© 2025, All rights reserved -- mimaster
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My life had unexpectedly become a paradox over the previous week. No longer lovelorn, or more accurately, sex-lorn, I found myself in a position I wasn't prepared to deal with.
It was Friday, and I couldn't help but reflect on the changes I had experienced since the last one, when I was driving to Michigan to begin an adventure that would change my outlook on my life forever. The personal demons I had been struggling with for well over a year had been washed away by the high tide of passion I had been riding. Sexually, I was totally satiated, thanks first to Dawn and now Ann... with a little help from Jill, Denise and Nancy on the side.
Yet I found my heart still aching as I worked through the morning. Ann's imminent return to California was looming like a Midwestern summer thunderstorm on the horizon that was my future. Dark and ominous, it was coming, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. And that made me feel insignificant, and somewhat frightened.
It had been easy to let Dawn go. Well, not easy. That makes the whole weekend with her seem insignificant, which it most definitely wasn't. But the fact that I left off with Dawn, and found myself in Ann's arms in less than a day, made it easier. I knew, as good as what I had been with Dawn, it wasn't meant to be from the start. But with Ann, I had suddenly found myself with an anxiety I hadn't anticipated. I didn't regret anything. In fact, I was thrilled by the moments we shared. And yet that fueled my churning emotions. I was going to introduce her to my parents that evening as my pseudo girlfriend, all while continuing to play the charade that I didn't care if she went back to California.
The fact was... I did. I was falling in love. Or I had fallen in love already. It was somewhere in that mushy middle, between falling and fallen, where the process of, becomes the reality that is. My thoughts were filled with a morass of jumbled feelings, and my mind was a blender set on puree, pulverizing them into a fine mulch of unrecognizable crap.
How did I go from a guy that needed to find a way to get over a failed marriage, to one that was fighting to keep his head from getting sucked under in the high tide that was this romance, all in less than a week? I didn't want to be in love again, afraid of drowning in the undercurrent because I was careless enough to jump into the water once again without thinking of putting on a life jacket.
So, sex was my aforementioned personal paradox. I had missed it so much, and now that I had it again, better than any time in my life, it was packing up and going to the coast. Talk about unfair.
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The phone rang in my office. It was still a little early for Ann to be calling, but I answered quickly in case I was wrong, my heart beating faster in anticipation of hearing her voice.
"Good morning, Neil Thomas," I said as calmly as I could muster.
"Hey Stud! Do you wanna come over later and fuck the shit out of me with that huge cock of yours?"
Those words were music to my ears... normally. Actually, they were then too. But it wasn't the words that were the problem. It was the voice behind them. Instead of Ann, it was Tina, my hairdresser.
"Hey Tina," I said, unsure of what to even say to her.
"So, how about it? I've been in another dry spell, and I really need to get off soon or I'm going to shave some old ladies head by accident. You wouldn't want that to happen, would you?" I laughed, even though I didn't really want to. Tina was what would now be called my fuck buddy. We didn't have a name for it in the late eighties, but we had been using each other for four or five months or so, and it had been a big help to both of us. And her frankness made it obvious she needed me. Well, she really didn't need
me
... she only needed my cock. And normally, that would have been fine. I didn't need her either. When I was desperate, I just needed her pussy. It was a perfect arrangement; until Ann.
"I'm sorry, Tina. I have plans tonight."
"Okay, well, I suppose I can frig myself to sleep one more night. How about tomorrow night, then?"
"Actually, I'm seeing someone, Tina," I said, not wanting to upset her, but not wanting to lie either.
"Really? Who?"
"She's a friend I knew in high school. She's only here for the rest of the week, though." I don't know why I said that. As I stood there, I couldn't imagine having sex with anyone other than Ann. The taste of her from night before was still on my lips, and her amazing perfume was now a permanent resident in my nasal cavity. I longed for her, even at that moment.
"Sooo, she doesn't live here?"
"California," I said, my voice trailing off, betraying my dismay.
"Well, you've got a big dick, Neil. But it's not that big. Any chance you'll be free next week? I'd really love to feel you buried in my pussy again."
"I'll let you know. I'm really kind of in a monogamous mood right now."
"That's your nature, hon. And that's okay. I don't want to mess anything up. I don't need that, and neither do you. Hey, if it's serious, let me know. But if not, I'm here, and I'm horny. But I can't be patient forever. I need fucked, okay?"
"Okay, Tina. I'll call you next week."
"Bye, Stud!" she said, sounding chipper even through I'd basically cut her off for the immediate future. I was sure I'd be back on her shop's doorstep in a few days, begging to pile drive her pussy. But at that moment, I could only think of Ann's.
I sat down at my desk and tried to work, my mind a muddled mess of disjointed thoughts. Random images would pop into my head from out of nowhere, and I tussled with how they would string together. I would see a word or an object in attempting to carry out my daily routine, and invariably, a scene or event would crash through my minimal attempts at concentration, and my brain would transport me their. All of them were sexual, and all of them morphed into Ann.
There were ones that starred Ann outright, events from the last four days that we shared together. But those that actually involved someone else would start with that person, and gradually change over to become Ann doing whatever I had mentally conjured up.
I went from being with Ann next to the pond in my car as I ate her, to being with Dawn next to the river in Ann Arbor, to Ann being at that river, doing the exact things that Dawn did with me. I would see Ann standing naked in the front door of her parents' house like she had the night before, which made me think of eating Dawn on Matt's front porch, which somehow evolved into Ann, covered with my sperm, tied to that same front porch, caught in Dawn's fantasy with Matt and Jill. I hadn't even seen that ending in person, but it didn't matter. Ann was starring in every story or personal sex act I'd either done or seen or heard about in the last week.
I was thinking of Tina with my eyes closed for a moment. I was sitting in the chair in her salon that first time, her head under the smock, sucking my cock like she was starving for its contents. She pulled the smock up so that I couldn't see her, and like a movie twist in an erotic thriller, it was Ann who came out from under it after swallowing my load.
I sat up straight, jolted a little at how my mind was playing with my heart. Letting out a large exhale, I shook my head and smiled wistfully as it considered my plight.
"At least I got to be with her this week," I thought to myself, resigned to the circumstances of life. I wasn't really ready for such a serious relationship anyway. I had envisioned getting my life back in order, fucking around for a while, and then eventually looking to find someone. It had taken me over a year to complete the 'life back in order' part of the divorce recovery plan, and I was only a week into the ever popular 'fucking around' phase. I couldn't be moving on to the new relationship step now. How could I skip so quickly past the 'fucking' part! The whole thing made my head hurt.
Shaking my head to rattle some common sense into my cerebrum, I took another deep breath. The thoughts of Ann weren't going to leave me alone as easily as Dawn had, and in a small way, I didn't want them to. They were both special, but Ann had captivated my very being. I needed to accept that my life was better and richer just being with her the small time we had together. I smiled when I thought about how much we had already packed into just four days. It was more than most couples do in a month.
