Contemplating meeting Jakob Lapp again makes me very apprehensive. As a social worker assigned to monitor his child’s educational process in the town’s school system, my first confrontation with him was anything but pleasurable. He had come into my office to sign paperwork removing his son from school. In my attempts to find out his reasoning for this act, an argument ensued between us and he left without completing the necessary paperwork. Now I found myself on the way to his farm to finish the process. Dealing with the Amish always gives me a headache. They can be so controlling.
When I arrived at their farm, I could see Mrs. Lapp in the front yard and wondered if it might be easier to deal with her. Maybe we could connect as women. As I drove up closer to the house, I saw her take notice of my car and she then headed towards the house. I quickly turned off the engine and opened the car door calling out to her.
“Mrs. Lapp, wait a minute,” I yelled out to her.
She turned and stopped. Waiting for me, she set down her garden tools.
“Can I help you?” she asked me.
“I need to talk to you and your husband about Daniel leaving the school.”
“My husband will talk to you. He is in charge of that decision. He is in the barn.”
Mrs. Lapp turned and headed into the house. She had attended the first meeting I had with the Lapps, but did not say anything during the entire time period we met, and at the time I had thought that unusual. Amish mothers were usually more in touch with the education of their children, but whatever the issue was, she did not seem to be in agreement with her husband. I wondered at the time if she even knew Jakob’s reason for pulling Daniel out of school. I headed in the direction of the barn, hoping I would get somewhere with Jakob today. As I walked to the barn, I pondered my decision in joining the educational team in this community.
When I got to the barn, I heard what sounded like someone sawing wood with a manual saw. I entered the barn, and had to adjust my eyes to the poor lighting that came from a few lit lanterns hanging from beams above my head. I followed the sounds, and soon came upon Jakob.
Jakob is a large man, tall and muscular. His powerful looking build was the result of constant hours of manual labor needed to run and manage his farm of 100 acres. Similar to those in his community, he always wears drab dark colors and maintains a cropped hair style and full beard, but neatly trimmed. His hands are noticeably large and rough in appearance. If I was telling a friend about Jakob, I would describe him as an attractive man, but with his unvarying scowl, it was hard to notice any of his better qualities at first glance. He was very intent in his work, and I had to come within a few feet of him before he heard me call out his name.
“What do you want?” he immediately asked.
“Mr. Lapp, we need to finish the paperwork if you want Daniel to leave the school system, removing him from our rosters. But before you do, I would like to know why you suddenly feel he has to leave.”
Jakob set down the saw and moved towards me, and for a brief second I felt slightly anxious. His size overwhelmed me, and his anger was obvious.
“I do not owe you or the school an explanation. He is my son, and he will learn with the others in our school,” he said.
“I understand, but I am concerned since you have sent your other children to the public school in the past. I just wanted to make sure your son was okay.”
My hand instinctively went to his shoulder, my way of reassuring him. He pulled back, jerking his arm away. Taking a deep breath, he pointed to the papers and said, “If I sign the papers you will leave my farm right away and leave us alone?”
I promised him I would, but again wished he would let me know what was so wrong. I explained to him my sole interest was ensuring his son received a good education.
I could see him relax a bit, and I thought for a brief moment I might have finally gotten through to him. He took the papers from me and said, “I think it’s best for my Daniel to be closer to me. I am worried about the other boys making him do things he is not ready to do in life.”
“Did something happen at school?”
“Daniel is growing too fast. He is only 12, and I do not wish for him to be around those who wish to grow up too fast.”
“Mr. Lapp, if the boys have been doing something they shouldn’t, I should know. If others could get into trouble, or hurt, I must know.”
He shot me an apprehensive glance, and said, “The boys in the school have been out here with my Daniel, smoking, and, and…”
“Mr. Lapp, all boys that age attempt to smoke. I hardly think that is reason enough to take your Daniel out of school.”
“The boys are not good boys, and they do not need to be with my Daniel. I do not like that they teach him to waste his seed. Now you must go. I have said enough.” He pointed towards the door, urging me to use it.
The light went on. He had caught them masturbating. I wasn’t sure how to continue the discussion with an Amish man, so I thanked him for his time, and headed back to my car. Driving back towards town, and rethinking the dialog that had just transpired, I realized that I had forgotten to get the papers back from Jakob. God, that man aggravated me.
Sitting at my desk later that day, I tried to put Jakob and his backward way of thinking out of my head, although I found myself chuckling, almost out loud. What must he have said to those poor boys when he caught them in the act? And poor Daniel, being informed it was “bad” thing to do. Then my mind started wandering in a different direction, I wondered if Jakob did not practice the art of masturbation. This then lead to my thinking about how Jakob might be in the sack. Was sex just an act for procreation, or did he take it past this? Was it a quick in and out, like a duty that had to be performed? The Amish men were definitely not thought of as overactive sexual creatures to those outside their community.
Although Jakob aggravated me, I fantasized what it might be like to have those arms and legs wrapped around me. I needed to get these thoughts out of my head. But the more I tried, the more I thought about sex with Jakob. I was getting excited thinking about it. Good grief, Jakob could barely make eye contact with me, as if he feared seeing something he shouldn’t, and I was now focused in getting into his overalls.
I began to daydream about Jakob. Perhaps I would walk into the dimly lit barn, finding him working with his hands on a piece of farm machinery. I would move slowly towards him, circling him as I talked to him, like an animal stalking their prey, making him follow each movement. I’d wear that cute blue dress I have that buttons all the way down the front. I’d leave a few buttons undone, enough so that as I bent over to pick up something I might drop, my breasts would be exposed for his viewing. I’d make every attempt to get as close as possible, perhaps trying an attempt to lightly brush up against him with one of my breasts. Our eyes might meet for a fleeting second, but in that time, I would send out the message that I was like an animal in heat, and that I wanted him sexually. I wanted to show Jakob he could not always be in control. I suddenly felt the need to return to the Lapp farm.
The following week, after I had plenty of time to think about my sexual quest for Jakob, I headed back to the Lapp farm, but Daniel was not my main focus. Before leaving the car, I closed the top buttons on my blue dress. After a brief exchange with Mrs. Lapp, she told me I could again find Jakob in the barn. I’m sure Mrs. Lapp trusted her husband with an outsider. I headed in the direction of the barn, and as I walked the distance, I unbuttoned my top dress buttons. The dress was sheer, which would allow Jakob a peek at my hardening nipples.
As I entered the barn, I could see Jakob in the distance through the poor lighting. He was moving hay bales from one area to another. I licked my lips, and called out his name.
He moved towards me and held out the papers I had forgotten.
“You have come for these,” he said.
“Yes, I forgot them the other day. I apologize.”
“That is okay,” he said, looking right at me. “I am sorry I was rude to you. It was wrong.”
I looked back at him in bewilderment. Was this the same man that aggravated me the other day? As I put out my hand to take the paper, he placed the papers in my hand, but made no attempt to avoid touching my hand with his as he did. I took the papers, and thanked him.
