I never meant to cheat on my wife. It wasn't the plan. I doubt very much anyone would see it that way though, knowing the full story. I made it happen. I don't deny that. It wasn't a drunken one-night stand (although there was alcohol involved) or a foolish mistake. It took months of work and required me to use and abuse every tool available to me. I never seriously thought it'd end with me cheating on my wife though. I just wanted to be close to Julie.
It started in earnest the moment I laid my eyes on her. Each year we bring in a large batch of new hires, and on their first day they're given a tour of the building. Since we pay well and hire 18 and over, no degree required, we tend to get a lot of employees in their late teens and early twenties. The guys who work here always pay a lot of attention during the tours, curious to see the new girls.
I stood up as I heard the group round the corner to my side of the building. My eyes were immediately drawn to a pretty girl in the middle of the group. She was short, with shoulder-length sandy blonde hair, pale skin, freckles, full lips and a very cute, round face. She wore jeans and a t-shirt (our dress code is nonexistent), which showed off a nice figure and several tattoos. She was stunning, and as I stared I felt something almost familiar about her I couldn't place.
"Hey Robert." I said, getting one of my employee's attention. "You recognize anyone from the new group?" Robert stood up from his desk and looked them over. We get a lot of rehires, so a lot of familiar faces show back up.
"Hmm..." He said, staring intently. "I don't think so."
"Yea, me neither." I said. Before I'd realized it I left my desk and headed over to the group, with no clear motive besides getting a better look at her. I walked right by her, headed down a hallway, put on a "I just realized I've forgotten something" act and headed back to my desk.
The last time I'd had a response that strong to seeing a woman was the first time I'd seen my wife Debbie. She too had been a new employee at our company four years prior, and the first time I walked by her desk I did a cartoonish double-take, perhaps seeing in her both a beautiful woman and a kindred spirit. It felt like I had been sucker-punched, and to this day I can recall exactly what she looked like in that moment. I don't know that it was love at first site, but it was a defining moment in my life.
At the time I was taken, having been with my previous girlfriend Alexis for five years. She was beautiful, funny and outgoing. She was also a compulsive liar and a cheater. I had put up with her bullshit for years because I thought she was the one, but within two months of meeting Debbie and being reminded what was out there, I'd left her. Less than a month later Debbie and I were officially a couple. A year later we were married.
Eventually, as it always does, the bliss we felt early in our relationship began to fade. My wife suffers greatly with depression, and the passion she displayed in our first year together seemed a distant memory going into our fourth. If I were to be honest with myself I believe it was her sadness that drew me to her as much as anything else. I saw a damaged young girl and I wanted to swoop in and save her. Life isn't a fairy tale though, and there isn't a happily ever after. Love is work.
I love my wife, but I don't think she's my soul mate. I don't believe in soul mates. The world is too large a place, and there are far too many women in it, for me to believe that there is just one woman out there for me. I do think though that there are people out there that you just click with, and that's how it is with my wife. We click. We have our good days and we have our bad days, but we click. I love her, and although it's possible I could be happier with someone else, I know I could be a lot more miserable too. She loves me and would never be unfaithful to me. I have no desire to leave her.
Seeing Julie reminded me so much of the feeling I had the first time I'd seen my wife, which would turn out to be appropriate.
For the next few months I saw Julie rarely, and most days not at all. We worked in separate departments in separate parts of the building. As a manager I'm responsible for my team of fifteen people, and I didn't have many reasons to interact with employees outside of my team and department.
I did take advantage of the ones I did have though. The first time I talked to her was two months after she'd started. I was assigned the task of implementing a new procedure for employees across our building. My boss wanted me to run my plan by a large number of employees to make sure they understood it before we pushed the process site-wide. I, of course, went straight to Julie with it.
Julie, being new, didn't really understand process or how it would apply to her. Truthfully it wouldn't, not for awhile, but there was a benefit in seeing if it was simple enough that new employees could understand it. Mainly though I just wanted to talk to her. I had her read it over then spent about ten minutes talking with her about it. I have no memory of what she said, or what I said. Mainly what I remember is how blue her eyes were.
It was several months more before my next interaction with her. Julie had been performing well and had gained a reputation as a hard worker. I had been placed in charge of a new team and was looking to recruit from several other departments that were now overstaffed. My mind immediately went to Julie, but I needed to go through the proper channels so it wouldn't raise any flags. I reached out to her manager and asked for recommendations. He mentioned six people, one of whom was Julie.
I sent her a message asking her if she could come speak to me. I frequently keep my wedding band in my pocket, since it has never fit right. I was suddenly aware of the fact that it wasn't on my hand, and made the conscious decision not to take it out. She came by, looking beautiful as ever, but the first thing I noticed was her employee badge hanging from a Flight of the Conchords lanyard.
"Hey Julie. Take a seat. " I said, gesturing to the chair next to me. I had talked to her the one time before, but it had been brief and months earlier. I doubted very much she had been waiting for an opportunity to speak with me again as I had been with her, so I reintroduced myself. "I'm Joel." I said, extending my hand.
"Hi." She said warmly, shaking my hand. Her hand was soft in mine, and I held it maybe a second longer than was normal. She didn't seem to notice. "We've actually met once before I think."
"Oh yeah?" I asked, aiming for nonchalance. "That's right. Didn't you help with the standardization process?"
"I don't know if I helped. " She laughed.
"Sure you did." I said, smiling. "I love the lanyard by the way."
"Thanks!" She said, grabbing it and looking down at it. "I found it on Amazon. Love that show."
"Same here. So few people seem to know about it."
"I know. I've introduced it to so many of my friends." She said.
In a normal conversation this is where I'd say that I introduced it to my wife, and she loved it, but I didn't bring her up. It wasn't that I wanted to hide that I was married. That would be impossible anyway, as my wedding had been attended by about thirty coworkers. It wasn't a secret. I just didn't see the need to bring reality crashing in as I talked with her.
"Yea, same here." I said instead. "So good."
We talked a bit more about the show, then shifted gears to what the new position would be. I was worried she might be a bit intimidated by the workload but she didn't hesitate.
"I'd love to come over." She said.
"That's great!" I exclaimed. "I'd love to have ya. Training starts this Monday. Any issues?" I asked.
"No, just thank you. I'm really excited." She said.
