Author's note: This is the conclusion of a novella called "Friday Night Alchemy", minus the hundred pages of build-up.
Alone at last with Shana all to myself I was at a loss for words. While she went into the bathroom, I put on the kettle and wondered how I might broach the subject of sex. We both knew it was imminent and inevitable but I couldn't just say "Right then. Get your kit off." These things aren't done like that. I need not have fretted, Shana had everything under control.
"Coffee?" I asked as I heard her come into the kitchen behind me.
"Not just now thanks." her hand fell like a feather on my forearm. I turned in response to her touch and was lost. She pinned me against the worktop, her mouth grinding against mine, her hands seemingly touching me everywhere at once. Had I any will to resist her, it would have failed me in this first onslaught. As it was, I offered no resistance, capitulating wholeheartedly and matching her ferocious pace measure for measure. She pressed herself against me with such force, such persistence, she might well have succeeded in impaling herself upon me through two pairs of jeans had not the ghost of Alexander Graham Bell interceded.
"Bloody Hell!" I stopped kissing her, reflecting on how fate was conspiring to keep me celibate even at this eleventh hour.
The phone rang a second time.
"Ignore it." Shana stopped her assault long enough to speak two words, then continued kissing my neck with renewed fervour.
It rang a third time. The answerphone should kick in
now
!
A fourth ring. Damn! Damn! Damn! The bloody answerphone was switched off. I tried to push Shana away.
"Don't answer it!" There was pleading in her voice.
"Sorry Darling, I must." I made it to the phone before the sixth ring.
"Hello?"
"Hello Son. You're in? I was just going to leave a message."
"Hi Mum," I identified the caller for Shana's benefit. She was standing in the doorway listening to half a conversation. "What was the message you were going to leave?"
"You're an uncle! Megan had a baby girl this evening. Six-and-a-half pounds. Thomas says they're calling her Seren."
"Well congratulations on being a granny at last. Can we talk tomorrow? I have a guest here at the moment."
"Oh? Anyone I know?"
"No Mum. No one you know." I was a little more abrupt than I intended. I hoped Mum wouldn't take umbrage, just the hint.
"All right. Sorry if I disturbed you, but we're so excited. I'll speak to you tomorrow then." she seemed to have got the message.
"That's quite all right. I'm excited too. Goodnight Mum."
"Goodnight."
I hung up and looked at Shana in the doorway.
"I'm an Uncle." I passed on the news just to have something to say. It filled the awkward silence.
Shana was smiling. She walked over to the answerphone and turned it on then, picking up the receiver, she turned off the ringer. That done she faced me, still smiling.
"No more interruptions."
She reached for my shirt buttons, systematically undoing them.
Following Shana's lead I took hold of the hem of her sweater. We almost tied knots in our arms trying to undress each other until Shana stepped back slightly and peeled the sweater over her head then, eyes fixed on mine, proceeded to unbutton her jeans. My actions mirrored hers until we were both down to our underwear. She was perfect, flawless. I closed the gap between us, picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom.
Safe sex? I'm afraid not. Unless you count the precautions Shana had taken against telephonic distractions. Coitus uninterruptus you might say.