"You know Alice I swear that hole gets tighter and tighter."
Alice pondered momentarily then realizing His meaning giggled loud and long.
"The thing is Hatter my boy decided to sleeve the thing in concrete. Thought a little sand and chalk would stop the rabbit's magic."
"Why on earth did you ever decide to call him Jack? He doesn't bear any resemblance to a real card at all. Doesn't even stack up to a cad!"
Alice giggled again. Somehow the stupidity of Hatters pun was so magnificent it became uproariously amusing. Stretching a bit she pushed Celia's face away from her vulva and resultantly poor Doreen completely lost all contact with the curved toadstool cap and landed with a thud on the grass several feet below.
"Whatever happened to the caterpillar Hatter?"
"Took up and wrapped himself in a cocoon one day and never came out. I figure all the opium he smoked stunted his growth. Eventually we rolled him across the meadow and into the boating lake. Caused quite a stir in the regatta that year. Sunk three punts like a torpedo."
Alice sighed. Somehow this nonsensical chatter meant more than any conversation that had happened in the previous forty years. Strange to imagine she had married, raised a son and a granddaughter and nothing in Wonderland seemed a day older or more importantly any wiser or more sensible.
"Why didn't you come for me before Hatter? You must have known I was waiting for you."
"Been so busy don't you know? What with the Queen being put in the madhouse and the damned politicians changing the laws daily its been hard enough to make fashionable millinery let alone plan a reunion. Everything got very ugly when Father Peirce left the carnival and managed to escape to your end of the rabbit hole. I mean we had all the lunatics running the asylum already certainly didn't need a lot of mindless freaks joining in. That Peirce was a strange cove all together. How on earth did he ever get to run your old school anyways? He was a sandwich short of a picnic at the best of times."
Celia had started laughing. Alice remembered the laugh too well and immediately took exception to the tone.
"And what's your problem bitch? Either shut the fuck up laughing or at least stick your tongue back in my cunt where it belongs!"
"Oh so fucking special are we Miss Alice? Why would Hatter think to travel and find you when He can have any pussy or ass He wants? Sure you have a nice body now you are back to how you used to be instead of that ugly old stuck up hag you became in the real world, but do you really think your carnal acrobatics are that special? Only reason we are here now is cos we need your slutty ass!"
"What do you mean? What's she mean Hatter need my slutty ass?"
Hatter didn't answer immediately as He was indeed busy trying to slide His cock back into Alice's gaping anus. Alice reached down and taking Hatters scrotum tight in her right hand squeezed just enough.
"Fuck, fuck that hurts."
"Answer me then you perverted shit! You have been in that particular tight hole quite enough for the moment!"
Just to underline the point Alice squeezed a little harder.
"FUCK! Alright let go. My balls are already black and blue from bouncing off your pubic bone thank you very much."
Alice released the twin orbs of delight but remembered to turn just long enough to slap Celia hard across the face.
"That's for calling me a hag! Now shut up and eat."
Alice grabbed a handful of Celia's mane and viciously pulled her face back down to her still flared labia.
"So come on Hatter spill the beans. If you didn't come back because you couldn't live without me what is the reason?"
"It's the Jack of Hearts. Hes going to be crowned King."
"Well you said his mother was in an asylum so that makes sense."
"Well yes but its more complicated than that, he wants to marry Willow and make her queen. You remember Willow Paliqueen? You should you helped create her!"
"But I left her with Imogen at the carnival. They were, well inseparable!"
"My dear Alice, Father Bill undid the stitching holding them together shortly after you left. That's when they went mental and drove him to plot an escape. The two girls went pegging mad!"
"Surely you mean barking mad."
"Oh no it was definitely pegging mad. Many an asshole in Wonderland bears witness to that fact, especially the Jack of Hearts. Hes a fanatic and couldn't get enough of Willows introductory penetrations. Hence the marriage of the decade in the offing."
"And its all your fault you stuck up slag!"
Celia just managed to finish the sentence between gulps of air as she labored to reach Alice's uterus with her almost prehensile tongue.
"How in hells name is it my fault? Everything was fine when I left. Jack was a decidedly cemented transsexual, the Queen was happily chopping of heads and Willow couldn't move a muscle without someone pulling a wire."
"Nobody is blaming you really Alice. Don't listen to Celia her mouth just runs away with her when shes not eating cunt."
Hatter was still manfully trying to position the head of His enormous member in line with Alice's pulsing sphincter.
"Damn it Hatter will you stop ass fucking me for two minutes. I feel like chopped liver inside. You really do need to cut down on the penile piercings. How many do you have now for god's sake? Feels like I am being buggered with a very well quilled cactus plant."
Hatter sighed deeply and rolled over fastening His pants flap as He did.
"Got a bit carried away last year don't you know. The Albert's just look so pretty and I swear the extra weight on the tip is stretching him another inch or two."
"For Fucks sake Hatter your hung like a horse now. Hasn't anybody ever told you that there can be too much of a good thing?"
Hatter thought momentarily before answering.
"Well actually no My dear, I cant remember anybody ever saying that."
Pushing Celia away Alice stood upright on the very unstable toadstool cap and putting her right ankle back into her torn and tattered panties pulled them up meaningfully.
"Well I suppose that means we have to go now then dammit, you might have let me ejaculate first! Got way to much semen swimming around down there. Feels like a tsunami in the making."
"Want a quick wank Hatter?"
Doreen had finally made it back up from the grass.
"No its fine, really, honestly, I will be quite alright, probably, hopefully, maybe, given a fair wind and a strong current."
"For pity's sake Hatter stop whining like a schoolgirl, you know that's Alice's job."
Celia just finished the b at the end of job as Alice's fist picked her up and propelled her a good twenty feet from her perch to land in a large mound of freshly laid cow dung.
"So what is the plan Hatter?"
Alice did her best to ignore the string of obscenities unraveling from Celia as she tried her hardest to disengage from the bovine fecal matter.
"First things first, the only way we are ever going to entice J.H. away from Willows poundings is to supply something bigger and better. Rumor has it that the legendary Jabberwocky Dildo of Destruction has surfaced in a curio store just outside Heartingdon."
"Fucking things a myth, no one has ever seen a Jabberwocky cock since 1492 let alone a strap on version."
"Hang on a minute, 1492? This sounds awfully fishy."
"Don't get caught up in the minutiae Alice we are dealing with matters that are far too important. We need the Dildo of Destruction and we need you to wield it!"
"1492 across the ocean blue?"
"Forget the date Alice, really doesn't matter a jot."
"Matters if you are the last Jabberwocky and Columbus cut off your tally wacker?"
Celia dove head first into the cow manure again this time under the Hatters propulsion.
"I only was saying!"
"Celia you really look like shit! Come on everyone it's a good half night's walk to Heartsville."
"Hang on Hatter you said Heartingdon before."
