Over the next 2 weeks I slowly moved my things in before finally moving in myself. This felt like a momentous step for me, it was a new chapter in our relationship and I was afraid of ruining things if it moved too quickly. There was an insecurity within me that stemmed from the previous betrayal I suffered. Dhruv was a friend I relied upon more than anything and I was not ready to complicate it with a physical relationship.
It was a constant conflict in my mind as I felt a physical bond between us but I felt I needed to cool this until things became clearer and I had some stability.
We agreed to sleep in separate rooms but my room was right next to his and there was an adjoining door. He told me it was his son's old bedroom but his bedroom was now across the hall. The door between the rooms helped me sleep a little easier, knowing he was just next door.
As time went on, I felt myself becoming more dependent on him. In my day to day life I could share my burdens with him and in many ways he was an emotional crutch for me. Something I had missed from my life as I carried the weight of my problems. I was struggling to gain access to my child and I needed the agreement of two lawyers and a judge for simple visits. The courts had labeled me as a hysterical woman and I was struggling with having to prove myself at every turn. Dhruv began to handle these things for me after I had opened up to him about my struggles. There was a lot of red tape and it was not my strong point.
It had been just over a month and I was in deep sleep in the middle of the day after a night shift at the hospital. Someone was banging on the door and it shook me out of my slumber. Usually, I never thought to open the door but whoever it was, they were insistent.
As I walked down to open the door, I was slipping into my hoodie and I pulled my ponytail out that had been caught inside. I was wearing joggers and I had tired eyes as I opened the door.
There was an impatient short Indian woman who was looking impatient. She brought on a fake wide smile as I opened the door.
"Is sir here?" She asked as she looked me up and down trying to assess who I was.
"Sir, makes you clean barefoot?" She asked surprised to see me barefoot. It dawned on me that she clearly thought I was the maid. Did I look that bad? She was not catching me at the best time.
"Madam had to leave early, so Sir has to take the boy today," she said.
The young boy was no more than 8 or 9 and he was looking down shyly as he clutched his little luggage bag.
"It is ok. I will look after him until 'Sir' returns," I replied in my best maid impression.
The young boy pulled and adjusted his glasses nervously as he walked in shyly. He seemed to be an afterthought for his mother and he must be disappointed to find a stranger in the place of his father.
The maid swiftly returned to her taxi that sped off. The driver seemed to be annoyed with having to wait. The boy clutched his little suitcase and rolled it into the house. He looked cute and watching him brought out a natural motherly instinct out of me.
I held his hand as I brought him in, "do you want to show me your room?" I asked.
He hurried to the stairs dragging his little suitcase behind him. He was up a few stairs and looked back to check if I was still coming. I was a little tired and struggled to keep up. His room was tidy and he seemed to have everything he needed. He opened his little suitcase to bring out a teddy bear. It was cutest thing I had seen and I felt a nurturing sense grow inside of me.
After a while I cooked pancakes for him and I tried to make it fun by using chocolate chips to make different animals. He enjoyed it and he was having fun. It made me miss my own son. He was introverted compared to my son and I wondered about his mother. Who would leave their son in the care of a maid and then passed off to a stranger?
My phone had been on silent and I felt I needed to tell Dhruv about his son being here.
I found my phone and there were a few missed calls from him.
He was calling when I picked up my phone.
"Hey, this might sound strange. Has my wife's maid dropped off my son?" He asked.
"He has been here a few hours. I am just looking after him," I replied.
"I am really sorry. I should have been there. You must be tired. I am stuck in meetings," he sounded panicky and worried for me.
"Do not worry about it. Take your time with your meetings, we will be here." I felt bad and it must be hard for him to do all of the duties on his own.
We played some games and I forgot how tired I was as it brought me a sense of joy seeing the child smile. It reminded me of my own son and I felt good being able to give this part of me to someone again. It was a side of me that had not been fulfilled in a long time.
We settled down to watch some movies, I had made some popcorn for us to enjoy. Soon he was tired and rubbing his eyes. He fell asleep in my lap and I began to feel the tiredness in my own body as I fell asleep leaning back against the couch.
The sound of the door opening awoke me and I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I saw Dhruvin return.
He was stood in the hallway and I placed a pillow under the boy's head and went over to Dhruvin.
"What time is it?" I asked.
"I am sorry I got back so late. How was he?" He asked.
"He is a sweet kid. It was good for me," I acknowledged as I looked over at him sleeping.
"I feel really bad. I will need to make it up to you," he said.
"Don't worry about it. It was the least I could do," I said as I hugged him and involuntarily kissed him on the lips. I do not know what came over me as I had made a conscious effort to try and not be physical with Dhruvin. It was a soft sensual kiss and he did not force the issue with me.
Something began to stir within me after spending the day with the boy. It had awoken feelings that I had tried to keep dormant for so long. As I spent the night at the hospital, I felt distracted and unable to focus on the job. I worked in trauma and my focus was needed.
The next day, as I was arriving Dhruv said he would have a day out with his boy so that I could catch up on my sleep. He was sweet and considerate towards me. It was always tough for me to sleep during the day, and my sleep was drowsy and sweaty. This day in particular I felt delirious in my sleep as my body burned up with a fiery heat.
My dreams were feverish and intoxicating. I had the duvet trapped between my legs as I rolled around. Something was manifested in my dreams. A feeling that I was missing out on motherhood and my time was slowly ticking away.
My t-shirt was drenched in the morning and I had left a creamy discharge on the duvet that was in a death grip between my legs. My breasts had an ache that I had not experienced in some time. My nipples were engorged and looked obscene.
Following a much needed shower, I went down for a afternoon coffee. I was heating up some food Dhruvin had left for me as I nursed a coffee and leaned back against the worktop.
