not being able to balance your life well enough?"
"It's just that I'm trying to be the best mother I can be, you know."
"And you are. Have you seen how happy Owen is? He is so loved, and so cared for, and he knows it. He can feel it, Ann. And anyone that
knows
you can see that."
"Okay, but I feel like I'm not being a good enough wife for Neil. I swore before we had a baby that I'd do everything I could to keep our sex life as much like it was before. I knew it would be hard, and I knew we'd slow down a little. But ever since I 'proclaimed' to him that Anna was back, I feel like I haven't really lived up to that name like I should."
"Has Neil been complaining?"
"Well, no. But that's the thing. He wouldn't. He loves me too much to say anything. And he's an incredible daddy, so he's going sacrifice his personal pleasure for Owens' happiness."
"Just like
you
are," Samantha nodded.
"What?"
"It's not just Neil that's missing out on the sex life you want. You've been missing out too, and I think that bothers you."
"Well, yeah. Of course it bothers me. But it's really more about being a better wife for him."
"You mean a better slut," she laughed.
"A better slut?"
"Isn't that what you're really struggling with, how to balance being an amazing mom and the perfect slut?"
"Huh. Yeah, I guess you're right."
"You're an amazing wife because you're taking care of the house, raising a wonderful son, and working too."
"I only work one day a week, Sam, and that's for my sanity. I need that time to feel like Anna. But I don't seem to follow that up and act out on it as much as I should."
"And why do you think that is?"
"I don't know. I wish I could figure it out, because it's driving me nuts."
"It's because I'm sitting here right now, and Neil's not."
"What the hell does
that
mean?"
"You feel like you're not doing enough. Like for some reason, you don't measure up to other mothers. First of all, there
are
no other mothers that think like you; ones that put such a priority on their sex life. You want it to be so incredible it's practically legendary. Second, if they
did
think that way, they aren't saddled with an impossible schedule to work around."
"I'm sorry, I still don't follow, Sam. I don't see how I'm any different than any other mother."
"Will you admit you're different when it comes to viewing what a normal, active sex life is like? You make sure you have every Sunday together, no matter what. Most new mothers are happy with having sex once a month, not once a week. And you're doing more than that. Can you at least admit that?"
Ann sighed and nodded. "Okay. I do have it good there, I suppose."
"Okay. So how many of the new mothers that
do
put a priority on sex have to deal with a husband that works the odd shift schedule Neil does?"
"But that's not his fault. It's his job."
"I know it's not. But it's still a fact. My father had a saying.
Just because you choose to ignore the facts, that doesn't mean they cease to exist
. Facts are facts, Ann, not faults."
"You know, Neil's dad says that, but I never really thought of it like that. About faults."