Angelina

I met a woman the old fashioned way, picking up a dropped item from the floor of the coffee shop. I had been returning from the rest room when I saw a small object on the floor. I knelt, picked up a ring and, straightening up, asked if it belonged to the woman nearest it. She was heartfelt in her thanks for my finding it, flashed me a smile and I moved back to my table some distance away. After thanking the man who had offered to watch my stuff while I was gone, I folded up my laptop and left. I was a coder and my work allowed me to work outside of a normal workplace, something I was forever grateful for. I didn't miss the commute, the gossip and drama or the over-bearing supervisor of my department. I was free to actually to work rather than only working between interruptions.

I was back at the coffee shop, one of my favorite work places, a few days later. The same woman was there and as I glanced toward her she turned her head, smiled and waved. I fitted my AirPods into my ears and got to work trying to fix some gnarly code. When next I looked up, she was gone.

Fast forward two weeks or so, I had just settled in with my latte, laptop, and AirPods when she stopped by and said hello. We exchanged pleasantries and she went on her way. I was somewhat intrigued at the progression and, when I next spotted her, I made it a point to stop at her table and say hello.

"Have a seat," she said while smiling up at me. I went back to my table and gathered my things, and sat down opposite her. She closed up her iPad and looked up at me, then extended her hand and, "I'm Angelina."

"Ryan," I said as I shook her hand, noting how soft her hand felt in mine.

"I see you in here quite a bit. Is this your home office or what?"

"I write computer code for a living so, yes, this my home office. I'd rather work around other people as long as I can tune out their conversations. Working from home is great sometimes when I really need to concentrate but most often I find myself here. The baristas know me and my drink is ready before I can even begin to order."

"I do event planning so I'm in my car or at one coffee shop or another during work hours. I live on the phone and by text. Facebook and my website bring me leads and I work to convert those leads to actual events."

We chatted on for a while before I excused myself to actually get some work done. I realized we had been talking for over an hour and it had been an effortless conversation. In time we became acquaintances and then friends, seeing each other and going places together. She told me about her business, how she got started and then going out on her own. I told her my story of coding school, then working for a startup or two before settling into a larger firm where I didn't have to work crazy hours for relatively little pay. I wanted more than stock options to cash in if a company actually went public, something relatively few do. The brass ring does come around but not very often.

I realized I was beginning to like her more than just as a friend. I was beginning to have feelings for her. I must have worn my feelings on my face, as one day while we were out hiking she began to talk with me as we were having a quick picnic lunch.

"We need to talk."

That sounded foreboding given the abrupt change in her voice.

"There are some things we've haven't discussed. I was married once. My husband and I married very young, primarily I think because we both wanted out of our homes and family life. Mine was a little strange but his was basically screwed up, dysfunctional. Love was enough to start with but we began to have problems. We had no sexual experience prior to marriage and our strict upbringing made us deaf, dumb, and blind to sexual normalcy. We were lost. My best friend suggested couples counseling and we finally began seeing a counselor. She zeroed in on our families and backgrounds at first, then began probing the issues that had brought us to her. Frankly, my husband had sexual issues, problems in performing. After some time, she recommended that he see a sexual surrogate to help him. I blew up and left. He followed me out and we argued. I could see the logic of helping him but the idea of him having sex with another woman just outraged me. It was two weeks or more before I calmed down. I had a plan. I told myself that if he was going to have sex with another woman I would have sex with another man, just to keep it fair. I agreed to return to counseling and his first session was scheduled two weeks hence.

Me? I started looking around and zeroed in on a man in my yoga class. Robert was buff and black, just the thing to send my redneck husband into a rage if he ever found out. Getting even is the best revenge. I made sure I was close to him during class and, over coffee one night, told him about my husband and my plan to get even. He of course was all in on the idea, so we scheduled our first "date" on the same day as my husband's session. We went out to a short dinner and then he took me to his place and I had sex with a man other than my husband for the first time. And what a man he was. Freddie was no wimp but Robert was big, black, buff and hung. I had sex like I had never had before. After sex, he took me home and we set our next date for the following Thursday when Freddie was out. We kept seeing each other. My marriage crashed and burned. I had been dead set on getting even, getting back at Freddie. In a matter of weeks that motivation was no longer enough. I was hooked on sex as I now knew it could be."

"Wow! That's one hell of a story."

"There's more. After the divorce, Robert and I were together more. I eventually became a three-hole slut for black cock. I was addicted to it. I'm telling you this because I like you a lot and want more with you. But there's one big caveat: I'm not ready, maybe even unable, to end it with Robert. We see each other less now than before but there's still a want, even a need, to maintain that. So, the question to you is this: can we see more of each other, having intimacy, with you knowing I'm seeing someone else at the same time?"

I thought for a moment and then said, "Unless we have a committed relationship, what you do with your life, your time, your body is no concern of mine. We're not there, the commitment isn't there."

We began to see more of each other and became intimate. Our time together was special for me, at times magical. We never talked about what she did otherwise. We ignored the elephant in the room,

We settled into a rhythm of time together and time apart, with one constant being Sunday afternoon and evening. Then we would laze around together, prepare and eat dinner, and I'd stay overnight.

Things came to a head one Sunday afternoon. When I got to her house I realized my phone was dead. I plugged it into the car charger and went inside. Instead of the footsteps of her coming to greet me and her soft words of welcome, there were the sounds of sex. I followed the sound to the master bedroom where I found her on her knees and elbows, her head rammed into a pillow as a man I took to be Robert fucked her from behind. I realized he had the biggest cock I had ever seen. He wasn't huge or grotesque but he was definitely hung. He fucked her with long strokes, entering and withdrawing over and over again. I was frozen in that space as I watched. It wasn't the gentle lovemaking or the fun playtime we shared, the long buildup to orgasm, no, this was fucking in its most primal sense. Robert was taking what he wanted. That's not to say Angelina wasn't deriving any benefit. She moaned, groaned, and filled the air with fucks, damns, hells, and every other word I've heard during sex, topped with, "fuck me, you black bastard." All of this at a volume I'm sure the neighbors could hear. Her beautiful boobs swayed back and forth with each thrust. This went on for what seemed forever but I'm sure was only a matter of some minutes as she had orgasm after orgasm and finally Robert roared and filled her with his seed. He leaned on her back and she was turning her head to look back at him when she saw me standing there.

"Fuck! I left you a message that I couldn't spend time with you today!"

"Phone was dead," I replied, nodded to her, turned and left. When I got to the car I listened to my messages and heard those exact words. She had called late morning, hours before we were to meet.

She called that night full of I'm sorries and I feel awfuls.

"You called and left me a message. There's nothing to be sorry about," I replied. We talked on for a time and agreed to meet Tuesday night at my place, where she would spend the night. Still, I realized something had shifted for me. I had intellectually understood the separation between us, but now I had emotionally experienced the raw power of their relationship. There was no way she and I could replace that in her life. It just wasn't us. I couldn't see a way she would willingly forego her time with him and I felt that if she did quit because I had set a boundary that she would miss it and resent losing it.

I texted her Monday morning and asked to meet with her before Tuesday. Monday night, I was in her living room. "Angelina, I want a fully committed relationship and I know I'll never really have that with you. There's going to be something that stands in the way. I really care about you but it just seems fated not to be."

She reacted in horror. "No! Stay! It will change."

"I'd like to believe that. I can even see myself agreeing in the hope that we will become a committed couple but I honestly don't see it happening."

With that, I left. There were texts and calls that followed asking, begging me to reconsider. They eventually stopped, much to my relief. I saw her once more at our coffee shop, her back to me as she sat by the window. I took my coffee to go and found another coffee shop to call home. In time, I met someone new with whom I found my committed relationship and eventually marriage.

From time to time I see a woman who reminds me of Angelina: her hair, body type, height. At those moments I wonder whatever became of her, but those moments pass quickly as I am reminded of what I have found elsewhere.