Pure fiction. My thanks to editor Windy Swimming.
*****
I have one secret habit that I have learned to not tell people about because they just don't get it. I love advice columns, everything from Playboy Advisor to Ann Landers. I think they are as funny as a rubber crutch, and for much the same reason. It is amazing how we humans keep making the same mistakes over and over. Once, however ...
My favorite story, or problem, or whatever it is people think they are writing, is the one where a wife is having a fun evening with a good girlfriend. The husband and alcohol may or may not be directly involved, but at some point the wife, in a moment of divine inspiration, decides it would be really, really fun to surprise her hubby with both women in their bed! So, eventually, hubby comes to bed. The first part of this story I love is his reaction. Some take one look and just dive in and start humping the friend. Usually there is at least some amount of grab-ass involved. Sometimes the guy tries to play it cool and sophisticated, and gets into bed as if nothing is out of the ordinary. Anyway, all fall asleep. Then the wife wakes up in the middle of the night to find her hubby and her friend making like rabbits. Well, Du-oh! So wifey wants to know if she should confront either her husband or her friend, because she feels betrayed but recognizes that she just might not have used her best judgment in creating the situation.
I mean, come on! I've seen this one over and over! I just love it. Maybe the columnists make this up? No one could be that dumb!
A variant of the story had appeared in an advice column in our local paper earlier in the week, and it popped into my mind while I was caressing the softness of Sue's inner thighs and sucking on her tits, one at a time. We were taking it slow. We have a very good marriage with no secrets, supposedly, and a lot of sex, and no kids, yet. Now, I am sure my wife is not dumb enough to pull something as bad as that story, but I wondered, so I looked up into her lidded eyes, full of love and lust, and asked "Just out of curiosity, have you ever wanted to share me with any of your friends?"
Apparently I am that dumb. A few alarms went off in the back of my head before the words were even out of my mouth. As comprehension slid into her eyes, lust fled, followed by love. More alarms. She pushed herself up the bed so she was sitting with her back against the headboard, crossed her arms across her chest and crossed her ankles. There was no softness in those thighs now, and I had to extricate my hand from the vise that her legs had become.
I was officially in trouble.
"So, just which of my friends do you want to fuck?" she demanded.
I looked at the ceiling, looking like I was really thinking really, really hard, because I was really thinking really, really hard. I finally looked back at Sue and replied honestly "All of them, of course, but no one in particular." That just seemed to make things worse. So I launched into a hurried explanation of my love of advice columns and my favorite story that is just hysterical and it was just printed again, and... I talk too much, and it did no good.
"You expect me to believe all that shit?!?" She asked indignantly. "The only reason you would ask a question like that is that you really do want to fuck one of my friends, and I would bet you do have someone specific in mind."
She started to get out of the bed, and I grabbed her arm to stop her. "Wait! You don't understand! Yea, I'm a guy. Guys at their core love variety, but we learn to deal with it in other ways. You know I notice other women. You know I fantasize about other women. We've joked about it. Another thing about guys: we bond, at least some of us. Marriage is a legal document, and means little to me emotionally. I was bonded to you long before you walked down that aisle, and unless something destroys that bond, I would never risk that. Not just for sex. Not with anyone. At least, not without your permission."
"You expect me to give you permission...!?!" She was almost screeching. Oops, one fact too many.
I grinned. "No, I absolutely do not expect that! What I'm trying to tell you is that I am yours! You own me, even if you don't realize it." I remembered that women all supposedly have this separation fear. "I'm not going anywhere, babe, you're stuck with me."
She started to soften. Eventually we made up and got to the point of cuddling, but I wasn't getting laid that night. She never answered the original question. I didn't ask again.
So the whole thing had blown over, right?
Every other Friday afternoon, Sue gets together with a bunch of her girlfriends. Yea, these were the women she assumed I wanted to fuck. As usual, I picked up take-out on the way home, but Sue was grouchy when she got home. None of the usual stories, no planning the weekend together, something was bothering her.
After dinner, I sat her down and insisted that she tell me what was wrong. It took some wheedling. "Well, all through the afternoon, I kept looking at each of my friends in turn, wondering if she was the one." Uh-oh. "Finally, I told the whole group your story. They all agreed that no woman could be that stupid and you were covering something, even if you don't know it. So I asked them point blank who you wanted to have an affair with. I had to know."
"They all sat up straight in their chairs, and all of them put their hands in their laps, and looked at each other. Surprise! No one raised their hand. Then Lisa joked that I had asked the wrong question. She posed the question as to which of them would bed you if they had the chance. I was shocked when several started to move and thought better of it. Even Lisa! So Lisa said that was also a bad question, and rephrased it as which of them would bed you if they had the chance AND knew that I could never find out. Would you believe that 4 of them raised their hands! Damn, my own friends selling me out. I was in shock. Then Lisa laughed, and reminded me that I had once said I would love to get Eric alone, and everyone laughed.
